So that's why...

[alyssak]

I'm dating my best guy friend. He's been my best friend for the longest time and things are going well. Except I think being a couple has made our relationship more difficult. I've always been dependent on him. He was the person I came to when I was upset or needed advice. Now I'm especially attached and more dependent on him than ever now that we are in this close relationship together.

I feel like it drives me crazy. I'm turning into that needy girl, the stereotypical emotional female that obsesses over her boyfriend. It took me a year to get over my last relationship and now I'm terrified of everything going wrong and losing my best friend. Then we talked about our last relationships with other people and I find myself comparing me to the last girl and how he had slept with her and now it feels like it changes things between us.

It seems so complicated. I want to be with him and hang out and be best friends and at the same time I want to run away from him. I'm starting to understand more why God intended sex for after marriage because it shouldn't be causing problems between him and I. It hurts to think of him being with someone else even if it was in the past. It's certainly not something I will hold against him forever but it just hurts. I don't know how to approach all these feelings I'm getting.

 

[The Nihilist]

God did not make decisions to keep you from spazzing out. Calm down. This guy does not belong to you, and that he is with you now means that he has chosen you over whatever else he had available, including but not limited to his exgirlfriend. Besides, if this goes the way you want it to, you'll have sex with him, within the confines of marriage or otherwise. Believe me, you'll be glad it's not his first time when it happens.
These are normal insecurities. Everyone has them. The wrong way to deal with them is to constantly beg for reassurance, and the right way is to just ignore them. So, you know. Do that.

 

[dayhiker]

One of the way that I've been helped in dealing with emotional situations is to think of my emotion as a judgment or the emotion is telling me of the judgment that I've made of that situation. Then evaluate the judgment. Is that the judgment I wanted to make of that situation. If not make the judgment you want to make and the emotion should change.

Not many think of emotions as a judgment, but it works for me.
dayhiker