So sorry for not helping

[thowra]

Hi, I don't really think I deserve to be in this section, with all of those suffering so terribly, but I didn't know where else to go.

My uncle Ray, my Grandad's brother, recently died after suffering from terminal emphysema. I hardly knew him and had met him once perhaps. his close relatives were unable to care for him constantly as he lived in America and he had only enough money to provide carers for himself for a short time. On Christmas Eve he fell and died, I've been told that it wasn't the fall that did it, but that he just didn't have the will to fight, or to live.

A couple of months before he died, my grandad asked me to email uncle Ray as he has been unhappy and distant lately, he hoped I could cheer him up and give him some kind of long distance love and company. I was going to do this on my father's behalf as apparently I'm caring.Ironic.

I meant to ask my father what he wanted me to say, but time passed and other things seemed to take up my time. though I could have made the time.
And then I heard that he had died.

So, I guess I just wanted to get it all out as I can't talk to my friends about this kind of stuff and I'm really hating on myself right now,can't seem to get any peace from asking God for forgiveness as I can't forgive myself.

I just want God, and my uncle Ray to know how sorry I am.

God bless anyone for taking the time to read this.

 

[blackribbon]

You did not contribute to your uncle's death. He died as a complication of emphysema...and yes, the emotional drain of fighting to just take another breath IS a complication. Your note might have lifted him up but it would not have made him better or saved him. Only God has that power. God has forgiven you, and I imagine your uncle would totally understand and offer up forgiveness. It is time to forgive yourself and take the lesson taught. If you feel a need to touch someone, even when it is hard, just do it.

You are not evil. You are just human. The longer you beat yourself down, the longer you are not useful to lift someone else up. Accept the forgiveness that God always gives when requested. My gut says is that this is just preparation for another time when your "touch" is needed. I don't believe you will miss the opportunity to reach out ever again. ((Hugs))

 

[thowra]

Hey, thank you very much blackribbon, that really 'touched' me ;D

God bless you for being very helpful.

((hugs back))

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you, sister.