so many worries

[RSteel]

it's been a few days since i've made a post in here. i have so many worries. i don't know what to do about it. i feel like a failure most of the time. so many thoughts and images run across my mind. i keep wanting jesus to take care of everything, but the images and thoughts won't disappear. i'm reluctant to type everything in here since this is a public forum and everyone reads it, but who cares. I hate being depressed! I don't enjoy the things I used to, and I can't hardly stay still for anything. thoughts of death pass my mind, but nothing i ever act on. i know my emotions are nothing to act on, but sometimes it's so hard to sort them out. i tell myself jesus is in control and he'll take care of it all...but the time goes by, and then more time goes by....i'm tired of waiting, i've always been tired of waiting, and i'll always be tired of waiting. patience is a virtue...yet it's a hard one to take day in and out. my mind continues to create scenarios. scenarios that are good, and then scenarios that are bad...it's great to imagine, it's good to want things, but how do you pick yourself up and move on when you just feel terrible... my recovery is number 1 just by default, i know. sometimes i hate life...it's slow pace, it's worries. and then, other times, i don't. hmmm, it's so easy to see how this could precipitate into impatience, and then more impatience... however, i believe all things work for those who love the Lord.


"Janie is a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her all that's going to pass. But I don't want to lie to her."

-Kevin Spacey, American Beauty [movie]

Prayer request...
Pray for enduring patience. Pray for strength of body, mind and soul. Thank you!

 

[RSteel]

There's something else I wanted to add to this... I've been away from the Lord for three years now. That's a long time. Do you think it will be difficult to return to the Lord? I'm now 20 and when I was around 17 I encountered a lot of personal belief problems about Christ and what not. I'm not sure if it was really personal belief, but more of my own willingless to submit. There were a lot of things going on in my life that I didn't want to submit to because I was afraid of all the publicity and whatnot. Looking back, I don't know why I became so afraid. Because I've been embarrassed before! I've done a lot of things in my life...lol Who hasn't? I don't remember why I felt so hotly about things during that period in my life. I think things were beginning to come down to the wire then...things were beginning to heat up so to speak and I didn't want to get in a lot of trouble. And I felt that coming on at that point in my life. Ugh, I don't know, it's hard to explain when you look back at things in retrospect and try to figure them out. But, 3 years is a long time to stop being a 'partaker' of the Spirit. Do you think it's possible to 'ruin' 16/17 years of momentum with Christ with 3 years of 'personal problems' as I call them? I keep thinking that things can't turn out that bad even if a person does intentionally deny the spirit for three years...after years of being a partaker of the spirit (I'm a believer that a person can deny the spirit...to a point...but there's always going to be SOME spirit in a person, no matter how hard they try, but three years is a long time). Anyways...any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated...thank you!

 

[mikeforjesus]

Ive felt the same way as you .. im 19 in july. And I was away also for probably 3 yrs doing some of the worst stuff and I went from feeling like the happiest person in the world to feeling the most depressed. But im back now and I know God hears me.. Im starting to get some joy back.. but its not about the joy. God is able to make the best things come out of a bad experience.. even if we put ourselves in it.. Having a depressive disorder and all other types of disorder can make us either more angry with God or cling to Him. Ive learned that during depression we know Jesus more deeply and we prove our love to Christ more when we stay faithful in the hard times.. rather than how happy we look. I hope that makes sense.. I feel like you are going through the closest things as me.. since I also know from the other forums you have ADHD like me.. and I bet you only found out about it during this depression and you think thats the problem .. maybe its been with you your whole life maybe it hasnt .. maybe your adhd is just part of the affliction thats coming upon you to make you return to God.. Remember "Whom the LORD loves He chastens"

 

[RSteel]

Yes, I'm beginning to realize that I do have ADHD and it drives me crazy. I'm tired of this but I'm persevering through. It's ALWAYS something. That's what happened to me...I went from being very happy to just totally depressed in about a period of 3 years...from about 17 to 20. Most of the day my mind is just a total haze to what is going on around me. And then, in the morning when I wake up...I really don't want to get out of bed! Cause then I know I have to do it all over again. Well anyways, that's all for now...thanks for listening to me on here!

 

[goliwog]

i feel like a failure most of the time.

I had a scripture teacher that offered a really good remady for this. In his early years he felt like a failure cause few students listened to him and few got saved. However he started a system of writing down positives. Whenever a a student was pleased with his work he asked them to write it down and sign it and he would keep it in a box , and everything that he did good or was a success went into that box. And now whenever he is down he opens the box and reads. The key to fealinga success is to remember the succes and blessing instead of the failures . If you start your day by reading encourage ment then Im sure your whole day will be better.

also Just remember tommorow has no mistakes try taking each day at a time

 

[Endearing lil Influenza]

so scared oof going back... scared of the responsibilities... scared of being a failure... just scared

 

[RSteel]

same here endearing...not scared maybe...just...apprehensive