SO here is my Situation

[RickardoHolmes]

The Episcopal church I attend is a solid 45 minute drive away from where I live. WIth normal Sunday Traffic. I live outside of a smaller town that has a small EPiscopal church, but the service there is extremely casual, not the least bit formal and I did not find it at all interesting. The closest formal(HIGH) church is the one I attend downtown in a nearby city

A few years ago, on the first day of Advent, the Priest suggested that everyone make an effort to come year round to church and see how it works out. At first it was fine, I even eventually got to go through the elusive confirmation

But lately there have been issues. As I mentioned before, I signed up to serve on a committee It appeared for a month that I was in fact active with the activities there in, but soon found myself off of the phone/email list and not being informed of any meetings, event I spoke to a few members, who seemed to have no idea what was going on, but promised to talk to the committee leaders and be in touch=ch. No one contacted me. My EMails to the head person bounce as undeliverable with an Email note that says "I do not accept EMails from unknown people"
That was strike 1

Recently, I made the long drive which was longer due to traffic. I found no place to park in the church lot, no place to park nearby in the streets, no place in the supposed "Overflow lot" 3 blocks away so I turned around and went home The Parking has been a problem there and any attempts to address it have failed. There has been several attempts to restrict the lot just for church patrons, secure off site parking use from a local business on Sundays but this seems to be more often than not, inefficient when someone wants to attend a service but cannot because there is no place to park.
The Logistics/parking is
STRIKE 2

SO I did a little research on which churches follow the formal RITE (I was able to find clips of several on Youtube and Facebook) That particular church IS The closest to my house.

Now honestly, the volunteering thing while it did anger me, is not that important. Clearly, there are enough other people doing the work, and if I want to participate in something, I have a friend who is pastor of another (non-Episcopal) church that is always happy to have an extra set of hands I can get through life fine without doing anything but attending the service.

But since just attending is sometimes a challenge, and since I am not up for that, I am giving serious consideration to going back to something I did for years, which is attending church ONLY during Advent season, going ton events up to and including Epiphany Sunday, then staying home the rest of the year. IF I so want, I can tune in on Sunday mornings and watch it on Facebook If I get totally bored, I can always make an appearance outside of the Advent season but my focus would be to attend during Advent and participate in the services in person, then occasionally watch remotely, using the time to study and work on my own. I could also use the rest of the year to travel further, checking out some of the churches that are 1 to 2 hours away, as well as travelling to the Catholic church on occasion for the Latin Mass of which I am a huge fan. That is about an hour and 20 minutes away

It would also give me a chance to divert some of the money I pledged to the Episcopal church over to my friend's church to help with some of his charities. Since I would only be attending the other church for 2 months, I would cut the donations back but use the money that would have gone into a year round pledge to instead help with some projects that they run at the other church, such as Thanksgiving meals/food, School supplies, homeless ministry.....all of which are worthy causes.

Now if someone asks, have I spoken to anyone at the Episcopal church about this, the answer is no. The Priest is not a very accessible person. He seems like a positive guy but is rather distant and almost too busy to be bothered. I really don't know anyone else there, nor who else to even talk to, so that is not likely an option. I will probably get more response on this forum than I would there in person.
But that is something I have always encountered at the Episcopal church

The Sign says "The Episcopal church welcomes you" but I do not feel welcomed
I go because the beauty and aesthetics of the Eucharist appeals to me, inspires me and gives me a sense of peace and joy that no other religious service does. (And I have been to more than I have time or want to list here now) But I do not find it to be a place to go to make friends or to have meaningful conversations or relationships I am certain that people sometimes do find that but I have never encountered it I find it to be a great place for intellectuals for introverts, and certainly for those who appreciate the mysticism and esoteric beauty of Christianity. And, after a few years of regular attendance, I find that it is best to go straight to the car after it ends, not to linger, not to go to the luncheon, not to chit chat but to move on And since I like the Advent time the best, I wonder if I should not focus my energies on that period of the liturgical year and do myself the favor of taking a break and exploring other Episcopal churches the rest of the year ?

I realize that this is a long post, but I have tried to be thorough yet if there are any questions, I will be up for a chat Thank You for reading .

 

[Paidiske]

I tend to think, when considering whether to stay at a church or move on (absent any actual harm being done), there are two questions.
- Is this church a good place for me to learn and grow?
- Is this church a good place for me to use my gifts in service?

It sounds as if the answer to both of those questions, in terms of the church you've been attending, is no. Maybe it would be possible to shift that answer, if you could manage to have the right conversation with the right person, but maybe not.

Generally, though, I tend to think that - for example - attending from Advent to Epiphany each year, but not any other time, is not likely to shift the needle on either question to yes. I wonder if it is, in fact, time to try to find a church that is a better fit?

 

[RickardoHolmes]

I tend to think, when considering whether to stay at a church or move on (absent any actual harm being done), there are two questions.
- Is this church a good place for me to learn and grow?
- Is this church a good place for me to use my gifts in service?

It sounds as if the answer to both of those questions, in terms of the church you've been attending, is no. Maybe it would be possible to shift that answer, if you could manage to have the right conversation with the right person, but maybe not.

Generally, though, I tend to think that - for example - attending from Advent to Epiphany each year, but not any other time, is not likely to shift the needle on either question to yes. I wonder if it is, in fact, time to try to find a church that is a better fit?

Thanks Paidiske I can always count on you to understand.
Someone asked me recently something about that church, it got me thinking that I have been going off and on for many years, then regularly for 3 years and no I really don't know anyone there, and have no one there I would consider a friend, although a few are "Friendly" Not really anyone there I can talk to any more than I have already tried.
BUT as I mentioned, it is the closest formal "high" Eucharistic service, and that is why I go.
There area few closer, but having been there and been unimpressed with either the service or the people, decided not to return.
The best choice now seems to be to maintain my footing there at least during the time of year that I like, then explore the rest of the year. I located two Catholic congregations who do the Tridentine Latin Mass, which I like, both are about an hour away .

There are three Episcopal churches within 2 hours who seem to have a formal high Eucharist, including the Cathedral which a few people whom were at our church report is not welcoming at all, but since I am only there to see the building and celebrate the Eucharist, that might be ok for an occasional visit. The other two are much further away, but from what I can gather on the website and YouTube, they both have a more formal service, which I like.

Then there is still my friend's MB church which I occasionally visit and volunteer. The Services are ok, Nothing like an Episcopal church but not boring either. I would say that the people there are very happy and expressionistic of their happiness and joy but it is a more vibrant, noisy service, unlike the quieter reflective service of the high Eucharist.

I think though, of the things you mentioned. no There is no one to talk to there, or I would have done so already. Second, no there is no way to offer any gifts of service, which takes me back to staying home, or spending more time at a less inspiring, less meaningful church just to have a chance to be more involved. But no, I have never in decades encountered an Episcopal church where I could really be involved, I kind of wrote it off as an illusion, a myth until I saw that certain few cliques of people are involved, but certainly do not see that now. And since I will likely Not be involved in a church where I cannot contribute my time or efforts, is not going to random churches, making various Sunday trips throughout the State just to check out other churches then a more realistic expectation ? I have always pretty much all of my life advocated and supported the idea of "church hopping" going where the best event or best service of that week would be found. I have after being involved with this church for a few years I can see no reason NOT to church hop in the future.

​

 

[Paidiske]

Fair enough. I am saddened and disappointed (and a bit frustrated with my colleagues) that you have found so little opportunity and support, but I'm not going to try to tell you that it's your fault! I hope God leads you to a place where you can truly belong.

 

[RickardoHolmes]

UPDATE

SO I had a family member visiting during what I remember to be Epiphany Sunday a few weeks ago. We went to the Episcopal Church and again, no parking . I dropped him off at the door and went driving around looking for a place to park A half a mile walk later, I arrived.
I did tell one of the ushers when I left that if had not been for having a family member with me who wanted to attend, had it just been myself, I would have gone elsewhere because once again, the parking lot was full but the building was not

I sat down with a calendar and decided to set a target for how many times I am going to plan to attend this year. Now counting the two times I have already been in January, and skipping last Sunday because I was too tired and had too many things to do here at home I came up with a number and the number is 24
Now considering I have already attended 2 times in January, and Advent will be 4, Evensong, Christmas Eve and Lessons and Carols will be another 3
That means I only have to go 15 times between now and the End of November Which is doable over 10 months, twice some and once on the others I plan twice in Feb, Twice in March, Twice in April, and I usually go a few times in November, so 7 times May to October

Now granted, that MIGHT be more than I can actually do and more than I plan, but I think setting a goal of 24 services total for the year is reasonable.

I did turn in my pledge card, I can always mail the checks in if need be, so the money will still be flowing in which is all that a few people there seem to care about anyway.....
But I am going to try cutting back on the amount of time I spend there so that I can focus on things here at home, things at my friend's church (The Reverend as I call him, he is the Pastor there) ...plus Attending the temple with my son and working on the special projects at the Reverend's church, plus he has an awesome Bible study on Wednesday nights that I love attending. He always has some project going and needs help here and there with things

I also want to check out a Catholic church a couple of hours away that does a Latin Mass, ss well as take a trip to the Episcopal cathedral at least once to see what that is like, so most Sundays will still be busy

But as I said, the $ still go the way the Priest and the Vestry want them, so little else seems to matter at this point and I am certain that my absence will not be missed in the least so long as the checks come in.

 

[Shane R]

I would just like to point out that Holy Week is in April this year. You may perhaps wish to try for more than 2 trips that month.

 

[RileyG]

I’m not Episcopalian, so I will not comment, other than I will keep you in prayer that everything works out well for you!

God bless

 

[RickardoHolmes]

I would just like to point out that Holy Week is in April this year. You may perhaps wish to try for more than 2 trips that month.

I am not really so much into Holy Week as I am into Advent. I can take it or leave it or go elsewhere. I think the things that have me the most irked right now is one, the parking situation. Why is the parking lot full, when the church is not? We hired someone to supposedly monitor it, so when I spend 45 minutes to sometimes and hour traveling there in the car, then find out there is no room in the lot, what I usually do is go over to the other church across town, or go back home And I have spoken of these concerns onto the deaf ears of seemingly everyone

Second, someone actually called and asked me to send in a pledge card last month
Did not call to check on me or anything but to let me know that they want money Now as I have said, it does not seem like anyone cares or notices whether or not I am even there. I traveled a lot last year and was gone for 6 weeks at one point, when I returned the next week, no one seemed to notice or care that I had been absent
I was also irked that I had been offering to help out with some projects through the past two years, but am always told "No thanks we don't need any help" which is the opposite of the response I get at the Reverend's which is "Oh Yeah Brother Holmes We sure do appreciate all the help we can get"
If it were not for the theological slant I would be a member there, although I think they consider me a member and certainly family there

I have checked out the Episcopal churches closer to home, but they are not good. One does a completely spoken Eucharist with only an organ to accompany the songs Which may be more common nowadays, the high traditions , formal every Sunday that I used to love when In used to go every Sunday seem to be gone

Now as I mentioned to the most respected and helpful Paidiske, I have tried to find people to talk to about this. Obliviously, that has been fruitless . In all my years of church going I have noticed a tendency for church people to be very cliquish. I seem to notice that more in the Episcopal churches although it can happen in any large group of people The cliques include all the committees, all the leadership, and when a problem arises and is unaddressed, it is usually because the people either do not see it as a problem or do not want to change the way that they are doing things
I also point out that it has been decades since I allowed myself to even have 'membership" in a congregation, and although I wanted to be confirmed in the Episcopal church from the time I as in college, I had basically given up on that dream and accepted that it will likely never happen. Then it did

Now I am going back to more "church hopping" and less involvement This is again due to the lack of opportunities. I think the attitude of "we don't need your help or you but we sure want your Money" has decided for me why I am only allowing 24 visits to that church this year and honestly, 20 is probably more realistic

Oh and yes I am keeping the money going because I said I would, but I am not going to be offering to help with any committees, projects or events at all. I will be as one person said . a consumer, one of those members who shows up on an occasional Sunday but does nothing else.

 

[RickardoHolmes]

I'm now thinking 20 as we are into February 20 Is more realistic and doable

 

[RickardoHolmes]

I did skip Easter service. I didn't;t really miss anything, I took a look at it later on the YouTube channel, nothing special, just a little more fashionable with more of a crowd (and less parking) as compared to a regular service.

I was thinking about something this week. I have gone through phases where I attended service every Sunday and every time there was a special event, and now I am in a "part time" phase. While some go weekly and attend every event, I have not found that to be workable for me when I have done it. Now granted, if I had friends there or was part of a ministry or committee, then maybe I would want to attend But since neither of these are the case, I am content to just attend occasionally Call me a part time or occasional member
As for the Previous Lent/Easter season, I just was not in the mood to go. Plain and simple I was not up for it this year so I sat this one out nothing I went last year and it was OK but nothing worth going out of the way for