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So glad to know I'm not a freak...(DivorceCare class)

5kidsdad

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Finally gathered the courage to jooin a DivorceCare group, and went tonight. I went with little to no expectations, that way if it sucked, I wouldn't be disappointed. In my town, I'm not the only one like me...I know, no suprise, but it is comforting to know in person. There are women in situations like mine, men in situations like mine. It was actualy refreshing, considering I have been so very bitter lately. I'm still bitter, it didn't take that out, but I feel like I might be able to survive now. Those of you on herer that have sppoke highly of DivorceCare, thank you for saying it. I have been getting the daily emails for about 140 days now, and it is good, but doesn't always help, me still being human. Hearing other stories, and looking people in the eye, hearing them speak of their pain andd experiences helped me realize none of us really wanted to be in that stuation. Who would enter a marriage expecting it to only last a few years? Nobody. Anyway, it was a good thing to go...I still have 12 weeks left. I am looking forward to growing in my new life now, but I know it will be a bumpy ride. Thank goodness for God being there for us all.

God bless,

5kd
 

5kidsdad

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I had my 1st last Sunday. I am going to go again, but just felt like I couldn't relate. I am the youngest one there I belive. It is just hard becasue at times I want to push people out of my life becasue I just feel people let me down and want to hurt me.

In some discussions I've had with my STBX, she asked me if I trusted anyone anymore. This while she still denies an affair that I have proof she was in. I have great difficulty now trusting anyone, period. My family, yes, I trust them for the most part, but others, not so much. I know what you mean, I'm one of 2 men, the rest women. But there are women who are in similar situations to me. I am going again, for certain. I don't feel like I fit in, don't totally relate, etc. What I got from it was a sense of I'm not the only one in this situation, there are others. Right now, I need anything that will make my life seem like it makes sense. I know that God has a plan and purpose for me, but this sure seems like a really wierd way to get me there, if that makes sense. I would encourage you to go, as will I. As the weeks pass, I hope, for the both of us, that we will grow stronger in God, and begin to heal (which is what I need the most) and begin to undersatnd what His will is for us.

Stay stong in His grace, and trust in Him.

God bless,

5kd
 
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ido

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I'm really glad the group seems to be a good fit for you, 5kd! :thumbsup: I pray that you find the healing you are seeking as you work through this class and the daily devotionals.

romans - sometimes being surrounded by elders going through the same thing can be good b/c they can see it from a perspective you haven't experienced yet - and that might be helpful to you. I would encourage you to go at least a few more times. :)
 
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Autumnleaf

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Hang in there guys.

When you are in such a situation you can choose to circle the wagons against people who mean you no harm or you can open up and become one with the group and grow with them from it. When I was in such a situation at great cost and expense from someone who cared about me I circled the wagons, made the wrong choice. That was over a decade ago and even now I wish I had opened up when I had the chance. Do what your heart tells you to and live with it.
 
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DZoolander

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I had my 1st last Sunday. I am going to go again, but just felt like I couldn't relate. I am the youngest one there I belive. It is just hard becasue at times I want to push people out of my life becasue I just feel people let me down and want to hurt me.

Ehhh - when I was younger and I went through my divorce - I remember having feelings kind of like that. However - there are a couple of things to keep in mind.

First - with respect to the age thing - the human experience is the same - regardless of age. Heartbreak feels like heartbreak if you're 15, 30, 50, or 70. The only thing that really differs is the amount of experience you have which plays into how you are able to handle/perceive the heartbreak.

Next - regarding your feelings of alienation... Make sure to draw a distinction between "people let me down and want to hurt me" (as a blanket statement) vs. "the few people that I have chosen to put my trust into have let me down" - which points out the poignant fact that it's only the few you have chosen that make up that belief.

Like - when I was 28 - I went through my divorce. I believed that everyone had let me down...blah blah... but who exactly was "everyone"? There was my ex wife - and a couple of girls I had dated when I was a teenager (and maybe throw in some old juvenile resentment towards my parents/whatever). Total - "everyone" was like 5 people (4/5 of which really didn't count anyhow). To base a belief on how to handle your lifetime of social interactions upon the actions of 4-5 people (4 of which had been when I was a kid) was just stupid.

Ya know?
 
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romans324

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HAd my 2nd class just this last Sunday. Went okay I guess. Does confirm the reasons why I felt the way I did. I guess with me I just want someone to feel sorry for me, not because they feel like thay have too but because they want too. I had been hit with alot of stuff and lost alot. Just the feeling that someone cares is a big encouragement to me.
 
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5kidsdad

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I just got back from my second meeting tonight. Dealing with the grief and all tonight. It makes so much sense when it is pointed out to you what has happened, how you reacgted, and how you feel. I understand how it can be difficult to relate, or want to. I still feel goofy about going...don't want to admit that I am about to be divorced. What I am gathering from it is something I have known all along...God loves me, and is there for me, and will carry me through it all, the good and the bad. One person in there tonight said they just didn't know how to pray sometimes. The one thing I have been doing since the split was a lot of praying. I told them that you have to talk to God just like you feel. I also mentioned that I have told God in my praying that this whole thing sucks...it isn't like He doesn't know thats the way we feel anyhow. If anything, I have has tears and laughs with God these past months...keep remembering He is faithful to those who trust in Him.

God Bless...

5kd
 
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romans324

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One thing I didn't understand was how can God know how it feels in a divorce? Well with the book and Divorce care video I did understand. That when you get married 2 become one. When you seperate and divorce they don't become 2 people again but rather 1/2 of 1 or torn apart. This made totally sense when I seen Jesus crying on the cross Saying God why have you forsaken me. That feeling w/o the father presence would be the best description of how divorce feels. It gives me a new view of hoe Jesus felt and also know He DOES know how my pain feels, which gives me comfort in that.
 
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5kidsdad

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Just had our 3rd lesson tonight on anger. Wow, didn't know so many feelings would rise up tonight. I've been battling bitterness and anger anyhow. Feeling that there is no hope for my situation, and I might just have to wait on my kids to grow up to make decisions on their own as far as coming to live with me, and then adjusting the state mandated cash they are taking from me (sorry, bitter moment there.) I wish I knew how to describe how I feel now, and then in the lesson. I can't describe it adequately. Mad, but also sad. And it doesn't revolve around any feelings I have for her, only my precious little children. Mad I've been pulled from them in their daily lives, and sad that the 5 of them must go through what they are, no stability, no set schedule. Not knowing where they might be staying from one night to the next. As a dad, it bothers me. One thing I read tonight was that in the midst of a divorce, it is imperative that the adults try to set a definine routine and schedule for the kids. That structure for them is what helps them through the difficulty. I am trying to do that as much as I can while she doesn't. I was thinking about so many things during our discussion tonight, I was running the gambit. I would like to know if and what those of you who have gone through the DivorceCare classes on anger felt. I'm just curious.

5kd
 
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5kidsdad

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My admonition to all is that if you can find a group, go. It has been a blessing to me, allowed me to see some things, realize some things, and allowed me to bounce my feelings off of others, and help others. I was a minister for many years, and that has come back to help others. We had a gentleman with a lot of issues, and I was able to talk with him while I am trying to heal, so it is a great blessing. We have covered depression, anger, hurt, and I have learned so very much about myself in this process. If you can, go to a group. Nothing like getting together, and talking about your issues, and looking to God's Word for help.

God bless,

5kd
 
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5kidsdad

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Before I am asked to (TLOMiccy...LOL) I thought I would tell you that this is a really great experience, if going through all of this can be good. I have had a chance to connect with so many people who encourage me, and I am able to encourage them, too. Tonight, we discussed the lonliness that this brings. We talked so much about how to cope, and that it is so very to jump into rebound relationships. It is important to stop, and spend this time looking to God, and seeking His will for us, and that we need to embrace being single, not lonely. No, it isn't always easy, but it is possible to survive. It is getting easier, and I am getting closer to God through all of this. Good Christian songs, a lot of prayer, and a good family help. Just wanted to let you know how it's going so far...

God Bless...

5kd

BTW, TLOMiccy, I love your quote..."the worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth." Wow, that is so very, very true.
 
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Hiya 5k and ty soooo much for sharing that , I understand the feeling about rebound relationships . I wish i could find one of these classes that isnt too far from where i am right now :( .

About my quote , isnt it though !?! Sad but true ! Hope you continue to be blessed , and will keep you in prayers as well !

Miccy
 
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5kidsdad

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TLOMiccy, good for you! I hope you are able to go, it will help you through all the 'crap' of this 'wonderful' experience we are now going through. Actually, it will help to explain, with Biblical references, what you are facing, what you are going through, and why you feel like you do. Also, it will show you, throught the contact with others, that you are not alone. Also, there is a great e-mail program they have. It comes every day, and it is the first thing I read in myt e-mail every morning. You can sign up on the DivorceCare website. Those help as well.

God bless,

5kd
 
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5kidsdad

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Last week was our discussion on the Bible, our guidebook to all we face. We looked at what it said about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It was a very heavy class, as we looked into the guilty parties, and the innocent parties. We also looked into the whole subject of remarriage. There was very little talking about much of anything afterwards. We usually talk about it all...very heavy subject. It does have to be discussed, but it was hard.

5kd
 
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porterross

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Last week was our discussion on the Bible, our guidebook to all we face. We looked at what it said about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It was a very heavy class, as we looked into the guilty parties, and the innocent parties. We also looked into the whole subject of remarriage. There was very little talking about much of anything afterwards. We usually talk about it all...very heavy subject. It does have to be discussed, but it was hard.

5kd


This is where deep reflection and sincere prayer comes in as you seek answers to questions about the future. Being Lent, it's a good time to be able to lay it all out and at the foot of the cross. He will guide you and help you find the right answer for you and your situation.

There is no how-to manual in this area, but there is the guide of the Holy Spirit within you. Let Him be heard and go where He leads. There is your safe harbor for learning to trust again and it's a good and safe place to start.

I'm glad you have some guidance to help you through this. Many of us go through it on our own, which is tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Tens years after my nightmare, my life is one I could have never imagined and there is no question Who planned it. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the cross. :pray:
 
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5kidsdad

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Tonight was a discussion about when are you ready for a new relationship. It was amazing the timing of this class, given my kids questions last weekend about remarriage and such (listed in the Kids and their questions post.) In light of what she is doing, and what God expects of us, she is on a road to a trainwreck. As I watched the video, and we discussed everything, I felt a burden for my kids. If things go as they are seeming to go, and she hooks up with this guy who is into alcohol, poker, BDSM and pron, my kids are in trouble. One thing that seems a longshot is that those who are into porn always need a new "high' to get, um, motivated. Sometimes that lead to child sexual abuse. Like I said, it might be a longshot, but concerned none the less. Since she is not thinking clearly, I don't put anything past her. I just know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am not ready, or will be for any time remotely soon. I promised to update, and I am. It is really good, and if you get a chance to go to one, please do. It brings you together with others who are in need as well, and you get to learn from, encourage, and help each other out.

God bless,

5kd
 
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