So, does wealth matter/effect you?

[mina]

I don't think wealth matters. However, I wouldn't date or marry a man that didn't or couldn't control his spending or manage his money well. I think chanis said it best about wanting a man that is a good steward of his money and is hard working. I try to do those things so I would expect it of a SO as well.

 

[mina]

And another thought, if a man was currently poor, but had a job and was being careful of what he earned to try and gethimself out of his situation then I would greatly admire him. The love of money is not good, but neither is not being responsible with what you have.

 

[jussanuddername]

Men, does a woman's wealth intimidate you if you're less blessed in the financial department? If you're in a lower middle/low/white trash class, does it keep you from pursueing those women with money/come from a wealthy family?

Discuss.

I defnitely tend to shy away from women who make significantly more money than me. It's because I assume that they would ahve nothing to do with me. It's all about the myth of the pretty girl/rich guy thing.

On the other side of the coin:

I remember when I was about 18 years old, this one kid had a really nice car and I had this van. I remember him saying "I bet you don't get any girls with that." I recall responding something along the lines of "I wouldn't want someone who would want me because of the car I drive." Material things don't always last. Beauty fades as well. A true heart lasts forever.
As lonely as I get sometimes, it is a blessing that I don't have to settle for conditional relationships.

 

[london boy]

Financial background isn't important to me when I get to know a woman. I want to love her as she is, not because of her social standing.

 

[Femme Savante]

Money is a very difficult and knotty issue. To say, "Money isn't important because it isn't spiritual ; I only care about having my spiritual needs met" is callow and inexperienced. "Money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in marriage" according to Stanley & Markman, 1997. Financial difficulty is one of the leading causes of divorce. Unemployment and insufficient income are common causes of financial problems today. Poverty wages are a threat to marriage, because spouses have to work three or four jobs just to put food on the table, and economic stress is one of the leading causes of divorce.

So I'm going to be brutally honest and say yes, a man's income is important to me. In these days of rising unemployment (5.1%), low income and sudden layoffs, it's important to me that my man has a really good income. Earning a high salary becomes doubly important when you consider that I have several disabilities and am living on a fixed income right now, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to increase my income. So I need a man who is willing to support me and not feel that it is a hardship for him. I also expect my man to be generous, but materially but spiritually and emotionally.

I'm not very materialistic and I loathe conspicuous consumerism. I'd like to live comfortably, but not lavishly. I think people who live beyond their means, buy every new expensive toy the TV tells them they need, and hide in their gated developments are the worst example of having more money than sense. So I don't really want a man to shower me with jewelry and other baubles. But I've dated a lot of guys in the past year and I've learned that men with higher incomes tend cope with life better than men living on WalMart wages.

FS

 

[JPPT1974]

To be honest I am glad that I am not rich or else I would be spoiled rotten to the core. Or worse, my children if I had any, would be much more worse than I!

 

[H2o]

I dislike people who desire wealth, to a certain extent. I use to be a person who thought material possessions could make you content, but I guess I matured. As far as relationships, most people want someone who has a similar income, race, morals, goals, religion etc etc.

 

[christiankate]

Money dosn't matter to me. I mean love outweighs everything imo, If we were in love we could make it work. The only reason money would be useful is to have children (clothing, toys, food, daycare, college, stuff, i mean the list goes on and on ), Having kids is important to me, so if me or him had a fairly stable job, and the other was unemplored per se, then they could stay home with the kids, no day care that way . Anyway, I am not a materlistic person so all material items for me and him could be surpassed. As long as we could make it through I think we would be ok. I mean if you can't pay rent, then you might have a problem, but hey, you could always move in with the parents , since they would be so in love with our FC. Some way we would make it through, so there for money makes really no difference to me.

 

[Cordelia]

Wealth (as in being 'rich') doesn't matter, but personally, I feel compelled to work hard for enough money to live comfortably (having been raised by parents who weren't always able - or willing, in the case of my ex-stepfather - to work, and so struggled). I couldn't be with a man who didn't share that ethic with me.

 

[boilerblues]

I'll be honest and say I'm bad with money. I make a pretty good income, but I've made a LOT of poor decisions. Right now I'm really working on cleaning that area of my life up. I'll say that's probably my greatest shame in my life and I really want to address it. I just started dating a girl and I've been up front that I'm not real good with money. she has said she isn't either. We're not to the point of making a committment yet, but when we reach that point that will be one topic of discussion. I certainly don't have any place to be judgemental about anything she has done, but we'll discuss how we can best prepare for the future together. I don't care if she is rich or poor, I don't care if we are rich or poor. What matters is that we are living for Christ.

For those who have said they won't date someone or marry someone that isn't good with money, I do ask you to show some Grace. Not because those people deserve it, but because you might miss out on some special people and you can be a blessing to them. Yes, financial stewardship is important. It's something that needs to be worked through in a relationship. But let's face it, we're all poor and needy. We've all made mistakes, whether financial, sexual, or in a million other areas. One thing I've really been focusing on lately is the New Covenant as stated in Jeremiah 31:33-34, especially the last part where God says "their sin I will remember no more". Look at the story of the Prodigal Son, though the son blew his inheritance his father welcomed him back without judgement. Each of us ran up a debt with God that was far more than we could pay. He didn't expect us to get our act together first, He paid that debt and brought us into His family. He does expect us to life obediently because He redeemed us, but He doesn't hold it against us when we make mistakes. Money is a very temporary thing, no matter how well you manage it, it will always come and go. Show us poor fools some Grace, you never know what blessings you may receive in return.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I think that wealth can affect things because sometimes you just see the world from two totally different viewpoints. I have never dated someone who was 'lower class', but I do feel like they might treat me differently once they found out how much money my family had. I have mostly only dated people who were around the same 'wealth status' possibly a bit lower, just because thats who I'd been around the most....and who God chose put in my life.

But I've had friends from all different income levels and differing viewpoints on money never seemed to affect the friendship

 

[Sketcher]

boilerblues, for you and those like you:

If a church around you offers the Good Sense class, take it. If it is not available where you are, they have a good number of helpful links and book titles on their Web site.

http://www.goodsenseministry.com/forum/relatedmaterial.asp

 

[H2o]

I guess we all have different opinions towards what constitutes 'enough' money. For me, I never want to worry about a bill.....a adequately sized house, reliable car, enough money to allow sufficent time toward family etc. etc.

At times I feel guilty for desiring a lavish(subjective) lifestyle. I always think of others who live in extreme poverty in places such as Africa and ask God to give me perspective. In some cases, it seems as though people veiw money as status and blindly label positive characteristics toward those who have copious amounts. Therefore, we are all in competition for this materialistic happiness which dictates our careers, mates, friends and so forth.

In other words, if I make a 6 digit income, I hope God will bless me with the modesty to live as though I make half that amount. Maybe I can find other things to do with the rest that don't involve me.

 

[H2o]

delete

 

[Tenorvoice]

re-opened for now

 

[RED that's ME]

Well I guess I'll contribute to my own thread.

First, I'll say that I'm lower middle class/borderline white trash. I personally am very neat, organized, punctual, and clean, however I'm the exception of my family. The rest are very much the opposite. I can't stand it. I want to acheive a nice middle middle class status with the ability to buy nice things every so often. But currently, I'm white trash.

I'm very intimidated by women with money. It's not that I'm jealous or anything. But a woman having money, and myself/my family being dirt poor, well, it just kinda zaps my confidence. Unfortunatly, pretty much every girl my age in my church that I'm interested in/attracted to, well, I find out they're rich and just give up any and all hope. Unfortunatly for me as well, 90% of the people in my church are somewhat wealthy.

Anyway, that's just my perspective/2 cents.

umm when I think of white trash I don't think it of someone who is really trying hard to better themselves. What you have said you are trying to do....

I personally am very neat, organized, punctual, and clean

I don't see that as white trash. People cannot help how their family does and even though it can be embarrassing for others to see, you can show them by your own actions that you're different.

I don't hold it against a person what their family is/does. I love my friends for who THEY are. I have several friends who live/grew up in bad family situations. The old saying, you can pick your friends but not your family is true.
As christians every experience that happens to us is for a reason either out of our own choices or things out of our control. Each experience should draw us closer to God and also make us stronger in our faith/better christians whether they be good or bad.

I would encourage you to pray for your family and be an example to them. You never know how God can use you to change your family.

If it's God's will for me to marry one day I don't expect a guy with loads of money. I do want to marry someone who is financial responsible who is trying to better themselves and tries their best to take care of our family. I know money can be good or bad and that many divorces happen cause of money problems.

 

[boilerblues]

boilerblues, for you and those like you:

If a church around you offers the Good Sense class, take it. If it is not available where you are, they have a good number of helpful links and book titles on their Web site.

http://www.goodsenseministry.com/forum/relatedmaterial.asp

My church is working on putting together some stewardship training and I've been doing some studying myself. So it's something I'm working on.

One of the things I wonder about is so many people focused on finding someone that can provide a secure future. Where's the faith it that? Are you missing out on something great God may offer you because it doesn't look safe and secure? I'm not saying to make foolish decisions, but at the same time if God is calling you to leave Ur where everything is certain and stable, would you be willing to set out for Canaan?

I found it intersting, I was reading some on Robert Coleson (this was in "Soul Survivor" by Philip Yancey) and he found in studies in children from different backgrounds, the children from backgrounds of poverty had a stronger faith, a greater joy, a greater sense of giving, and a better outlook on life in general than those from rich backgrounds, who were depressed, struggling with meaning in life, were selfish, and had a hard time dealing with difficult times. He awknowledges that it's not true across the board, but just in general.

 

[mina]

For those who have said they won't date someone or marry someone that isn't good with money, I do ask you to show some Grace. Not because those people deserve it, but because you might miss out on some special people and you can be a blessing to them. /QUOTE]

I wouldn't date or marry someone that had an ongoing current problem with their finances with no desire to change. Someone who had made a mistake in the past but corrected it or is working to correct it is a whole other ball game. I dated a man that was in debt, but working hard to save and get out of it. He didn't have to spend a lot of money on me and I didn't expect him too. I tried to be respectful of his situation since he always insited on paying for our dates. He was a tremendous blessing in my life and I hope I was a blessing to him. I'm in love with him, but we are no longer together and it looks as though we will not be unless God intervenes. Anyways , he was hard working and I admired and respected that in him. Last I heard he is still in debt , but still trying to steward what he has to get out. His mismanagement of money from the past wasn't ever an issue to me. I think that he however had a problem with it and had a problem with me making more than he did and not having any money problems. And that makes me sad.

 

[Sketcher]

One of the things I wonder about is so many people focused on finding someone that can provide a secure future. Where's the faith it that? Are you missing out on something great God may offer you because it doesn't look safe and secure? I'm not saying to make foolish decisions, but at the same time if God is calling you to leave Ur where everything is certain and stable, would you be willing to set out for Canaan?

You're mixing contexts here. The Bible, especially in Proverbs, has several passages on how to deal with money and how not to, even to stay away from certain people. If God is going to call someone to a life of "faith" and "financial adventure" then I at least believe that He would call someone to be with a good steward. I can only imagine that living on faith and support if one is married to a pastor or a missionary is enough of a test of faith itself. If he just doesn't know how to spend the money or abuses it, that is a different ball game. Do not use "living by faith" as a cop out on responsible, Biblical handling of money.

One of the men who works with my campus ministry full time has a wife that is very wise with money. She told him when they were engaged he HAD to do something about his debt and spending or else it wasn't going to work. He reduced his debt from $15,000 to $2,000 in about a year (it involved selling a truck) and she saw the real change in him. They are happily married to this day, and give financial advice to students.

It is good that you're working on it. Keep at it, it is not that hard to get. Once you get in the groove, it can be like second nature to you.

 

[boilerblues]

I think maybe a couple of miscommunications have happened in our discussion of finances. I think the message I've gotten from several posts made is that people would only date someone who already had their financial ducks in a row, debt free and problem free. On the other end I think some people have gotten the idea from me that I'm suggesting not to care about someone's financial management at all, it isn't an issue. I think maybe we're missunderstanding each other in this.

In a relationship finanacial management is an important topic, money is the biggest cause of conflict in marriage. I certainly think that anyone entering into a relationship should be at least working towards being a good steward. On the other hand, I don't think that someone should be required to have all their financial ducks in a row before beginning a relationship. There's a difference between someone being totally careless about stewardship and someone who has made mistakes, been in a tough position, or is climbing their way up from the bottom.

As to the faith issue, evaluating someones fitness for a relationship based on whether they can provide you with everything you need is placing faith in the wrong thing. For instance, would you reject a struggling artist but readily accept the financially sound accountant? What if the position of the struggling artist had developed in them a strong faith that could carry your relationship through difficult times, where the accountant's faith is based on his financial nest egg and as soon as tragedy comes he has no faith because it was based on something that is fleeting? I know some struggling artist, many of them have good money mangagement skills because they have no money, they must make what they have go a long way.

I'm just saying that don't reject someone just because they don't have money. Even if they are recovering from mistakes, consider that God offers more from a relationship than financial stability. If you date someone and money management is the only sticking point, discuss with them making some changes. If they are willing to make those changes, stick with them. If they won't then it probably isn't a good idea.

I'm taking this stance because I've made mistakes and I'm working to recover from them. That doesn't make me unfit for a relationship, that just means that I'm a flawed human being who is seeking to grow and change. If anything beginning a relationship is challenging me even harder to make those changes. My mistakes are a source of shame for me, it scares me and hurts me to know that people will be ungracious towards me because I've made mistakes. Jesus doesn't hold my mistakes against me, He seeks for me to become the person He intended to be.