So confused...

[Lil Kitty]

This may be long, but I at least hope I can explain it in a way that makes a little bit of sense!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 months, we've talked about everything with eachother, and though we get stuck in a lot of places, lately one has been really difficult for us. Neither of us believe in pre-marital sex, and we aren't planning on doing that anytime soon. Our problem is the fact of sex when you get married. His belief is that you should only have sex to make babies, and I think it's an expression of love. He thinks when you have sex, you'd be lusting and that's wrong. He also believes birth control is wrong, and in some cases I agree. He believes that if it's God's will to have a child you will, and if it's not his will you won't, he thinks you should be fruitful and multiply. I'm confused, because I believe what I think is right, and I think he may be mislead. At the same time I fear I may be wrong and I just don't know it. Any advice, or opinions would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you all very much for any imput.

 

[JVD]

It isn't lust when you desire is for you spouse. Where is he being taught that? Sex is for making babies but also an expression of love.

As far as birth control...I know people that teach all the sides and I can see his point. But I also believe that a couple should be in total agreement on the children they bring into this world.

I feel this is am important point to clear up before marriage. Perhaps you to are ready for premarital counseling?

 

[LadyBird]

Your boyfriend should also realize that there are consequences for our (poor) decisions. This is a serious issue. I think it's something that could make or break a relationship. You need to talk with him and express how you feel about the issue. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to have sex except to conceive a child? Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't believe in birth control...those are serious decisions that need to be talked about and thought about. Both partners should agree on whether or not they will use birth control...and they should also agree on if they want to have kids. When a man and a woman are married, sex is okay. Maybe he feels like that because that's what he was taught about sex...who knows. You need to pray about this issue and talk with him.

 

[micaela]

His belief is that you should only have sex to make babies, and I think it's an expression of love. He thinks when you have sex, you'd be lusting and that's wrong. He also believes birth control is wrong, and in some cases I agree. He believes that if it's God's will to have a child you will, and if it's not his will you won't, he thinks you should be fruitful and multiply.

Hi Lil Kitty,
Has your SO read Song of Songs? It might pay for you both to have a look at it, with a commentary if possible. Reading it on your own and then discussing it might be the best option - it can be a little raunchy at times God has designed sex for both child bearing, and an intimate physical form of love within marriage. God actually delights in our pleasure within marriage!

Also, I don't believe that contraception shuts off God's reigning will in our lives. God is much bigger than a piece of latex or a pill. If your SO is truly concerned that the contraception might interfere with a birth that God desires, I suggest you pray about it together, seek premarital counselling from a godly source, and discuss how many children you're each intending on having in your marriage! It's a (very) cheap simile, but I must liken not using contraception and relying on God's intervention nonetheless, to not praying at all and expecting a relationship with God to develop and him to answer all unsaid prayers. Of course God has the ultimate authority, and is sovereign, but he loves us to pray, seek and ask of him.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

In Sunday School way back in the day I remember a teacher mentioning that in the Old Testament days, an Israelite was given a full year away from the army upon marriage to be with his wife. I could be wrong about the fact itself, but that seems a little excessive for impregnation

 

[Mr.Cheese]

It's a good thing you are learning this before you get married.

 

[Lbiagm]

i pray for yall.