So confused; recently divorced

[ta2mama]

I love my now-ex husband. He decided to divorce me after he began a relationship with another woman, and moving in with her 700 miles away from all family. I have been "standing" for my marriage, praying and fasting. This whole situation has given me a relationship with God that I never would have thought possible.

But now, after 8 months of torture, and being wracked with guilt for my shortcomings in the marriage, I just feel like giving up. He truly seem to have moved on with his life, although I don't understand how you can just throw away 16 years together. I am so torn. On the one hand, I still love himm and would take him back tomorrow; I did not want this divorce and I did everything I could to prevent it. It makes me sick and has forever changed me, destroyed my reality. Shattered me.

On the other hand, I wonder if I have the strength to spend the noext 40 or so years alone. Right now, I don't have the desire to pursue a realtionship. And I am struggling with the verses that say to marry a divorced woman causes both parties to commit adultery.

One major question I have is this: Could that passage mean that if you marry a divorced woman who was the cause of her divorce (such as her own adultery, or she just wanted to be free, whatever), THEN you are commiting adultery? Not refering to just ANY divorced woman, espcially one who was divorced against her will?

HELP! Rachel

 

[E_Powers]

it sounds like HE commited the adultry so he commited the sin. if he married her then he commited adultery agian and they are joined together. if he were to leave her after he married her for you he would commit adultery yet agian. but all in all he is a man whom has free will and all you can do is leave him to god to take care of.

if he did get remarried even if youi are not intrested God may call you into a life oc celebasy or he may bring another mate to you. just keep him in mind as you live your life for him and God will never leave you.

 

[ta2mama]

THank you for your advice. Rachel

 

[Svt4Him]

The passage you refer to has nothing to do with divorce, and is a bad translation. Your marriage ended with the divorce, and you are free to move on. My aunt wasted years of her life because she believed what the Bible calls a doctrine of demons which forbids people to marry.

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif] And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his
wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command
you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you
this precept.
a. First, the Pharisees asked if it was lawful for a man to put away his wife.
1) Jesus responded by asking them what Moses commanded.
2) They replied that Moses allowed them to write a “bill of divorce” and to
“put away”.
3) But Jesus responded that it was a “precept” or command, and that the giving
of it was because of their hardness of heart.
b. Observations:
1) If put away means the same as divorce or is used interchangeable, then
God’s word is redundant and makes no sense.
2) Such thinking has the conversants saying: (vs 4): Moses suffered you to
divorce your wives and to divorce them .
[/font]

 

[charligirl]

He committed the break of your marriage covenant by sleeping with another woman - he divorced you against your will. As far as I have studied you are the innocent party and are free to marry again.

 

[~Nikki~]

I'll just give the relevant verses and leave them to your interpretation, because I'm aware that it's a very emotive subject, and something that every person needs to decide for themselves... May I just say, please don't add to the verses anything that is not there, or take away from them anything that is there. The best way is to take them as written, as I'm sure Jesus said exactly what He meant...God bless...

Matthew 5:31-32
"Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except fornication causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

Matthew 19:9
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12
So He said to them,"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

Luke 16:18
"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery."

Romans 7:2-3
For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she if free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

1 Corinthians 7:39
A woman is bound by law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

 

[Evie]

I love my now-ex husband. He decided to divorce me after he began a relationship with another woman, and moving in with her 700 miles away from all family. I have been "standing" for my marriage, praying and fasting. This whole situation has given me a relationship with God that I never would have thought possible.

But now, after 8 months of torture, and being wracked with guilt for my shortcomings in the marriage, I just feel like giving up. He truly seem to have moved on with his life, although I don't understand how you can just throw away 16 years together. I am so torn. On the one hand, I still love himm and would take him back tomorrow; I did not want this divorce and I did everything I could to prevent it. It makes me sick and has forever changed me, destroyed my reality. Shattered me.

On the other hand, I wonder if I have the strength to spend the noext 40 or so years alone. Right now, I don't have the desire to pursue a realtionship. And I am struggling with the verses that say to marry a divorced woman causes both parties to commit adultery.

One major question I have is this: Could that passage mean that if you marry a divorced woman who was the cause of her divorce (such as her own adultery, or she just wanted to be free, whatever), THEN you are commiting adultery? Not refering to just ANY divorced woman, espcially one who was divorced against her will?

HELP! Rachel

for your own happiness,maybe it's time to move on.

 

[2scoops]

Luk 4:18The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

Co 14:33 For God is not theauthor of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.



Eveyone has given you good advice. You are free in God's eyes to re-marry or whatever you decide to do. As you see in Luke 4:18, Jesus was sent here to HEAL the brokenhearted. Jesus will heal you, you have that promise. Plus Satan is the author of confusion and wants you to be guilty, depressed,etc.The answer is Jesus.

 

[Shok]

Matthew 5:31-32
"Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except fornication causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

Matthew 19:9
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Ta2mama,

To answer your question about adultry when marrying someone who is divorced. I believe that God doesn't recognize divorce in any circumstances other than fornication. How else is it possible that it is adultry? It is legal in America do divorce for nearly any reason but only one reason will the divorce by recognized by God.

I believe the fornication clause applies in your situation. Though you didn't want the divorce he is guilty of fornication/adultry. Only when there is a divorce other than fornication are you and your new husbund in danger of committing adultry. I believe you are free and blameless. I believe if you remarry some day it will be a holy and righteous union with Mr. Right.

God bless,

Shok

 

[ta2mama]

Thanks to everyone who replied. For now, God has put it on my heart to wait. I'm just too heartbroken to even consider a new realationship, and I don't feel it is fair to my daughter to complicate her life even more with something like that. Not to mention, how many weirdos and perverts are out there! My standards are MUCH MUCH higher now, than when I met my exhusband. We had been together for 16 years,since we were teeagers; he's the only man I've loved and wanted. The Lord is my strength through all of this. Thanks again.

 

[Chrystal-J]

I might of missed this if it's already been posted...but, in
1 Corinthians 7:15 it states... "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

It states here that you are not bound to someone who has left you and is not living by the Word. (And since he left you for another woman...I would doubt that he's living by the Word.)

Anyway--I hope things improve for you soon!
Take Care,
C J

 

[Devasha]

ta2mama,

The important thing is to seek God. Has HE called you to stand for your marriage? If so, then that is what you need to know.

My marriage was recently restored after four years of me standing and then a few months where I felt released from my stand, during which time God got a hold of my husband and called him to stand. Finally I turned back to my husband, and we are now working together and rebuilding our marriage.

[BIBLE]Matthew 19:26[/BIBLE]

Keep crying out to God and seeking His will for your life. He will illuminate your path.

[BIBLE]Isaiah 30:21[/BIBLE]

 

[ta2mama]

ta2mama,

The important thing is to seek God. Has HE called you to stand for your marriage? If so, then that is what you need to know.

My marriage was recently restored after four years of me standing and then a few months where I felt released from my stand, during which time God got a hold of my husband and called him to stand. Finally I turned back to my husband, and we are now working together and rebuilding our marriage.

Matthew 19:26But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Keep crying out to God and seeking His will for your life. He will illuminate your path.

Isaiah 30:21And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.

Thank you thank you! I know my best course at the moment is to stay in prayer, and continue to grow in Christ. I've filled up three notebooks with scripture that Ive found or been directed to, and I cling to those.

I have to say, all of this tragedy happening in LA and MS has really gotten my mind off of MY problems! How small my problems see compared that that horror. Thank you, and bless you.

Rachel

 

[Svt4Him]

I'll just give the relevant verses and leave them to your interpretation, because I'm aware that it's a very emotive subject, and something that every person needs to decide for themselves... May I just say, please don't add to the verses anything that is not there, or take away from them anything that is there. The best way is to take them as written, as I'm sure Jesus said exactly what He meant...God bless...

Can you tell me what you do with a verse like this one:

Acts 9: 7And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man.

and

Acts 22: 9And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me.

I'd personally go to the original and find out what it says:

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]reek/English Interlinear (tr){BUT I} legw <3004> (5719) {SAY} umin <5213> {TO
YOU} oti <3754> {THAT} oV <3739> an <302> {WHOEVER} apolush <630> (5661)
thn <3588> {SHALL PUT AWAY} gunaika <1135> autou <846> {HIS WIFE,} parektoV
<3924> {EXCEPT} logou <3056> {ON ACCOUNT} porneiaV <4202> {OF
FORNICATION,} poiei <4160> (5719) {CAUSES} authn <846> {HER} moicasqai
<3429> (5738) {TO COMMIT ADULTERY;} kai <2532> {AND} oV <3739> ean
<1437> {WHOEVER} apolelumenhn <630> (5772) {HER WHO HAS BEEN PUT
AWAY} gamhsh <1060> (5661) {SHALL MARRY,} moicatai <3429> (5736)
{COMMITS ADULTERY.} [/font]
Then I'd wonder if it is a blessing when I read

...they will follow spirits that lie and teachings of demons. Such teachings come from the false words of liars whose consciences are destroyed as if by a hot iron. They forbid people to marry...

 

[Egghead]

Sounds to me like you let the unbeliever leave.
You are not bound.

Dont seek a spouse now.
Take time to get back to ''you''.
Ask God what HE wants for your life, what is best for you.
then wait for an answer

God bless and good luck sis

I love my now-ex husband. He decided to divorce me after he began a relationship with another woman, and moving in with her 700 miles away from all family. I have been "standing" for my marriage, praying and fasting. This whole situation has given me a relationship with God that I never would have thought possible.

But now, after 8 months of torture, and being wracked with guilt for my shortcomings in the marriage, I just feel like giving up. He truly seem to have moved on with his life, although I don't understand how you can just throw away 16 years together. I am so torn. On the one hand, I still love himm and would take him back tomorrow; I did not want this divorce and I did everything I could to prevent it. It makes me sick and has forever changed me, destroyed my reality. Shattered me.

On the other hand, I wonder if I have the strength to spend the noext 40 or so years alone. Right now, I don't have the desire to pursue a realtionship. And I am struggling with the verses that say to marry a divorced woman causes both parties to commit adultery.

One major question I have is this: Could that passage mean that if you marry a divorced woman who was the cause of her divorce (such as her own adultery, or she just wanted to be free, whatever), THEN you are commiting adultery? Not refering to just ANY divorced woman, espcially one who was divorced against her will?

HELP! Rachel

 

[Egghead]

I might of missed this if it's already been posted...but, in
1 Corinthians 7:15 it states... "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

It states here that you are not bound to someone who has left you and is not living by the Word. (And since he left you for another woman...I would doubt that he's living by the Word.)

Anyway--I hope things improve for you soon!
Take Care,
C J

amen.....not bound.

 

[Devasha]

Rachel,

What you said about the hurricaine victims is so true. It helps to remember that it can always be worse. We can count our blessings, starting with the fact that we are still drawing breath.

[BIBLE]Ecclesiastes 9:4[/BIBLE]

I found this place to be tremendously helpful for encouragement when I needed it most: www.restorem.org

I will be praying for you.

 

[Johnnz]

Either option is hard, as any marriage break up destroys so much. He has made his choice to leave. You must begin to take a long term view of where you wnat to go in life, and that he will not be there in all porbability

You are free to remarry. let m eknow if this is still a worry for you and I can either send you something or post it here.

Bless you

John
NZ