SO Angry

[bubblegirl23]

Hi all,

I'm back from my week off. Sometimes I need a holiday because I found heavy bouts of stress used to make me physically sick. A few days off gives me time to find perspective. Chocolate and MSG are my binge foods, particularly MSG, which is to be kept at a low intake or it irritates my oesophagus. In these times, I ignore this and eat foods containing high levels.

I will now answer all your queries...

The book I am writing is about my illness. My goal of this is to warn those suffering early easily-ignored symptoms, kids who misuse chemicals, share ideas that help MCS sufferers, and address aspects such as personal subjects and social situations. The book is a ''tell all"; nothing in my life remains secret. Being so blatantly honest means that those judging know me thoroughly, and can make fair judgements. If one can't understand me then ,they never had a hope to.

Yes, there is a support group, many in fact. Ideas and comfort can be found here, but I don't feel as comfortable there. Many who attend this online forum are much sicker than I am, so it feels wrong to complain, or discuss things I do that they can't. I try to mix with healthy people because in daily life houseboand, I am away from contaminants and can function normally.

When new at a chatroom, I find it difficult to keep a secret like this. Think of questions I can't answer normally....
"You're a writer? Did you study English at uni?"
"Writing isn't enough to support you, how do you support yourself?"
"Why aren't you out partying? It's Saturday night!"
"You're cute, why are you still single?"
"Why are you still living at home?"
"Can we meet at a cafe?"
"Why didn't you finish high school?"
"Why can't you sleep with me?"
"Why won't you have kids?"
"Why don't you drive?"
Etc..etc....etc

Yes, there are lies or "changing the truth", but I pride myself on doing neither. Anyone whose going to know ME is going to find out soon enough. Besides, it chases away sleazy jerks! People say I should flirt with men, and not tell my situation, but I feel it's underhanded and a waste of time. They leave if they were going to, whether told earlier or later. Friends or lovers, I want someone to love me as I am, and them only seeing that after proving they can handle their conventional ideas challenged... Not everyone's life plays out the same; not every girl is the same. And you, my friends, have seen past the barrier and are now in my heart. Bless you all!

Bible: I wanted an offline version, and found a comprehensive King James version at Project Gutenberg. Contains both testaments, and was compiled after several versions have been written. It's text, so anyone can use the zipped file, which is 1.4MB in size. Link is http://www.gutenberg.net/etext/30
for those wanting it too. I read a good amount of Job, although some of it I struggled to understand. It can take a few re-reads to understand the old sentence structuring and wording. Am I right assuming the moral is to have faith in God, no matter what is dealt, and sooner or later the mean get "paid back"?

I've decided to start at the beginning in Genesis, and I'm up to... Genesis 21:9. It's actually more interesting in the bible than I thought. I never knew Adam & Eve's offspring were wiped out by the flood, and I never knew the flood was to "start again". I thought it was just a natural occurence that God wanted Noah to save the animals from. I've read up to Abram, now Abraham and his wife finally able to have kids, and Isaac is born. I'm a sponge when reading books, aren't I!

Rest assured, I feel a lot better after my rest, and a brief look at everyone's encouragements a few days ago. Everything seemed so much easier to bare this time, knowing I had a group of friends who had seen deep into my heart and taken the time to listen. Big hugs and blessings to all of you!

S

 

[jenptcfan]

Hang in there. It must be frustrating to be in your situation. Anyone would be angry and frustrated when dealing with the things you're dealing with. Just don't allow yourself to become bitter about it. Bitterness only punishes yourself for things others have done. It's a punishment you don't deserve and only you can prevent.

I think it's good that you've found support groups. If the people there are in worse condition than you, why not ask them "How do you deal with people who don't believe you're really sick?" Instead of using it as a place to complain about stuff, use it to find different ideas about how to deal with all of the hard stuff you have to deal with? Most of us can't really relate to that, but your support group friends will be able to. We can give you sympathy and everything, but we can't truly know what it's like to be in your shoes.

About the questions you listed:

When new at a chatroom, I find it difficult to keep a secret like this. Think of questions I can't answer normally....
"You're a writer? Did you study English at uni?" No, but I love English and have a natural talent for writing.
"Writing isn't enough to support you, how do you support yourself?" How do you know it's not enough to support me?
"Why aren't you out partying? It's Saturday night!" I'm not a partyer.
"You're cute, why are you still single?" I haven't met the man I'm supposed to marry yet.
"Why are you still living at home?" I live at home because I have health problems and my family helps take care of me.
"Can we meet at a cafe?" No. I don't meet up with people I've just met in a chat room.
"Why didn't you finish high school?" I was ill and couldn't finish.
"Why can't you sleep with me?" Because I'm a Christian and we're commanded not to have sex outside of marriage. or I don't sleep with people I don't even know.
"Why won't you have kids?" I have health problems that prevent me from having children.
"Why don't you drive?" My question: How do they know you don't drive?
Etc..etc....etc

I'm not trying to downplay how painful it must be to hear questions like that, but there are valid answers to those questions without going into detail about the how's and why's.

Don't forget the following verse. If something is important to you (your story, for instance), don't throw it to just anyone without first realizing the possible consequences and giving people a chance to prove they're not "pigs".

Matthew 7:6
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

 

[bubblegirl23]

"Why are you still living at home?" I live at home because I have health problems and my family helps take care of me.

"Why didn't you finish high school?" I was ill and couldn't finish.

"Why won't you have kids?" I have health problems that prevent me from having children.

* * *
The answers you've given I have used, but the three questions above are the stumpers. As soon as I use any answers such as above, the next question is, "what health problem?" Then I'm stuck. I've tried the "never mind", "no Big deal, nothing contagious", but they still want to know. Humans are naturally curious. It's a matter of spitting out, and bracing myself!

I liked the bible quote. I'm still in Genesis, so I am not yet up to all those strength-building quotes.
Rest assured, thanks to everyone I feel stronger to take on those sort of idiots in the future. I'm not going to use chatrooms in the future, but next time via email or forum someone says, "I don't believe you" and get abusive, they'll get one line... "And I don't believe I care what you think!" <ignore Button>. If people don't believe me but are polite about it, I'll tell them to look up MCS in google, and start reading.

S

 

[JPPT1974]

I love all scriptures and all Bible verses that there is no favorite. They are second to none!! I need to lean on them much, much, more though and it makes anybody feel guilty.

 

[fishstix]

"Why are you still living at home?" I live at home because I have health problems and my family helps take care of me.

"Why didn't you finish high school?" I was ill and couldn't finish.

"Why won't you have kids?" I have health problems that prevent me from having children.

* * *
The answers you've given I have used, but the three questions above are the stumpers. As soon as I use any answers such as above, the next question is, "what health problem?" Then I'm stuck. I've tried the "never mind", "no Big deal, nothing contagious", but they still want to know. Humans are naturally curious. It's a matter of spitting out, and bracing myself!

I liked the bible quote. I'm still in Genesis, so I am not yet up to all those strength-building quotes.
Rest assured, thanks to everyone I feel stronger to take on those sort of idiots in the future. I'm not going to use chatrooms in the future, but next time via email or forum someone says, "I don't believe you" and get abusive, they'll get one line... "And I don't believe I care what you think!" <ignore Button>. If people don't believe me but are polite about it, I'll tell them to look up MCS in google, and start reading.

S

Possible answers to "What health problems?":

I'd rather not discuss that.
Severe allergies.
I don't like going into detail.
I don't want to bore you with the details.

Or just change the subject without answering or even acknowledging the question Remember that you don't have to answer all the personal questions that people may ask you online, including ones about your health. You can always indicate that it is none of their business by simply refusing to answer.

 

[sline]

I have some advice for you. Read Joyce Meyer's book entitled, "Me and My Big Mouth!" Why? Because you are entrapping yourself with your own words. Someone once said that no one can insult you without your permission. I do not understand what your illness is or why you feel compelled to advertise it. Is it really necessary that everyone (especially people you do not even know) be aware of your physical condition? If you continue to be angry all the time and feel that everything is so unfair you will never die to self and live for Christ. Therefore you negate the work that He did on the Cross. He said that He came to give you life, and that more abundantly. If that is true, then what is wrong? The fault is not in Him, it is in you. You require a heart transplant. I have been through the same thing but I had to start asking God to change ME, not everyone else. It is not scriptural to ask Him to change everything or everyone else to fit our needs or to be the way we think they should be. Only God knows how people should be. When David sinned he was repentent and he prayed: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence, take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation." I have prayed that because I have worked in abusive environments. Paul never instructed us to pray for things to be fair in our own estimation. He said he had acquired the ability to be rich or poor, well fed or hungry, to be abased or to be uplifted. The victory was found in Christ. When we can truly be content in any circumstances whatsoever without murmuring or complaining and serve God with all our heart, therein is the victory. If outside circumstances change how you react or think or talk then where is Christ? The enemy is having a field day with you and is laughing. Only you can decide how to act like Christ in your situation. If nothing else, shut up! Stop allowing the negative abundance within your heart to escape through your lips! You are prophecying your own doom! Say with Job: Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him! Then make a conscious choice to do so. Find positive Scriptures and say them out loud. Rebuke the enemy with your words just as Jesus did. He would say, "It is written..." and that was how He waged spiritual warfare. The tactics have not changed in 2000 years. Stand on the Word and start thanking Him for all you have. Try listening to Christian music that will uplift your soul to praise and worship Him and He will give you the peace that passes understanding. If you are homebound, read about Joni Erikson and how she overcame depression and found fulfillment in the Lord and in her marriage. If you are wanting a Christian spouse, pray to be a Christian wife and God will lead that certain person to you. But what if He doesn't? What can separate us from the love of God? Nothing - except ourselves.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Sline: I only joined a few weeks ago, so you can easily find my first post by clicking "Find All posts by Bubble Girl". That will save me boring everyone by explaining again!

And yes, maybe I shouldn't tell, but I have found when you don't answer questions fully, people consider you up to no good. They hear "I'm housebound" and think I'm a vegetable not worth respecting, or I'm housebound because I committed a crime. I get called "child hater, men hater, frigid or other labels because no explanation is given as to the decision my illness makes for me. Other times I've never even let on, and I've been abused for being someone I'm not. For example, "you b...., I thought you'd move to live with me" or "I don't want to date a sick b....", or "I'm not giving up my deodorant for anybody!" Not to mention, weeks of thinking "any day now he'll find out..."

Think about it... would you want to get to know a really great girl, only to find out you've been deceived? You've made international calls and put off other things to meet her online. Wouldn't you get annoyed? I tell to save their time, and my guilt for hiding things.

I don't dwell or depress people. They find out via my profile page everyone else got the link to. The attitude I have is "yes, I have this illness, moving on to more interesting topics!" I just know in my heart, that a lot of men will shun me for my sickness, and it's easier they leave now than later... skip the deception already.

Not telling is harder in the end. I've tried it several times to disaster.

Fishstix: I have tried that, but as above, it's deceptive and a waste of time. Some men find it better because they can read my info and say, "actually I plan on kids one day." If this wasn't bought up, imagine how annoyed they'd be!

Maybe I do have a Big mouth, but others do too. Women have spoken about their endomentreosis, lupus and other illnesses they have - they aren't brutalised.

In a way, I think me hiding this is a cop out. The truth is that people are cruel when they don't understand, or care to understand. If everyone else who has a disease is free to speak of it without abuse, why can't I? Looking at it from this angle, I'd say THEY have the problem not me.

People assume I'm whinging. Yes, this post is a whinge, but it's about the treatment I get, not the illness itself. My first post spoke about my illness, to explain, Not whinge. Some people fly off the handle when they know what's wrong with me, like it offends them. I'm the one with the disease, but they go off! I have no ill will towards my situation because I know the emotional growth I have made, and I know that as long as I am protected, I am not going to die.

Interesting in your thoughts,

S

 

[fishstix]

Sline: I only joined a few weeks ago, so you can easily find my first post by clicking "Find All posts by Bubble Girl". That will save me boring everyone by explaining again!

And yes, maybe I shouldn't tell, but I have found when you don't answer questions fully, people consider you up to no good. They hear "I'm housebound" and think I'm a vegetable not worth respecting, or I'm housebound because I committed a crime. I get called "child hater, men hater, frigid or other labels because no explanation is given as to the decision my illness makes for me. Other times I've never even let on, and I've been abused for being someone I'm not. For example, "you b...., I thought you'd move to live with me" or "I don't want to date a sick b....", or "I'm not giving up my deodorant for anybody!" Not to mention, weeks of thinking "any day now he'll find out..."

Think about it... would you want to get to know a really great girl, only to find out you've been deceived? You've made international calls and put off other things to meet her online. Wouldn't you get annoyed? I tell to save their time, and my guilt for hiding things.

I don't dwell or depress people. They find out via my profile page everyone else got the link to. The attitude I have is "yes, I have this illness, moving on to more interesting topics!" I just know in my heart, that a lot of men will shun me for my sickness, and it's easier they leave now than later... skip the deception already.

Not telling is harder in the end. I've tried it several times to disaster.

Fishstix: I have tried that, but as above, it's deceptive and a waste of time. Some men find it better because they can read my info and say, "actually I plan on kids one day." If this wasn't bought up, imagine how annoyed they'd be!

Maybe I do have a Big mouth, but others do too. Women have spoken about their endomentreosis, lupus and other illnesses they have - they aren't brutalised.

In a way, I think me hiding this is a cop out. The truth is that people are cruel when they don't understand, or care to understand. If everyone else who has a disease is free to speak of it without abuse, why can't I? Looking at it from this angle, I'd say THEY have the problem not me.

People assume I'm whinging. Yes, this post is a whinge, but it's about the treatment I get, not the illness itself. My first post spoke about my illness, to explain, Not whinge. Some people fly off the handle when they know what's wrong with me, like it offends them. I'm the one with the disease, but they go off! I have no ill will towards my situation because I know the emotional growth I have made, and I know that as long as I am protected, I am not going to die.

Interesting in your thoughts,

S

My suggestions were more for when you're first meeting strangers in a chatroom or whatever. Of course by the time you get to the point where you're dating someone you will want to tell them more about yourself, but there should be some time in between when you first meet someone and when you start dating them - even in an online relationship. It is sometime during that time period after you have got to know each other a bit that you would want to discuss slightly more personal matters. If you move too quickly into a dating type relationship and bypass the whole getting to know each other as friends bit then you will likely run into problems like you described due to one or both people having false expectations because they don't really know the other person well enough yet. I guess what I'm trying to say is take things slow, even if it's just online

 

[jenptcfan]

They hear "I'm housebound" and think I'm a vegetable not worth respecting, or I'm housebound because I committed a crime. I get called "child hater, men hater, frigid or other labels because no explanation is given as to the decision my illness makes for me. Other times I've never even let on, and I've been abused for being someone I'm not. For example, "you b...., I thought you'd move to live with me" or "I don't want to date a sick b....", or "I'm not giving up my deodorant for anybody!" Not to mention, weeks of thinking "any day now he'll find out..."

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that 'vegetables' aren't worth respecting?

People who call you names and give you those mean labels, are not worthy of your explanation! These are not high quality men. If you can bring that out in them without sharing the details of your life, isn't it better to just not share the details of your life? As complicated and frustrating as your medical condition is, it's still part of you--and those people don't deserve to see any more of you if they've already shown they're hateful. Those are exactly the same people who aren't going to believe your story and are going to hurt you even more when you pour out the details of your life and they scoff at you.

I'm not saying that you should keep your illness a secret. I just think maybe it would be better if you let people go through a 'screening period' before you told them...and even then, break it down into little chunks so people who are not familiar with the disease can mull it over and learn more about it and really understand it. People have to be able to get to know you on a friendship level before they will trust you (that's true for anyone!), especially through the internet. Unfortunately, there ARE some very dishonest people out there who make people suspicious of those of us who are honest.

And for all those hurtful things people have said to you--I'm really sorry that you've had to endure that. Nobody should be treated like that.

 

[desi]

Bubblegirl, that must be hard. Your aspirations are noble and will help many children. I have not heard of anyone like you since 'David?', think I read a book about him long ago, but can only imagine the difficulty of your life. I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[jet_blue]

hey mate, try not to be negative, ok? gods not pushing u to satan at all. dont belive any single word the devil says-its all a big lie. and thats a fact. if u dont mind me asking, what exactly is your condition- and why do people treat u so? if u dont want to tell-sok

 

[Kaylynn]

"Why are you still living at home?" I live at home because I have health problems and my family helps take care of me.

"Why didn't you finish high school?" I was ill and couldn't finish.

"Why won't you have kids?" I have health problems that prevent me from having children.

* * *
The answers you've given I have used, but the three questions above are the stumpers. As soon as I use any answers such as above, the next question is, "what health problem?" Then I'm stuck. I've tried the "never mind", "no Big deal, nothing contagious", but they still want to know. Humans are naturally curious. It's a matter of spitting out, and bracing myself!

I liked the bible quote. I'm still in Genesis, so I am not yet up to all those strength-building quotes.
Rest assured, thanks to everyone I feel stronger to take on those sort of idiots in the future. I'm not going to use chatrooms in the future, but next time via email or forum someone says, "I don't believe you" and get abusive, they'll get one line... "And I don't believe I care what you think!" <ignore Button>. If people don't believe me but are polite about it, I'll tell them to look up MCS in google, and start reading.

S

"Why are you still living at home?" I'm a homebody, I like being around my family.

"Why didn't you finish high school?" I figured it would be a lot quicker to just get a GED than sit for hours on end in a boring class room

"Why won't you have kids?" I haven't met anyone yet who I'd even want to try to have kids with.

why not try those. They all kind of beat around the bush, plus, if people are asking why WON'T you have kids, doesn't necessarally mean you need to tell them that you are physically unable to.... *shrugs*

 

[bubblegirl23]

Jet: read www.bubblegirl.net/bubble.html followed by www.bubblegirl.net/chemfree.html