SO Angry

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

I don't know why I'm bothering to waste time telling this, but I am so angry I don't know whether to cry, scream or punch my pillow!

Most of you know what's wrong with me medically. I try and tell myself people misunderstand me, but most don't. They think I'd lie about being stuck in my home for attention - if I was going to lie for that I'd say I had a great intelligence or amount of money!

I was trying to fit in in a chatroom again... no use. I get called liar, desperate, they tell me to swallow some flyspray and die already, and many other insults I can't even repeat here.

I try and be strong, but nothing works. This time I told them I'd call one of them, and give them a chance to interrogate me, in the hope they'd realise I'm genuinely like this. I called the numbers and had to apologize to the police department, whose numbers it was.

People tell me not to worry about it, but how can I iignore it? I have been shunned in this way all over the net! I don't want anymore! No more derogatory sexual remarks, no more brutal labels! But how do I stop it? Maybe secretly everyone thinks I'm a liar, and when my book hopefully gets published I'll be brutalised more.

I've learnt this lesson already God, why do you keep putting me through it? Is the moral that I'm always going to be a big nothing that nobody believes?

Socialising sucks!

S

LifeInYou · May 2, 2004

Why is it necessary that people believe what you're telling them about your condition? Do you need help, support, or encouragement? I'm utterly confused.

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

It is so tempting to really lie sometimes. Avoid people altogethe r, stop socialising, and just tell people I'm a crim or something so they don't bother me. Give out obese women pics so strange men wwould stop trying to sleep with me. That's it - I wish I was fat and ugly, and then people would just pick on my exterior and it wouldn't hurt so much. Nobody would have to know the truth, because they'd leave before then. I'm sick of being happy little friendly me - I should be real mean and avoid people, like they all believe anyway.

In fact, don't even give me pity, just tell me why I'm the one who has to put up with this. And if you don't believe me, just say so. I'm sure if I started a yahoo group for people who think I'm a liar, it'd be the most populated group. If you don't believe it, I can show you a newsgroup the same thing happened. And now their adding me to MSN to keep it going.

I've never been more serious than now, wishing I had something else wrong with me, or could lie well enough to get away with it.

Now I feel dumb writing this... why couldn't God just execute me than put me through this pain?

HelpingHand · May 2, 2004

I can understand how you feel, one of my best friends has the same hard time you do. everyone always put him down, and made fun of him, even me, for a very long time. But then, God opened my eyes, and now, we are like best friends! I take up for him, b/c he doesn't feel he should. I got his back, so to speak. lol
He's 18 now, and we became friends when he was 16, but for 16 years, he didn't have any friends..yet, he still trusted God, and did his best to please Him, that's what you need to do, try your best to please God. He is the only one who matters, and He already loves you!

HelpingHand · May 2, 2004

pain......is inivitable, but misery is optional.....

Trust in the Lord. He will be your strength. DOn't look to Him as your executer, look to Him as your savior!
Feel free to PM me, I'm more than willing to talk with you, and be your friend

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

Why is it necessary that people believe what you're telling them about your condition? Do you need help, support, or encouragement? I'm utterly confused.

Because when you get brutalised like this, all you want to hear is people believe you. You wish there was a test you could take to prove you are genuine. That's all I wish for. Sometimes I think about having an attack on purpose by using a fragrance, and letting people watch it online. Yes, I could die, but at least someone would believe me. The months bedrest should I survive would be worth it to me. All I want is people to understand me, and see me for who I am. Not how they tthink I am. I'm just a girl stuck with this disease who wants to be accepted and loved.

HelpingHand · May 2, 2004

I accept, and love you! I believe you. Don't let satan do this to you girl! I am sick as well, and times are hard for me, but NEVER let yourself feel that you have to prove yourself worthy to them! Christ is what matters most girl!

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

Misery isn't optional in my case, it's inevitable

HelpingHand · May 2, 2004

no your wrong. You don't have to deal with that. Satan is lieing to you, and you are beliving those lies! If it is so important for other people to believe your truth, and yet you can't even beliebe the truth that Christ is trying to show you! He can take all you misery, and give you a peace that you'll never be able to understand! you are chosing to be miserable, can't you see that? Jesus wants to take all that from you, wont you let Him, wont you believe His truth for you?

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

It's just so unfair. I never do anything wrong. I can't even lie to keep a surprise planned. I'm not on Satan's side, so why is God pushing me so?

I have to shut up! I'm going to get called a whiner.

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

Why can't he just show me in a way that is less painful? How can believing change anything?

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

I'll go away and think about what you said. I think after a good cry, a chocolate binge and a week away from people will do me good. But still I wonder if I ever will prove them all wrong. If my book will be published and if I would gain understanding or higher doses of the abuse I get. I pray I've suffered this teasing over the last 5 years for something. Knowing I'll have my turn to shine one day would be comforting on nights like this, but there's no guarantee. I might always be a Nobody to ridicule.

S

Mr.Cheese · May 2, 2004

From reading your bio you sound like you're pretty cool to me.

wildthing · May 2, 2004

Hi there;
I usaully do not tell a lot about myself because I think it is boring. Since I was 6 yrs old I have had medical problems like yours. I understand how you feel I also know the amount of put downs and other problems that you are going through, I have gone threw this with my own family. But there is one thing I need to tell you the best friend I ever had is God. God sent his only son for me, he die for me. He paid for me because I am worth so much to him. (headaches, stuffy nose and water eyes and all) Best of all he never put me down.

I want you to do me favor. Grab that Bible and open it up to the book of Job. Look at what this guy went threw. I don't know if I could do all that he went threw. But I know one thing Job kept his eyes on God. His wife left him, his friends talk to him about stuff, and he lost his family, his wealth but he never curesed God. If God was his friend I want a friend just like that. I want you to read the Book. If you want to PM me. I will help you, I will pray for you. But most of all I will never put you down. As a christian we are commanded to Love one another and I am willing to do that for you. Heck, I don't even know what you look like, I don't even have to know. All I need to know is that you are a child of God.

Ps Punch that pillow but don't punch the little doggie or kitty. I have been knowing to punch out a pillow or two.

bubblegirl23 · May 2, 2004

I don't have a bible. I'm allergic to commercial print, but if I can get an ebook I'll read it. I looked up free ebook archive, and have no idea which one I want. Which one am I needing?

http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/search?author=&amode=words&title=bible&tmode=words

songz777 · May 2, 2004

Hello Bubble,
sounds like your having a tough time girl.
I suppose for me I could say "Why God have you picked on me to suffer so much emotional pain, like 18 years of it"" pain that cuts to the hurt, and hours deep weeping that spells the depths of my hearts despare, why me God, why do you bless everyone else but me, You seem so unfair"" Thats me Bubble, well not so much now, Ive grown close to God and realise that the one who is causing me the pain is the only one who can help me lol. Miss Bubble, I dont know how you feel, exactly, coz I aint got your condition. All I can say God does care and He knows how far to push you to get the response He wants for your best for the future. Tough it seems i know.
All you can do is accept this and go with the flow of God.
Thanks for your kind words earlier for me.
Take care ur big brov in Jesus JOHN

fishstix · May 2, 2004

bubblegirl23 said:
I don't have a bible. I'm allergic to commercial print, but if I can get an ebook I'll read it. I looked up free ebook archive, and have no idea which one I want. Which one am I needing?

http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/search?author=&amode=words&title=bible&tmode=words

http://bible.gospelcom.net/

You now have a Bible Several in fact, as that site has a bunch of different versions.

A question for you - How soon after arriving in a new chatroom do you tell people all about your condition? I'm just wondering because maybe that might have something to do with people not believing you. And it is something that most people probably don't even realize exists. People usually have an easier time believing people who they have gotten to know than people who are total strangers. So maybe if you share other things about yourself first and leave much of the disease part out for the first while it would help. I mean, go ahead and say that you suffer from MCS and give a link to a website that you feel describes it well if someone asks, but don't go into huge amounts of detail to start with. Like other people have said, don't let yourself be defined by a disease. There is a lot more to you than that.

Living4Him03 · May 2, 2004

bubblegirl23 said:
I don't know why I'm bothering to waste time telling this, but I am so angry I don't know whether to cry, scream or punch my pillow!

Most of you know what's wrong with me medically. I try and tell myself people misunderstand me, but most don't. They think I'd lie about being stuck in my home for attention - if I was going to lie for that I'd say I had a great intelligence or amount of money!

I was trying to fit in in a chatroom again... no use. I get called liar, desperate, they tell me to swallow some flyspray and die already, and many other insults I can't even repeat here.

I try and be strong, but nothing works. This time I told them I'd call one of them, and give them a chance to interrogate me, in the hope they'd realise I'm genuinely like this. I called the numbers and had to apologize to the police department, whose numbers it was.

People tell me not to worry about it, but how can I iignore it? I have been shunned in this way all over the net! I don't want anymore! No more derogatory sexual remarks, no more brutal labels! But how do I stop it? Maybe secretly everyone thinks I'm a liar, and when my book hopefully gets published I'll be brutalised more.

I've learnt this lesson already God, why do you keep putting me through it? Is the moral that I'm always going to be a big nothing that nobody believes?

Socialising sucks!

S

Have you tried to join a formal support group (that meets online) ? There may actually be one for people who have something similar to what you have. You can check that out or join another type of group. Trying to meet your friends in online chat rooms isn't the best of ideas. Sorry, but it's not. For your protection, be careful about calling someone! I guess you learned that from when the person gave you the police number. Do you know anyone who goes to a local church? you could ask them to try and get it set up so that you could participate with a sunday school class online or something! They could do a live broadcast with a web cam Hope that helps! I will be praying for you, I know it has to be difficult to be in your situation. Just know that you are not a nobody and that your life is so precious! You never know who will benefit from your story. There have to be other people in similar situations. Finding them and talking to one would likely be helpful. You might inspire them and they might inspire you! Also, what is your book about? Why not write about what your life has been like and how you have coped with all that you've been through with your health?

wildthing · May 2, 2004

Hi again, Any version would do. But I prefer a modern translation. NIV will do nicely.
I forgot about the print problem, Sometimes it is the glue they use gives me my problem. Living4Him03 and Fishstix is giving wise advice. I wish I said that. The people you have meet on this thread love you alot, they do care about you and I am sure that they are praying for you, I am. As difficult as this may be God made you the way you are so that you could help someone, a witness to His never ending power of LOVE.

fishstix · May 2, 2004

Oh, and in addition to that online bible, here's an online church that has small groups that meet by email and broadcasts their weekly services online

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