Sleeping in same room?

[HobnobLover]

Hello there,
Me and my girlfriend are at different universities(bout 200 miles away), living in halls. When we visit each other for the weekend we obviously need to sleep somewhere...here's the question: What do you guys think about sleeping in the same room? Obviously it'll be me on the floor, her on the bed, but do you have any opinions/scripture about it all? Good idea/bad idea?

My normal view is that I'd try to sleep on the floor in a friend's room, but that's not always possible like when he's not around or whatever. So if there was no other option than staying in the same room, should we just agree to see each other a more convenient time, or just do it anyway?

 

[EmSchmem]

it may not be a great idea if you have your own room. Do you have any female friends on campus where she could stay? Or can you plan ahead so that you know for a fact that you can use another room. This is better than actually sleeping in the same bed together but with a little creativity it sounds like you could come up with a better solution.

 

[HobnobLover]

Yeah thanks, that's pretty much what I was thinking, just fishing about for more opinions on why/why not... It's so easy to say "it might not be such a bad idea" when you've not got any decent reasons stopping you...get me?

 

[EmSchmem]

Well it deopends on how much you're willing to risk. You don't want to put yourself into a position where it would be SO easy to just climb into bed together and then let that lead to other things. Also as I have said before, you want to protect her reputation. If you love her, you will also want to do everything you can to make sure that others see her as pure. How angry would you be if guys on your floor started making crass comments about your gf and what they assume happened the night before. It's best to just avoid that all together.

 

[tynessxoxo]

okay i understand this dilema. It really depends on you two , i mean how is your relationshiop? could you really trust yourself and her? Are you committed to not having sex or having boudaries? I mean my boyfreind and i sleep in the same bed 2gether somtimes and there is nothing there at all, we are really committed to saving sex and not doing anything more than kiss. But we have also been together a while and r totaly comfortable w/e/o, so we know our boudaries. i think it really depends on you two.

 

[Lbiagm]

you must trust yourself and her.

 

[skinnybrad]

just also remember you are Christians and you are surrounded by other people who arent and they could see this happening and even though nothing happened (presuming it doesnt) people will still talk about it and you know the truth but Satan will use peoples gossip to bring you down and make it look like your not living a Godly life.

 

[eyeliv4God]

I say this is where the bundling should come in. LOL, just kidding.

 

[invisiblebabe]

*shrug* I see nothing wrong with it, myself... given, of course, that the school does not have rules against such things.

People are always going to talk, no matter what. If it isn't about the room thing, it'll be about what kind of family you come from, how you were absent from Bible study for two weeks in a row and oh no, you must be falling away... or something of the sort. It's in our nature to gossip and assume the worst... that is part of the sinful condition and will not change. It is not our duty to let our decisions revolve around what others might think. We are accountable before God, not before others (and accountability partners ARE a good thing to have... so don't get the wrong idea here. I am merely trying to get the point across that in the end it is God we have to answer to, not other people).

If people know you are waiting to have sex until marriage... and if you make it clear that nothing is going on... there comes a point where people will have to trust you. Even if two people are dating, secular culture assumes they are sleeping together, on no basis other than saying, "I have a boyfriend." So, are we not to get into relationships because of this?

If you are tempted to compromise your purity by being alone in the same room with your SO.... then by all means do not get into that situation! However, what is tempting for some people is not tempting in the least for others.

And on another note, generally almost all people in the dorm itself do not really care who is coming and going out of the dorms and when. College kids are too busy with their own lives, their own friends, tons of studying, and whatnot. I honestly have no idea who is staying where on my floor.... and it was like that at both my ex university (a small prestigious private school) and my current university (a larger public university).

 

[StephanieD]

My bf and I live in different parts of the state. When I've visited him, he has arranged for me to stay with any other girls he knows or I've stayed in a youth hostel. I prefer it that way. It prevents anything from becoming complicated, prevents questions from others and helps make sure that you aren't tempted in any way.

 

[progressivegal]

I don't see anything wrong with it at all, it's just practical. Do you have a living area? If so, maybe if you're really uncomfortable you could sleep on the couch, but otherwise I wouldn't worry about it, you guys aren't even touching eachother while you sleep!

 

[Glorianna]

I don't think it's a big deal as long as you're both VERY careful. If you think you might do something that you'd regret, then definitely don't do it.

 

[lingjanet]

if she don't and your don't then it will be ok. just remember no LUST and SIN then it will fine.

 

[superfly]

what does the bible say? okay, maybe it's not 100% clear on this, but it does talk about avoiding temptation. i don't like people's opinions. they are fallible. i prefer to see what i can find in the bible. and the bible *always* has something to say about everything.

what i would suggest is what a number of other people have suggested, and that is getting her to sleep with one of your female friends. that's a way to avoid temptations.

you can also ask yourself, "what would Jesus do?"
i reckon He would probably try to avoid it if at all possible.

 

[HobnobLover]

Hi thanks everyone for the opinions - I will just say that I'm as certain as I can be that there'll be no temptation for us to sleep together, we're both strong on that point and I don't think it would be an issue. (okay okay, I know pride comes before a fall, but I'm saying that because we do have pretty strict boundaries about everything 'physical') When I first posted the question, I was more concerned about how it would look to other people. Usally I tend not to notice whether things would look bad or not, but she tends notice *everything* that people could possibly pick up on, even when it's not much of an issue really. Which is great, I love her for it, but I guess it sometimes needs tempering to get a happy medium. So that's why I was just checking what you guys thought about it all, it's great to get a different perspective from people. I do very much agree with the poster that said if I really care for her then I'll make sure no-one thinks badly of her, that's always been my aim and I suppose that's why I'm even bringing up the question. But I can also see the point of the other poster who said most peope in halls don't notice who's where most of the time anyway, and they probably wouldn't care. And in any case they do know I'm a Christian and against sex before marriage etc which is definitely in my favour. Is that just a british thing that they probably wouldn't care?
Either way, just so you know, I do usually have a room I can stay in when she wants to come up, and it's only very occasionally that it's not available to me, so most of the time this isn't an issue, but just in the event that I can't get somewhere else, that's why I was asking.
Thanks again for all the replies so far, they've been really great!

 

[California Dreamin']

I spend weekends at my boyfriend's house and we sleep in the same bed and we have never had anything sexual come out of it... I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in the same room if there will be no temptation. We just have so much respect and willpower that nothing happens. He also has high blood pressure so that is also another factor we have in consideration.

 

[Hooch]

You aren't fooling anyone you know-- you may be fooling yourself- but everyone else know what goes on when you stay in the same room.

More importantly- the Lord knows. So be true to yourself and to the Lord.

 

[Im_A]

*shrug* I see nothing wrong with it, myself... given, of course, that the school does not have rules against such things.

People are always going to talk, no matter what. If it isn't about the room thing, it'll be about what kind of family you come from, how you were absent from Bible study for two weeks in a row and oh no, you must be falling away... or something of the sort. It's in our nature to gossip and assume the worst... that is part of the sinful condition and will not change. It is not our duty to let our decisions revolve around what others might think. We are accountable before God, not before others (and accountability partners ARE a good thing to have... so don't get the wrong idea here. I am merely trying to get the point across that in the end it is God we have to answer to, not other people).

If people know you are waiting to have sex until marriage... and if you make it clear that nothing is going on... there comes a point where people will have to trust you. Even if two people are dating, secular culture assumes they are sleeping together, on no basis other than saying, "I have a boyfriend." So, are we not to get into relationships because of this?

If you are tempted to compromise your purity by being alone in the same room with your SO.... then by all means do not get into that situation! However, what is tempting for some people is not tempting in the least for others.

And on another note, generally almost all people in the dorm itself do not really care who is coming and going out of the dorms and when. College kids are too busy with their own lives, their own friends, tons of studying, and whatnot. I honestly have no idea who is staying where on my floor.... and it was like that at both my ex university (a small prestigious private school) and my current university (a larger public university).

i agree with this. as Paul says, "Do not burden your brother with your freedom." i have had friends that are girls that i've spent nights with. one was with her when her uncle died and i spent 3 nights at her place while her family was gone getting everything in order for the funeral. the other time with her was when we went to the Rolex (she's big into horses) and we got a hotel together. i even lived with a girl once for a month. now grant it, with that situation, i don't see the sin in the fact that i was living with her, but she was going through a divorce. enough said there, about a stupid desicion i made awhile ago.

if anything at all, i could say is, if your going to spend the night with someone your in a relationship you better be sure that your feelings are really true. as Paul says, if a man and woman cannot refrain from physical desires/lust they should be married to remain pure to God. dont' put yourself into a situation to where physical desires are going to come up,a nd you have to make a choice if you aren't sure you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone because of your career hopes, or your issues with love and relationships. i would rather put myself into a situation with a girl i love and hope to spend the rest of my life, and we end up making love before marriage and we seek marriage and seek forgiveness God together and repent together, and make our way of being together forever, than just sleeping in the same room with someone because i can or because it would be sweet and romantic. so again all i can say is, if your going to sleep in the same room or the same bed with a significant other, meaning more than friends, i would hope your heart is truly wanting him/her, because if something does happen, i would hope your hearts are right in the relationship to not let sin ruin things.