Sister of Groom - Don't Want to Attend Bachelorette Party

[GodsChild77]

My brother is getting married next month and we've been busy every weekend for the last month visiting with family/celebrating his engagement, going to showers/helping with showers. I have a one-hour commute to and from work every day. I've been tired lately and am trying to take it easy and not spread myself too thin. I am going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, being that I'm the sister.

Here's the thing though: I've been invited to attend the bachelorette party. It is next weekend.... but it is going to be 2 states away and will take up all of Friday-Monday. Here are the reasons I'm not wanting to attend:

1) I don't know my soon-to-be-sister-in-law very well and know none of the others who will be going, so being there doesn't interest me much.
2) I can't afford to be putting any more miles on my own car and don't feel comfortable driving that far by myself, so I'll definitely be stuck there the whole time.
3) I don't feel ready for swimsuit season.
4) I have too much to do on the weekends to catch up from an exhausting work week... and more to do now that I've put stuff off the last month of weekends.
5) I'm sure most of it will be paid for but I'm really penny pinching right now and don't need to be spending money on vacationing.
6) I find the idea of attending a lingerie shower for my brother's soon to be wife kind of awkward and ew... I get the heebie jeebies. (It would be different if it was for a sister... that's like going to a close girlfriend's lingerie shower)

Am I being totally selfish? Do I need to go to this even though I really don't want to, since I'm the groom's sister? Nothing about going interests me or seems ideal. Maybe if it didn't take up so many days and wouldn't be so far away it wouldn't be as big of a deal as far as not having time. I want to support my brother and show I care but I really don't want to go and am afraid that if I did, I would be miserable the whole time and thinking about how tired I was going to be and how much would be waiting at home for me to do.

In your opinion, would it be tacky for me to tell my future sister-in-law that I won't be able to attend the bachelorette party but I hope they have fun... and then give the matron of honor a gift for her to open at the lingerie shower? She's been talking about this in front of me for at least 2 months... so I can't use the excuse of already having made plans that I can't get out of. I have to RSVP by tomorrow and I've been putting this off. Please give your input.

 

[Socktastic]

I would politely decline. You're still sending a gift but just explain that you'd feel awkward, money is tight and you hope they enjoy themselves. I don't believe it's tacky, just honest.

 

[Verve]

I would politely decline. You're still sending a gift but just explain that you'd feel awkward, money is tight and you hope they enjoy themselves. I don't believe it's tacky, just honest.

I agree! It's just awkward doing the bachelorette party stuff. I think anyone can empathize with not wanting to have to think about their sibling playing naked twister with someone they hardly know. Comments can get pretty lewd at Bachelorette parties from my experience.

If my future SIL was around I wouldn't have invited her to be part of that portion of wedding celebration. Even if I would have asked her to be a bridesmaid. Because it's too awkward.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Am I being totally selfish? Do I need to go to this even though I really don't want to, since I'm the groom's sister? Nothing about going interests me or seems ideal. Maybe if it didn't take up so many days and wouldn't be so far away it wouldn't be as big of a deal as far as not having time. I want to support my brother and show I care but I really don't want to go and am afraid that if I did, I would be miserable the whole time and thinking about how tired I was going to be and how much would be waiting at home for me to do.

In your opinion, would it be tacky for me to tell my future sister-in-law that I won't be able to attend the bachelorette party but I hope they have fun... and then give the matron of honor a gift for her to open at the lingerie shower? She's been talking about this in front of me for at least 2 months... so I can't use the excuse of already having made plans that I can't get out of. I have to RSVP by tomorrow and I've been putting this off. Please give your input.

Like Sock and thankful said, just politely decline. Like you said, you're still getting her a gift.

Also, you're saying how you want to support your brother and be there for him and all...seems to me you've been doing nothing but that. You sound like an awesome sis. I see nothing wrong with your not wanting to attend the party. You sound like you've been run ragged and need to rest, and if you have to the money for the trip or feel uncomfortable driving outside by yourself (I don't blame you!), then that's fine. Your SIL shouldn't have any issue with this, so I certainly hope she doesn't and completely understands.

 

[Rhye]

I think its reasonable and understandable. If it was me I would take her out to lunch and give her the gift. Also, I think people who invite certain other individuals to parties like that should understand everyones taste. Yes, its her party and she can do what she likes, but she should also to open to understanding your situation...especially because you are the closest in the family.

 

[Blank123]

completely understandable. just be honest with her.

 

[GodsChild77]

Thanks everyone. So how much do I say? I have a tendency of over explaining myself sometimes if I don't watch it and I say more than I need to.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Meh, Jesus wasn't big on announcing his travel plans. No call no show couldn't be the end of the world right?

No, not the end of the world. But certainly the end of her relationship with her future SIL.

 

[Blank123]

Just tell her that you cannot afford to come and that you need a rest.

 

[manillabar]

I like the idea of going to lunch with her, or in some way giving the gift to her in person if you can, and if not, just call her on the phone and speak with her. I think she should understand.... I know brides can get a little spazzy sometimes with wanting everyone to be in on their wedding activities and stuff, but she'll be ok. if you speak to her and give her a gift and show that you are still thinking of her, I think you'll be fine. I don't think you have to say too much... just express that you're sorry you can't make it and be honest as to why not, and then try to take it easy if you can

 

[wannaberocker]

6) I find the idea of attending a lingerie shower for my brother's soon to be wife kind of awkward and ew... I get the heebie jeebies. (It would be different if it was for a sister... that's like going to a close girlfriend's lingerie shower)

.

What the crap is up with people these days.

This whole idea of bachelor and bachelorette parties is kinda disturbing to me.

 

[jess9450]

What the crap is up with people these days.

This whole idea of bachelor and bachelorette parties is kinda disturbing to me.

When my sister got married, we all went to an amusement park for her bachelorette party. Not all have to be about lingerie and naughty stuff...not that there's anything wrong with that

 

[wannaberocker]

When my sister got married, we all went to an amusement park for her bachelorette party. Not all have to be about lingerie and naughty stuff...not that there's anything wrong with that

Well iv never been to a bachelorette party, so i have no idea what a lingerie party is all about.



But i know that bachelor parties for men have become synonymous with strippers and all that sort of stuff. It really is sort of scummy and i have no respect for men who partake in such trashy parties.

 

[anewday]

Ok, first of all, this is an OLD THREAD. Second, bachelorette parties involve some pretty top secret stuff, including the ceremonious pillow fight. Whoever wins gets the groom. Period. And its ok ladies, what happens in pillow fight club stays in pillow fight club . I already said too much. If anybody mentions lingerie, swim parties, a dinner party, etc., they are lying to you, but us women who have been to "bachelorette parties" know what they mean. This is serious stuff people.