Single at 32 and feeling dread

Sir Robbins said:

I think the more appropriate term is "baggage that's acceptable"... I have literally and I kid you not, had women tell me they would not date a virgin guy who is 30 years or older. It's awkward and makes them suspicious. These are church girls.....

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DarkSoul999 said:

Well I have no interest in women like that. They are not the marrying type.

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DarkSoul999 said:

So perhaps I'm not exactly "old" and it isn't overly unusual for people to still be single at this age. Some people are just holding out for "the one" and refusing to settle.

Thing is....I've never had a relationship that lasted more than 2 months. I had severe psychiatric issues from the age of 7-25 and only started dating at 29 after I managed to land a full time job and a place as a "normal" member of society. For most of my life I was treated like a leper because of the extreme stigma surrounding mental illness. I don't really blame them for this because my personality was utterly exhausting during those years. I was really hard to tolerate.

It is fairly unlikely that I will relapse into depression over this because I'm a health fanatic. My neurotransmitters are working just fine. However, I still have this overwhelming sense of dread that I will be rejected by woman as soon as they find out about my past. So lately I have been acting fake and put on airs around women in the hope that they will never sense the pain and scars that I harbor inside. This doesn't work because they can see right through it.

It is not easy to spend an entire lifetime knowing NOTHING but pure agony and inner Hell and then trying to somehow relate to people who have not experienced this. I just wish for once that woman would stop asking me questions about my past on the first date!!! If I come clean and tell them they look at me like I'm the most disgusting piece of garbage they have ever seen. I've seen woman recoil at me like I'm literally made out of dog ****. Even devout Christian women seem to think that I'm God's mistake. Even my own parents tell me to keep it all a permanent secret! So if I somehow find someone willing to be my wife then I can't trust her with my past...well that's reassuring...

Thing is, I CAN'T change the past. I can take action to prevent the past from repeating again but they really don't care. They are like an insurance company which sees me as a liability. A giant red flag! Every good thing I've done in life is now tainted and worthless!

There is also another element to this. They get to choose from millions of successful thirty somethings who have gone from victory to victory and have zero baggage. I'm not entirely sure why they should choose a guy like me who is just barely starting to get things together.

If I had survived cancer I'd be treated like a hero! Sometimes I ask God "why didn't you give me cancer instead?!" At least there wouldn't be this overwhelming stigma.

It's getting to the point where I might need to only date women who barely speak English....but then once they learn English they will ask the question and I'll be forced to either lie (and drive them away) or tell the truth (and drive them away).

What do I do now? It will take a divine miracle to somehow "catch up" to normal men who have more to offer. Only incredible success will prove that I'm not a dud...

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Sir Robbins said:

I think the more appropriate term is "baggage that's acceptable"... I have literally and I kid you not, had women tell me they would not date a virgin guy who is 30 years or older. It's awkward and makes them suspicious. These are church girls.....

Click to expand...