Silly little things I've learned along the way....

[TrustAndObey]

In my 32...err...39 years of life, I have learned some really hard lessons and some oh-so-funny ones too.

Here's a few of my personal favorites, and I hope you guys will add on!

1. NEVER walk in front of a fan with a paper plate full of potato chips.

2. If you tell your children not to repeat something, you might as well hand them a microphone.

3. Never label a videotape "private". (HAHA..I didn't have to learn that one myself, I learned it from a friend of mine)

4. To the females...on the days you just want to make a "quick trip" to the grocery store with sweats on, no make-up, and a pony-tail--be advised that it's as good as advertising for an impromptu class reunion. You WILL see people you haven't seen in years.

5. Steer INTO the skid, people. Steer INTO it.

 

[TrustAndObey]

Oh, here's another one:

If you've saved something that came out of your body after a surgery, or you "passed" during a long night, others are NOT going to be as interested in it as you are.

MUSEUMS, people.

 

[TrustAndObey]

Somebody stop me...I keep thinking of things.

7. Before you throw a shirt into the dryer to fluff it, make sure you know where your cat is. (Catlover is going to give me the smackdown).

8. Never reverse the direction of your ceiling fan when you have a house full of people.

 

[happywiththelord]

those are hillarious T&O!! #4 is soooo true!!! Wont tell ya how i found that out! haha!

if i can think of any, i will join in!!

 

[TrustAndObey]

LOL Happy, it never fails that if I run to the grocery store looking like death warmed over that I run into people I haven't seen in years! NEVER FAILS!

Here's another one:

9. If your electricity goes off, you can't use the remote to open your garage door. You can't turn on a light to make sure you aren't going to trip over anything as you're heading to the emergency release switch either. HAHA

 

[NightEternal]

Something I have learned along the way?

Kids are capable of some pretty gross things.

We were at a McDonalds the other day and I went into the restroom to wash my hands. In comes this little guy about 5 years old clutching a cheeseburger. He walks right over to the urinal yanking down his pants with one hand as the other plops his burger down.....

right on top of the grimy, stained urinal. And no, there was no wrapper on the thing.



Speechless and my stomach lurching, I watch in the mirror as he yanks his pants up, grabs his burger, takes a big hearty bite and walks out the door.

Yeah. I know.

My wife and our friends couldn't understand why I came out of there four shades of green, but I thought I would pass on filling them in while they were still eating.

 

[TrustAndObey]

HAHA! Kids don't believe in germs because they can't see them.

You reminded me of another one!

11. If you ever have to take one of your children into a bathroom stall with you, be prepared to have your own words haunt you. "Good job mom! You went A LOT! Be sure to wipe! What's that smell?"

 

[TrustAndObey]

LOL Night, thanks for adding the visual aids!

12. Llamas are somehow related to the beast power. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that they are pawns of satan.

 

[thecountrydoc]

CLICK THE LINK!!!

http://www.my-tgif.com/catsremember.htm


IF YOUR SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER YOU KNOW THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BAPTIZE A CAT

 

[RedNoma]

The weatherman is never right.

<---- Avid bike rider.

Never weld with Mechanics gloves.

<---- Autobody repairman.

 

[TrustAndObey]

LOL RedNoma, WELCOME!!!

 

[TrustAndObey]

Okay Night, here's my "one up" on your kid with the hamburger at the urinal story (you'll thank me later that I DON'T supply visual aids).

I went to Burger King tonight before Sabbath hit because I was craving onion rings. I ordered 3 large waters for me and the boys.

The woman that took my order was really busy and she had big sweat stains on her shirt under both of her armpits.

When she was filling up the first water....ready for this....she stuck the other two cups UNDER HER ARM to hold them.

I politely took the onion rings and told her to keep the waters.

 

[NightEternal]

 

[NightEternal]

(you'll thank me later that I DON'T supply visual aids).

Ah, what the heck...

 

[TrustAndObey]

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

 

[TrustAndObey]

Here's one I learned just this morning:

Before you become a juggler, balancing weedeater string, two bottles of water, your purse, your keys, and your mail from yesterday: Make sure you unbuckle your seatbelt and get your arm under the strap FIRST.

 

[DRL]

Expect the unexpected from your kids. My son was about 12 years of age when this happened. Some background first. I have driven a stick shift since I learned how to drive and when 5 speeds came along I got one. I was driving into town talking with my son about who knows what, when all of a sudden he says, "Mom, you have told me how babies are born. You have never told me how the egg and the sperm get together. How do the egg and the sperm get together?" I nearly stripped a gear on that. I did not answer right away. I told him I was thinking about how to answer him so I would give him what was wanted. It was also to quiet myself. Eventually I told him and he was satisfied. He has done things like that a couple of times. WOW!! What a kid.
DRL

 

[Byfaithalone1]

Can I add to your list?

(1) The car only breaks down when you are by yourself and without a cell phone; it purs like a kitten when visiting Mr. Repairman;

(2) Toddlers view VCRs as nothing more than expensive storage units;

(3) Relating to #3, video tapes will not play in a VCR full of mashed potatoes;

(4) We may not believe in Santa Clause, but we do believe that "being nice" (especially in the weeks leading up to our annual preformance evaluation) will lead to unexpected treasures from our bosses;

(5) Turn signals have a different meaning than most of us think; they are really just a request for the car next to you to speed up so that there is no possible way that you can merge in front of him;

(6) Every toddler crisis begins while you're on the phone (usually at a volume level that would rival any good rock concert);

(7) Christianity is not meant for the faith of heart; especially when trying to get a family of four dressed, out the door and on their way to church prior to 9 a.m.; and

(8) Thunder was designed for the express purpose of snuggling under the covers with your kids.

BFA

 

[Sophia7]

(6) Every toddler crisis begins while you're on the phone (usually at a volume level that would rival any good rock concert);

(7) Christianity is not meant for the faith of heart; especially when trying to get a family of four dressed, out the door and on their way to church prior to 9 a.m.; and

(8) Thunder was designed for the express purpose of snuggling under the covers with your kids.

BFA

I can definitely relate to these.

 

[TrustAndObey]

Expect the unexpected from your kids. My son was about 12 years of age when this happened. Some background first. I have driven a stick shift since I learned how to drive and when 5 speeds came along I got one. I was driving into town talking with my son about who knows what, when all of a sudden he says, "Mom, you have told me how babies are born. You have never told me how the egg and the sperm get together. How do the egg and the sperm get together?" I nearly stripped a gear on that. I did not answer right away. I told him I was thinking about how to answer him so I would give him what was wanted. It was also to quiet myself. Eventually I told him and he was satisfied. He has done things like that a couple of times. WOW!! What a kid.
DRL

HAHA, yeah, they eventually want to know how the two "meet".

I told my son the birds and the bees when he was about 10. I went through the whole spiel and had told him at the beginning that there are some girls that don't wait until marriage, but I hoped that he would find one that did (and that he would wait as well of course).

Anyway, I got through all of it and at the very end I asked him if he had any questions, and he said, "yeah, how do I find those girls?"