Silly exercises, and life's unwritten rules

[LovebirdsFlying]

This morning as we got ready for the day, Hubby and I were talking about stupid classes we've been required to take as part of our jobs, him driving a bus and me as a nursing aide. Well, the stupidest one I ever had to participate in, the nurse leading the class handed out mundane items like paper clips and rubber bands, and we were supposed to mill around negotiating trades with each other. "I'll trade you so many paper clips for so many rubber bands." That kind of thing. At the end of it, we were told that figuratively the paper clips were worth X and the rubber bands were worth less than X, and if you managed to acquire so many paper clips, then you had succeeded at the exercise. We were not told in advance what the goal was, and I wondered at the time what this silly thing was all about. My thought was, "So why didn't you tell us we were supposed to be going after paper clips?"

Well, since then, I have read something in one of those "how to be a success" motivational books about how life and society don't tell you in advance what the rules are, and you don't know until after you've been labeled a success or a failure whether you were following the right rules or not. If this is true, maybe that was the whole point of the exercise, although it was never spelled out.

What are your thoughts? Are life's rules spelled out in advance, or are we not told until afterward whether we succeeded or failed?

 

[Paradoxum]

Are there any rules? Society generally considers various things to be 'success' (that we all know about), but you can decide to do what you want with your life.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

That's a valid point. I was just forming the thought, we can't even say, "Well, life does come with an instruction book. It's called the Bible." The reason we can't reduce it to that is, twenty people can be doing twenty different things, and every one of them think they're living by the Bible while the other nineteen aren't.

The thing I found most irritating about the exercise is that nobody said beforehand that the paper clips would be worth more points than the rubber bands, but then at the end, the ones with more paper clips were said to be "successful." Well, if we had known we were supposed to be going after paper clips, we'd have changed our strategies, right? But is that life? We aren't given a clear set of rules, but at the end some of us are successful while others aren't?

 

[Paradoxum]

That's a valid point. I was just forming the thought, we can't even say, "Well, life does come with an instruction book. It's called the Bible." The reason we can't reduce it to that is, twenty people can be doing twenty different things, and every one of them think they're living by the Bible while the other nineteen aren't.

True.

The thing I found most irritating about the exercise is that nobody said beforehand that the paper clips would be worth more points than the rubber bands, but then at the end, the ones with more paper clips were said to be "successful." Well, if we had known we were supposed to be going after paper clips, we'd have changed our strategies, right? But is that life? We aren't given a clear set of rules, but at the end some of us are successful while others aren't?

I don't think so. If you like rubber bands, and enjoy collecting rubber bands over paper clips, who's to tell you who weren't successful?

I don't believe in God, so my opinion might be different to yours. I can see why it might be more of a problem for you. But, as long as you try to be a moral person, and love others, you must be aiming at least somewhat in the right direction, I'd think.

I agree that it can be hard to know how to live though.

 

[FireDragon76]

That's a valid point. I was just forming the thought, we can't even say, "Well, life does come with an instruction book. It's called the Bible." The reason we can't reduce it to that is, twenty people can be doing twenty different things, and every one of them think they're living by the Bible while the other nineteen aren't.

A tree is known by its fruits? That's biblical, and not hard to understand. Why does it confuse so many people? Perhaps many people are afraid of trusting their own experiences and taking responsibility for their lives, so they fall back on dogmatic religion or ideology instead of going with their instincts.

to be going after paper clips, we'd have changed our strategies, right? But is that life? We aren't given a clear set of rules, but at the end some of us are successful while others aren't?

How about a completely different perspective- life is tragedy for everyone. We all die, after all, and in that respect none of us is going to be very successful. It reminds me of Jesus' parable of the rich man and the barns he built. He was proud he was such a crafty businessman that he had so much wealth stored away in his barns. In the end God took his life and he was left with no barns at all, nothing to rejoice or be proud of, so his stinginess reaped nothing. The whole idea of being successful probably would fit under the Apostle's condemnation of the "pride of life", one of those distractions from seeking out God.

Chinese Buddhism has the "8 Worldly Concerns". Two of them are success and failure, or gain and loss. It's all culturally conditioned junk we've been brainwashed into, but utterly irrelevant to a person's spiritual state of enlightenment.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

When I mentioned twenty people doing twenty things, and each thinking they alone are following the Bible, I was referring more than anything else to doctrinal differences, particularly where to apply the words literally and where to apply them symbolically. For example, when Jesus said, "So ought ye to wash one another's feet," did He mean for a ceremonial foot-washing ritual to become a part of every communion service, as some denominations practice, or did He simply mean we should have an attitude of willingness to serve one another? It could have been just as figurative as when He told us to cut off our hands and gouge out our eyes rather than let those body parts lead us to sin. I often wonder how many literalists are going around missing one eye because they obeyed His command after looking at something they shouldn't have looked at. (Hint: probably not very many, which leads me to wonder exactly how they decide what's literal and what's symbolic.)

I suppose, if the Lord were ever at any point to make a causal request of one of His followers to please shut the door, a few people might get the idea that all doors everywhere are to be kept shut at all times, because He said so, and therefore leaving one hanging open is a sin. That's the kind of thing, I think, that leads to doctrinal difference. It's a matter of interpreting the meaning of the words.

In life, some things matter more than others, but we might be misguided about what matters most. I think a lot of people are familiar with the general idea that nobody ever wishes on their death bed that they'd spent more time at work. But what I think galls me the most is the general idea about not knowing what the steps are supposed to be until the dance has ended, and somebody is critiquing you on whether you danced properly or not. Well, gee, if you'd told me in the beginning to zig here and zag there, I would have done it that way, but you didn't, and now you're telling me I failed the dance? Why didn't you just tell me up front what you wanted me to do? What do you mean, it should have been common sense, and you shouldn't have had to tell me?

But this is not about salvation at all, and less about morality, but more about social skills. Which I've just now figured out.

 

[Standing_Ultraviolet]

The whole "life has unwritten rules that you don't know until the end" part sounds kind of like an oddly meaningless truism. I'm not even really able to figure out what it's going for. I have a little bit of an existentialist streak, but I hold to the view that we write a lot of our own rules in life, at least so far as what we need to accomplish to be successful is concerned. With that in mind, the steps to reach what you want to accomplish are knowable in advance, unless your goal is impossible (ex., flying by flapping your arms like a bird) or extremely complicate (ex., translating the Voynich Manuscript).

 

[znr]

Call me dumb, but what the flipping dog poop does this exercise have to do with nursing?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Call me dumb, but what the flipping dog poop does this exercise have to do with nursing?

That's what I never could figure out.

 

[znr]

That's what I never could figure out.

Reminds me of a quote I heard, "bureaucracy is the process of converting energy into solid waste".

Sometimes questions and exercises are a result of needing to create job security. I used to work with social workers. Things just became so evident after awhile; what someone wouldn't do to create the illusion of worth.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Reminds me of a quote I heard, "bureaucracy is the process of converting energy into solid waste".

Sometimes questions and exercises are a result of needing to create job security. I used to work with social workers. Things just became so evident after awhile; what someone wouldn't do to create the illusion of worth.

Oh, social workers. As an abuse survivor with mental health issues, I've had a few assigned to me in my day. My favorite thing they do (boy, do I wish right now we had a "rolling eyes" smiley) is when they give me some type of information and then immediately say, "Here, let me write that down for you, in case you forget." Because not only am I too incompetent to remember what they told me, but I can't even write it down for myself. They figure if I'm coming out of a DV marriage, and I'm on food stamps and living in subsidized housing, I must be ignorant too, because everybody in that situation is, right? Or they're making it out like they're more important than they are, and I need them more than I do. (This is no longer my life, thank God.)

Everybody in the nursing field is required to do so many hours of "in-service" time in which they are paid their hourly rate while taking some class or hearing a lecture. How much in-service is required may vary according to state. I don't know. Supposedly what they learn makes them more effective on the job, which I could understand if the in-service classes actually had something to do with nursing. Or even if it was an important life lesson, I could understand, because that can be applied to any field. A safety reminder, such as how to lift properly, would make sense for nursing aides.

But that thing with the rubber bands and paper clips... there was a third mundane office supply involved too, but I can't remember what... I just don't see the life lesson in that.

By the way, there was a second part I snipped for space, but now I think it could be significant. After the announcement was made, that the one with the most paper clips had succeeded, we were again told to mill around negotiating trades. I suppose one can hardly be blamed for now trying for paper clips, but then when the exercise ended the second time, the nurse had us count up our little office supply bits, then said, "OK, this time it was the rubber bands that were worth more points." And the ones with the most rubber bands "won" the game.

Whaaaa.... .....aaaat?

The only point I can see to this exercise is to teach the lesson: Not only do you not know the rules of the game until the game has ended, but the rules are subject to change at whim. You can be winning one minute and losing the next, without changing a thing.

 

[quatona]

The only point I can see to this exercise is to teach the lesson: Not only do you not know the rules of the game until the game has ended, but the rules are subject to change at whim. You can be winning one minute and losing the next, without changing a thing.

Maybe you are missing the actual message of the exercise because you are so focussed on the idea that the lesson must be about rules. Maybe it was meant to be about something completely different?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Maybe you are missing the actual message of the exercise because you are so focussed on the idea that the lesson must be about rules. Maybe it was meant to be about something completely different?

Oh, I'm open to that possibility. Do you have any ideas? Because I don't.

 

[quatona]

Oh, I'm open to that possibility. Do you have any ideas? Because I don't.

There are plenty of options once you let go off the idea that it must be about rules. Tbh, I can´t think of many options that would render the exercise particularly well chosen (or for which there wouldn´t be better exercises), though.

But - the most obvious one, to tell from this conversation:
Oftentimes we are assuming (without thinking much about it) what something is about, and behave accordingly. Once we learn that this assumption wasn´t warranted (even though we may still don´t know what this something is about, or even though it may turn out that it is about nothing at all), our behaviour turns out to be absurd.
IOW, oftentimes it´s not rules or information that prompt our behaviour but merely our own assumptions.


Another - but slightly different - option:
From the information given the game made no sense at all - without knowing the value of objects there isn´t any point in trading them (unless you completely step out of the frame of reference of it being an exercise, and trade according to your own value system; e.g. if you are short of paper clips in real life you will try to get as many paper clips as possible).
So the lesson could have been: Even though I have no clue what I am doing, I am not asking, I am not questioning, I am not refusing.
IOW, even though the lesson was about rules, it wasn´t a metaphore for life or society. It was just meant to demonstrate to you that you can be made to play without making sure what the rules are.

Of course, I could make more educated guesses if I knew the context in which this exercise was made.

Currently, I am having a formal education as a systemic coach. Yesterday we made this exercise: full body scissors/stone/paper. (What the...? This isn´t kindergarten or something.) The sole point of the exercise was to revive us from our post-lunch coma.

 

[contango]

This morning as we got ready for the day, hubby and I were talking about stupid classes we've been required to take as part of our jobs, him driving a bus and me as a nursing aide. Well, the stupidest one I ever had to participate in, the nurse leading the class handed out mundane items like paper clips and rubber bands, and we were supposed to mill around negotiating trades with each other. "I'll trade you so many paper clips for so many rubber bands." That kind of thing. At the end of it, we were told that figuratively the paper clips were worth X and the rubber bands were worth less than X, and if you managed to acquire so many paper clips, then you had succeeded at the exercise. We were not told in advance what the goal was, and I wondered at the time what this silly thing was all about. My thought was, "So why didn't you tell us we were supposed to be going after paper clips?"

Well, since then, I have read something in one of those "how to be a success" motivational books about how life and society don't tell you in advance what the rules are, and you don't know until after you've been labeled a success or a failure whether you were following the right rules or not. If this is true, maybe that was the whole point of the exercise, although it was never spelled out.

What are your thoughts? Are life's rules spelled out in advance, or are we not told until afterward whether we succeeded or failed?

You get to decide for yourself what counts as "success" and "failure" and seek out your own goals. If you let other people decide then you'll always be disappointed because there will always be someone out there who brands you a "failure".

I often think back to comparing my life with a good friend's life back when we were in our late 20s. I had a good career and made more in a week than he did in a month. He had a full and active social life whereas my life was pretty much working and sleeping with a bit of social activity at weekends. Measured in financial terms I was more successful - he often talked of things that might be nice to do "if you had the money" when describing things I could have bought without a second thought. In social terms he was more successful - I had a small circle of friends I saw sporadically while he had a large circle of good friends he saw regularly. So measured one way I "succeeded" and he "failed", measured another way the roles reversed. But both of us were happy with our lives - both of us had made our own decisions what to pursue.

The only time you have to worry about external standards is when you decide to pursue an external standard. So if you want to be a brain surgeon you have to measure up to an external standard before they let you cut peoples' heads open but if you want to play the violin for fun you can practise whatever aspects of playing the violin you enjoy, and "success" can be defined however you want to define it.

 

[FireDragon76]

For example, when Jesus said, "So ought ye to wash one another's feet," did He mean for a ceremonial foot-washing ritual to become a part of every communion service, as some denominations practice, or did He simply mean we should have an attitude of willingness to serve one another?

The advantage of sacramentalism is that we can understand Jesus actions in both ways, since sacramental acts are mystical signs.

Foot-washing isn't just about service to one another- what Jesus did in some ways was shameful or scandalous by the standards of Mediterranean culture, which is why Peter objected. So it's really about humility.

 

[Gottservant]

Most of man's problems, arise from a misconception of his ends for his needs. (selah)

 

[KCfromNC]

Of course, I could make more educated guesses if I knew the context in which this exercise was made.

It is also a prime opportunity to mess with people who get too caught up in arbitrary externally-imposed systems of ranking and worth. You know, the kind of people who want to win even though it takes a ton of effort and provides no actual reward other than being able to say that they won. You can really screw around with those hyper-competitive types if you ignore the game rules and focus on acting in ways which raise their blood pressure.

Every system is an opportunity for subversion. If the game has no reward that you care about, time to make up something to entertain yourself and others.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Well, the context was a nursing in-service class.... beats me what trading rubber bands for paper clips has to do with that.