Silently screaming...

[~Wisdom Seeker~]

Forgive me. When I'm going through a deap depression, it sometimes becomes more than I can silently bare alone. I've read your replies and I thank you for them. But I've removed these pain filled words at this point in time, to protect myself from the negativity they create.

I'm myself again by the way.

May God bless all the compassionate souls out there who when I reached out, took my hand. Thank you.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Depression is a monster. But you can fight it. I'm on medication. If I had understood the difference it would make for me I would have done this fifteen years ago. But it was only recently I came to understand that I was depressed at all.
I like the image of depression being a wet blanket on top of you. Bleh.

It is a lie. Feelings are often deceptive. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean that your feelings reflect reality. This is where faith comes in to play. Having faith doesn't mean you feel good all the time. Faith is believing God's word that says you are loved and created for wonderful things when you feel nothing of the sort. It's getting up and thanking God for another day of living even though you lament the fact that you didn't die in your sleep.
It doesn't make the dark go away, but it makes God shine his light in you and then through you. You will begin to light up the area around you.

 

[Azna]

It's November again eh? I forgot.

 

[NJA]

Isa:8:18: Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me are for signs and for wonders . . .

I had no fulfilling purpose, no answers, just opinions . . . .then I met people that realised God does what he says, *if* we expect Him to and desire that . . .so I called on Him to infill me with His Spirit . . .a few days later I was in my room, not doubting or fearing, I spoke in tongues and the bible came alive. I knew what to think and believe and have experienced many victories since.

God has no favourites, do the same and we'll talk more !

 

[kingzjewel]

On the outside, I'm sure I look fine. Not to myself of course. I can see the pain in my eyes when I look in the mirror. But nobody else seems to notice.

Inside...I'm screaming "Somebody help me! Why can't you see my pain?! How could you not see it?"

I haven't the will to do anything. I can bearly muster up the will to keep breathing. I have this opressing weight on my chest and it will not go away. And I can not pull myself out of this. I really can not.

I don't want to live anymore. I can't see the point. It's only by shere will that I am still here. Or maybe it's because ending my life would take the energy that I do not have. So...I sit here. Willing this to go away. Pleading to God to send me a sign that there is a reason to continue. It's all grey. Everything is grey. And all I have is the weight on my chest and the pain.

im struggling with this monster myself right now. i told my husband about it and we are praying about it. im sick of being depressed. im tired of feeling alone. im really tired of every time i get a moment to think, im thinking about how inadequate i am or how much better the world would be without me. ugh. i know where you are coming from...

 

[NJA]

. . . .and I know where you are and where you can be . . Israel became a valley of dry bones (a broken spirit drieth the bones) - God's answer "hear the word of The Lord" - what word ? - the word of salvation - deliverance - I mentioned it above, onnce you have that, then you are truly "in christ", "a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

The new tongue signifies this.

You need to (a) receive the New Life, (b) life it/use it/choose it daily - that's being a disciple, a disciplined one, you must fight the good fight of faith, you must take your eyes off your feelings & physical circumstances and be taught of the Holy Spirit.

High places don't go away, but we can change, so mountains become mole-hills to us:-

Hab:3:19: The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.

Isa:55:12: For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

 

[kingzjewel]

nja, do you suffer from/ever suffered from depression?

 

[bliz]

Most people are not going to notice. Sometimes we think that if we are really having a problem other people will say something, but don't count on it. You are going to have to be your own rescue team - at least to get the healing started.

Talk therapy and medications can make a huge difference.

Do you have the ability to call a doctor and insist on an appointment for this week? I fully understand that you might not... If you don't, do you have a friend you can ask to make such a call for you?

 

[Rosa Mystica]

On the outside, I'm sure I look fine. Not to myself of course. I can see the pain in my eyes when I look in the mirror. But nobody else seems to notice.

Inside...I'm screaming "Somebody help me! Why can't you see my pain?! How could you not see it?"

I haven't the will to do anything. I can bearly muster up the will to keep breathing. I have this opressing weight on my chest and it will not go away. And I can not pull myself out of this. I really can not.

I don't want to live anymore. I can't see the point. It's only by shere will that I am still here. Or maybe it's because ending my life would take the energy that I do not have. So...I sit here. Willing this to go away. Pleading to God to send me a sign that there is a reason to continue. It's all grey. Everything is grey. And all I have is the weight on my chest and the pain.

Have been there. Am currently there. I'm dying every minute of every day these days (have been since mid-August). And yes, I am frustrated that no one seems to notice. Add working w/ the public (which is mostly composed of idiots) and you've got one stressed out young lady on your hands.

The good news? I have noticed your pain, Wisdom Seeker, and believe you to be very courageous to be able to be honest about it. I am also here if you need someone to talk to. Remember, my PM box is always open.

God Bless,
Rosa