Silencing The Children

[mamalonglegs]

I wasn't very old when my brother found a wonderful way to keep me quiet and instructed me in what became "the child" to only smile and laugh when around anyone else if "she" could not be silent.

This "child" survied only to become an S.I. individual who remained silent. I had many secrets and did not wish to see any of what was held in the dark recesses of my mind either. The pain and suffering was far too horrendous to peek at alone and much too embarassing for sharing with another. Besides, who will believe "the child"?

I wished at one time not to believe the truth either and changed in my mind how things were to make it more bearable. It was a lie that lived in the silence of self as well. The more tangled it became the greater the vengeance in the world of S.I.

Silence, Confusion, Deceit, all fed on each other inflicting greater pain on the adult that carried "the unspoken child".

This is why it is so important to learn to speak. I remember saying to a friend that I didn't know how to express myself. That everytime I tried to talk "it always came out sideways." She said, "Babble 'til it works." Scary, when all I can think of is my brother's way of convicing me to be silent. And there have been many years since then that I have practiced doing so or having that laugh and a smile. ***Reminder***** My sadistic brother is not here anymore!!!!!

Breaking the silence in a safe place is the greatest of beginnings for interrupting the S.I. cycle. It's like that first early morning mountain climb to watch the sunrise. Everything is so beautiful, colors are crystal clear, and I can breathe. Breathing is a good thing my friends.

Having a voice of my own to tell my story felt awkward at first. It went against all I was or had been harshly
trained to be by a menacing evil presence of a brother in a negligent household.

I went from being "the child" to "a piece of meat" for years and years and years. Now I was suppose to break the silence and start "babbling 'til it works?" I don't think so! It was easier to run away and find a place....

Take courage from the inside out. Who said getting better would be easy? One of the toughest things really is breaking the silence of "the child".

I am told that I have a "Big Heart". I am continually being reminded that it is okay to care about others and that there are others who love me and want to care about me. I just need to let them. This has become a most wondrous journey, almost baffling.

Loosing the tongue of "the child" who became "piece of meat" gives me the right to person hood. I can now smile because I am happy at times . I can laugh because I feel like laughing sometimes . I can even cry now once in awhile without feeling the need for punishment. I keep telling myself and others. It is okay to cry .

God puts our tears in a bottle. They must be important to Him. It is okay to cry!

Let us all work together to help all "the children" find their voices and give them the strength and courage that they need moment by moment, and day by day to reach into those dark places and release the secrets.

Let us be free with our hugs , and earnestly look after one another with our prayers .

May we find that we all have "Big Hearts" and bless each other constantly, gathering around in support and validation of each voice that we hear .

Silent Children can learn to Sing when we gather round and help them "Babble 'til it works."

Each voice sounds as unique as the songs of the stars in the sky. And when we are heard together, the music is more than wonderful. It is beyond words to describe the beauty of the rise and fall of a multitude in agree-ment that they love and are loved by others.

The need for S.I. slowly disappears into the darkness that once held all the secrets in silence.

mamalonglegs

 

[Celtic Camel]

thanks for sharing so beautifully... I can totally see myself in some of what you said... it helps to hear that it's ok to talk about the things behind my eyes... and that its ok to cry...

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Do you have any idea how profound and true this is?

 

[momgreenlady]

It is so hard to speak the hurts from the inside. It feels like it is wrong to do that and that is what holds so many of us back. We all have our "brothers" that brought about silence in our lives. Taking back our voices is so hard and scary but so worth it!!! Thanks for sharing that!