Shyness

[netal]

I can really relate saxman. My shyness turned into Social Anxiety a few years ago. I have found awesome support online (in different forums and such) for being shy or having SA. Talking to people online has actually helped me a bit to learn how to interact better I wish I could give you some advice that would make it better- but we are all different, and different things work for different people.

 

[rockwell]

If you are worried about getting a girlfriend and or a wife one day DONT. God will bring her to your life and vice versa when the time is right. You will then realise that your shyness is not an issue anymore because it's from God and He makes no mistakes
So pray and push yourself harder each day to overcome your shyness.

 

[crimson_clown]

I am the same way. It has been hard for me because I moved with my family to another state.. Florida. I haven't really talked to many people my own age in the 2 1/2 years I have been here and I don't have any friends here.

 

[In need of god]

Oh ya also take note that there are actually alot more women in this world then there are men. I live in atlanta and the ratio of women to men is 12 to 1. You might actually find yourself being hit on by women out there later on or being flirted with. So dont worry to much about it .

 

[Lexi]

I am like that too! I am outgoing, funny, and just all around a fun person to be with when I am comfortable with a person. If I am not comfortable, I clam up and don't say anything. I kind of watch what is happening around me. To become comfortable with a person though, I have to force myself to get out and talk to people. It's hard but possible!

 

[Ginsu]

I'm shy at times and I have a difficulty with having a conversation looking someone directly in their eyes without bursting into laughter. With new people I really don't know what to say, as for group stuff, I keep my distance, but I'm a really funny guy, I usually have the whole bible study crackin up from one of my comments. I'm a loner, I don't need others company to keep me happy or to go do stuff. I stay away from females, i just feel unworthy and unwanted inside. I'm such a basket case.

 

[Periann]

I'm such a basket case.

I think we all are DP. Its just who's willing to admit it.

 

[Saxman]

Thanks for all the support. I have not been on the internet for a while as I have been on holidays.

Invisible babe, you sound exactly like me! I really like your positive attitude towards the whole shyness thing. I am good at academic group discussions and talk a lot in class, so in that situation I am not shy at all!

I have been doing a lot of thinking-and yes that is rare for a college student and worked out a few things. Basically that like invisible babe did I should play to my strengths. For example I am intelligent, quite knowleagable about a lot of diverse subjects and a good listener, so I can use my brain to listen to people and ask though-provoking questions and get a discussion going. I know that I will never be much good at small talk and idle gossip, but I am sure that most people get tired of it and at times prefer slightly deeper discussions so I could lead conversations into those areas.

One thing I am not very good at though which I need to improve is getting conversations started. I think I need to take the initiative as waiting for other people to talk to me doesn't work from past experience, but am not very good at getting a conversation started. Does anyone have any suggestions.

Oh and some excellent news/ I went to see a dermatologist and she has prescribed me something which she seems confident will completely clear my skin. I am sure that spotfree my confidence will rocket as will my attractiveness.

 

[Saxman]

In need of god, that is exactly what I am like with girls. The few times I plucked up the courage to ask a girl out they led me on since they were too afraid to say no to my face.

I suppose I must be at least average looking as whenever I go to a disco or something girls occassionally hit on me and last summer a girl at work was flirting fairly heavily with me but I did not do anything about it because I disapproved of her excessive drinking and partying. The other week a hairdresser expressed disbelief that I did not have a girlfriend and thought there were lots of girls who would want to go out with me.

The problem is that I don't meet many girls given that I am not very sociable and do not know many people and find it hard to get to know girls to the stage where it would be acceptable to ask them on a date.

I am confident that God will find me a wife at some stage but I guess I am young and would like to date girls or have girls as friends even if it wasn't very serious.

 

[cookieluvsjesus]

Hi Saxman, I was looking through forums and found yours very interesting (because I too am shy). I was wondering how you were doing with your shyness?
I have the same issues when trying to make new friends (freeze up) its like the words in my head just won't come out, or either i go completely blank. Many people think I am "snooty" or snobish because im so very quiet. Do people ever say you are snobish?
I have the same problems with the opposite sex, I guess introverts are just not at all what men are seeking. Then again, sometimes i think, maybe im better off by myself. well, anyway... your authenticity has won me over, you've got a friend here.

 

[cookieluvsjesus]

dPhekTid vbmenu_register("postmenu_2112962", true); ,

yeah, i think im your female twin.... well maybe except for the looking in someones eyes and bursting into laughter... i just briefly make eye contact then get the sudden urge to run away. Im a loner too, do think that is that unhealthy? My family says it is, but if this is how God made me, then whats wrong with it?!?

 

[Pirch80]

Well I think it isn't good to be a loner. Because if you're a loner you don't want nothing to do with anybody and then you start thinking that everybody is talking about you and then you start rejecting everybody. I know myself I used to think people were always talking about me and I would stay away from people. Also you never know when you'll meet a new friend or anything. I met my friend in high school because I met him and talked to him and his friends! And ended up they belonged to a Boy Scout Troop and we became EXCELLENT friends after that. Had I remained a loner I would probably be a lot more secluded right now and I wouldn't have my Eagle.

Also another thing you got to watch for when being a loner is thinking that everybody is going to let you down. I know a while back (with my new church) there was this guy (from the leadership) that was supposed to pick me up and he was late so I started doubting and started thinking that people would ALWAYS let me down and then I said why should I trust human beings? The only person I thought I could trust was me. Luckily I've gotten a lot better and I try not to veer away from people.

Very interesting conversation and I hope this continues. Good luck Cookie with your loner'ism LOL j/k.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

i used to be the shyest person ever!! (give me a trophy or something! shine it first please) Boy has God emerged my true self out of that though. There is hope for everyone through Jesus Christ and his Holy Spirit and his unconditional love. It's not wrong to be shy sometimes. I still am at certain times and with certain people but nowhere to the extreme i once was when i was younger. It's been a gradual proccess for me though to get to where I am. I have a pretty great (sometimes dorky) sense of humour but I love to make people laugh and talk to people about their problems. And try to listen more than talk though (do have 2 ears, only one mouth ) I still do not like being in the spotlight or the centre of attention, that makes me quite nervous and shy. and as quickly as possible I try to avert the attention off of me onto someone, Anyone else! (lol) But I've also just learned to laugh a lot even if it be at myself. And make random jokes...tends to make me feel more at ease and pretty much everyone who knows me very well thinks I'm hilarious. I always end up making little comments at just the right time and get everyone laughing. anyways, once up on a time my social skills were very poor and I would blush at just about anything addressed in my direction and didnt know how to make and keep friends. I had a few but there were a lot of people I wasnt friends with because they thought I was too shy. So I basically became a loner. Now I've got more friends than I know what to do with (jk, i know what to do) and I'm learning how to be a friend more and more each day. something that when I was younger I wondered if I would ever know how to.

 

[Bartimaeus]

You know, that's awesome, and something worth praising God for!

Nothing like boldness from the Lord, eh?

 

[JPPT1974]

I know what you mean as I am shy, quiet, withdrawn, a person of a few words, and don't say much and don't really know how to express my feelings but when I write or type, I get my feelings out better if I can't say them with words, the "words" come out in typing/writing.

 

[Apollonian]

If you are shy, don't talk much in class, and perhaps even appear snobish to your classmates because of it - how would like to be approached by the confident but kind introvert on the other side of the class?

I swear to the God we love, I wish that I could take a sword and cut down all the silly barriers we errect around ourselves and inbetween other people. Yet, I fear that in doing so I would cut down a few innocent people if I was not careful.

Which barriers that you or others have errected do you wish that someone would just ignore? Which barriers would you not be comfortable with someone tearing down?

-Apollonian
20/m INTj

 

[Crain]

I am extremely shy and as such I find it very hard to make new friends, and almost impossible to meet girls. I am extremely self-conscious and just freeze up in any form of social situation (such as a party, a social, even coffee after Church), finding it almost impossible to smile and not knowing what to say. Occassionally people come over and talk to me, but being very nervous I tend to come across as unfriendly and rude, when really it is just shyness, and conversations just seem rather stilted and that makes both me and the other person uncomfortable.

With girls, it just seems that girls my age only like outgoing, sociable men, and always seem to ignore quieter, shyer men like me. I am fairly good looking, and athletic: I play a lot of sports and work out, and intelligent, but these things are no use, as I am far too shy to meet and get to know people well.

How can a shy guy like me make more friends and find a nice, warmhearted girlfriend?

Sounds like me .... Anyhow all you have to do is just find enough strength inside yourself and just go do it. Pray for strength partner... It will help you in the long run. It took alot out of me just to go and talk to a girl. And once that boundary that I set was broken. It became easier and easier. I know how you feel because you do not want to go talk to a female WHILE HER FRIENDS are around. Cause for some reason everyone seems to act differently around friends.

 

[cookieluvsjesus]

Apollonian,



Although i am the quiet type, i do love being around extroverts. It makes me feel more comfortable. With other quiet people, i tend to lead the conversations and be a little more comfortable being me since i know they are shy themselves. I hate the barriers that stand in my way. Im currently leading a 40 Days of Purpose group and doing alright. I can lead discussion and share somewhat about my life, but there are times when i really struggle to get words out. Such as, when someone walks in, i have a hard time just striking up conversation. I want to desprately, but my fears are bigger than my desires sometimes. I wish all my barriers would be torn down. Im ready for God to smash all my barriers and walls to smitherines, and i thinking im getting to that spot when i throw myself out of my comfort zone (the 40 days group). I guess my barriers are fear... fear of rejections, of humiliation, of i dont know.... being made fun of maybe? I got picked on a lot when i was little by my 3 older brothers, so i know that has contributed to my personality. Inside im exploding with chatter, excitement and extroversion, but its like experiences in my like has just piled up "stuff" on top of it and all that shows through now is introversion and snubishness. I dont want people to think im snubish, so i always try my hardeset to let new people see the real me, but its a big struggle for me. sheesh....

 

[Bartimaeus]

Apollonian,



Although i am the quiet type, i do love being around extroverts. It makes me feel more comfortable. With other quiet people, i tend to lead the conversations and be a little more comfortable being me since i know they are shy themselves. I hate the barriers that stand in my way. Im currently leading a 40 Days of Purpose group and doing alright. I can lead discussion and share somewhat about my life, but there are times when i really struggle to get words out. Such as, when someone walks in, i have a hard time just striking up conversation. I want to desprately, but my fears are bigger than my desires sometimes. I wish all my barriers would be torn down. Im ready for God to smash all my barriers and walls to smitherines, and i thinking im getting to that spot when i throw myself out of my comfort zone (the 40 days group). I guess my barriers are fear... fear of rejections, of humiliation, of i dont know.... being made fun of maybe? I got picked on a lot when i was little by my 3 older brothers, so i know that has contributed to my personality. Inside im exploding with chatter, excitement and extroversion, but its like experiences in my like has just piled up "stuff" on top of it and all that shows through now is introversion and snubishness. I dont want people to think im snubish, so i always try my hardeset to let new people see the real me, but its a big struggle for me. sheesh....

Wow! I can really relate to what you said.

When I was a kid, I got picked on at school because I wore thick glasses, and so while, on the one hand, I like talking to people, and want to be the type to strike up a conversation in new situations, I also feel more comfortablle off by myself a lot of times.

Like you, I need to pull myself (With God's help) out of my comfort zone.

If you want to PM me, or chat with me about this, let me know.

 

[cookieluvsjesus]

That is exactly how I have always been (able to share anything in writing but the opposite when i go to speak outloud). I have over 10 journals from childhood that are just filled with all the words i was never able to speak outloud. I pray that someday it will be the opposite, that the words will flow out of my mouth like then do now on paper. Maybe its the fact that i cant see or hear the person who reads this, i cant feel the rejection, or bad thoughts... i dont know. Some times i wish i could just write people rather than talk to people, but that would be real fellowship would it? I know that forcing myself talk outloud is getting outside of my comfort zone, and i know that this is also how we can grow JPPT1974 and who ever else stuggles with sharing their feelings outloud. Some day, i will be able to say anything that comes to mind and i wont have to think about what people think, Lord please help that day come soon... so that i can be a stronger, bolder witness.