Shy Guys Help Requested

[miss]

What is a gal to do who is interested in a really quiet, shy guy?
She is also a very reserved, shy person.

What might scare him?
What might be okay?

 

[remy]

i think dressing up in a chicken suit would scare him.

 

[Psalms34]

Well I find it no problem if the Woman takes initiative towards befriending a man with intent to discover whether or not he is someone she is seeking for companionship. I'm somewhat shy in cases (I pray hard for the courage before hand), but I like it when someone comes up to me and attempts to be my friend. I'm just someone that can't pull myself to using "pick up" lines (at all) or things like this, but once the awkwardness of being strangers pass he may become far less self-restrictive concerning his found feelings toward you if life takes that course. Just try to be his friend...

In my case though, I love sending flowers to break the ice. I tend to shower GF's in flowers and stuff like that through a relationship. It makes for good conversation at least "WOW! no ones has ever sent me FLOWERS!", and it's reassuring seeing the warm smile and all that. But I'm not sure if that works the other way around... at least not with flowers. Just try to be his friend...

 

[MrDude]

i think dressing up in a chicken suit would scare him.

Yeah chicken suit is definitly a no-no.

I'm a very shy guy. Lord knows I'd never have the guts to actually ask a girl out. I think he might appreciate it if you are somewhat aggressive. Ask if he wants to hang out and go get some coffee or something. Slowly but surely let him know that you are definitly interested in him as more that a friend.

 

[waterbear]

Make friends with him and encourage conversation about dating - not you two dating, more as in past experiences dating, people preferred for dating, etc. Should provide you a means to make your interests obvious and let you know if he's interested in you.

 

[Brutus/HisCatalyst]

Get to Know him first. If he's still too shy to say something, then bring it up. Just because they are shy doesn't mean they won't open up. I learn this from a student new to my campus, Faith. She's just shy, but once she know's you, she's as fun as they come.

 

[Sketcher]

Get to know him and be his friend, but do not in any way look like you're leading him on. That means no hugs, nothing like "sweetie" or anything else that might sound like a pet name. Shy guys latch on to social girls and get burned because they take the personal interest as "more than friends." It happened to me before I wised up and I saw it happen to other guys since. He may follow you around like a puppy dog and want to start dating you. He may worship the ground you walk on and want to talk to you exclusively. All this would happen because you may be the first girl to take ANY interest whatsoever in him. He probably didn't have good friendships growing up, so he'd be seeking to make up for all that love in a romantic way. After all, you are a girl and you are taking interest in him. In his eyes, he'll have hit the jackpot, but you just want to be friends. So I'd say do group stuff with him with friends of both sexes. Don't spend hours one-on-one in person, on the phone, or online. And pray for him to view you properly and socialize properly.

 

[JPPT1974]

Get to Know him first. If he's still too shy to say something, then bring it up. Just because they are shy doesn't mean they won't open up. I learn this from a student new to my campus, Faith. She's just shy, but once she know's you, she's as fun as they come.

Hey I am a shy gal so don't feel ashamed as I am also a loner. Either he brings it up or you do. Also they may be a person of a few words so they may not have a lot to say. That, of course, is fine.

 

[TriptychR]

Find something both of you are interested. As a shy person, I find it hard to talk to someone at first unless I have knowledge of what we're talking about.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Get to know him and be his friend, but do not in any way look like you're leading him on. That means no hugs, nothing like "sweetie" or anything else that might sound like a pet name. Shy guys latch on to social girls and get burned because they take the personal interest as "more than friends." It happened to me before I wised up and I saw it happen to other guys since. He may follow you around like a puppy dog and want to start dating you. He may worship the ground you walk on and want to talk to you exclusively. All this would happen because you may be the first girl to take ANY interest whatsoever in him. He probably didn't have good friendships growing up, so he'd be seeking to make up for all that love in a romantic way. After all, you are a girl and you are taking interest in him. In his eyes, he'll have hit the jackpot, but you just want to be friends. So I'd say do group stuff with him with friends of both sexes. Don't spend hours one-on-one in person, on the phone, or online. And pray for him to view you properly and socialize properly.

One word fer ya brother..........

 

[chanis]

dude just be friends and as your friendship blossoms you'll be able to gage where the interest level is...but definitley no chicken suit that would totally freak him out of his mind and we wouldn't want that...

 

[gord44]

smile at him....keep doing it...message will get through eventually

 

[Apollonian]

Find a way to ask for his email and ask him if you can email him sometime. A lot of times, it is easier to warm up with someone over email - specifically, it is less dangerous to stammer over when to meet and what to do than sitting there in person. If each person has time to respond, it saves everyone the trouble of trying desperately to guage each others reactions.

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

Ask him to do something you'd do with a regular friend. The movies is a good place to start! ;p

 

[JPPT1974]

dude just be friends and as your friendship blossoms you'll be able to gage where the interest level is...but definitley no chicken suit that would totally freak him out of his mind and we wouldn't want that...

Yeah be friends and see where the friendship goes. Who knows?

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I think twistedsketch gave some really good advice. Me, personally, I am not attracted to shy guys. Mainly because I am an extrovert. I fear reserved gents find me brash and a little too outgoing. I think it's important to get to know him. Maybe he really isn't so shy once he warms up to someone.

 

[KeilCoppes]

What is a gal to do who is interested in a really quiet, shy guy?
She is also a very reserved, shy person.

Both of them will have to take risks, even small ones in order to get from where they are to somewhere together. Just being friendly is the first step. And then they'll have to take some chances and share who they are and what they are looking for.

 

[renaistre]

Lots of good stuff here already, but I'll pipe in anyway.

First I would say think "sisterly" sort of thoughts. If you are both Christians, then you are his sister in Christ. So the correct way to approach him would be similar to how you would approach, say, a long lost brother that you've never met before. Obviously there are limitations to that analogy, but I think it works anyway. If that makes any sense, it can help in two ways. One is that getting the initial attraction a little less in the spotlight can lessen your shyness. The other is that you are more likely to avoid the types of issues that twistedsketch brought up.

Another thing to remember is that many shy people have a hard time starting a conversation, but don't have nearly as hard of a time responding once a conversation has been started. So if you just get some conversation going, a lot of the shyness might start to disappear.

Finally, stay away from chicken suits.

 

[invisiblebabe]

He probably didn't have good friendships growing up, so he'd be seeking to make up for all that love in a romantic way.

Been there all too much, sadly.

Don't spend hours one-on-one in person, on the phone, or online.

I would have to disagree with this. As an introvert, the best (and typically the one and only) way I truly get to know people is one-on-one. Putting me in groups (and I am not talking about structured groups such as class, Bible study, etc... I talk plenty in those. I am referring to groups arranged solely for the purpose of socializing) is usually just doing me a disservice and making me feel even more like I don't belong.

So I would say one-on-one time is best, but also be careful about saying/doing anything that would indicate interest too much or too soon.

And pray for him to view you properly and socialize properly.

Definitely Although the latter takes a lot of time, if he's been through what I have.... Five years now since I started praying about such things and really decided to put myself out there... and there is still much healing to be done.

 

[2Timothy2]

Patience and friendship. Let the friendship grow, anything beyond that, well, you know Who to trust for that. Shy/quiet/reserved people are often wrongly interpreted as not being interested. For me, if she takes the time to invest in a friendship with me, I would feel much more comfortable (just don't call me comfortable) taking the initiative in exploring the possibilities of a romantic relationship.