Show Me The Funny

[koalabear07]

I need some really funny jokes. Here are the rules.

1. One liners only please.
Long drawnout jokes are automatically disqualified.
2. Keep your jokes clean.
3. At the end of every week, I'll pick the joke that made me laugh the loudest. The winner will recieve 10 blessings. Each other entry will receive a rep.
4. No double entries. Only one joke per person per week.

Thankyou and have fun.

EDITED FOR A SHORTER WAIT
3. After 10 jokes, I will judge.

 

[HundredFootKrutch]

OK, I just sent this one to Spyr, but I'll try it with you...and it's like 4 lines or something...is that OK? It's funny:

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.
One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells,

"I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."

 

[koalabear07]

Yeah that's fine. I just meant that they shouldnt' be too long. (I don't like reading)

 

[goatheadalien]

This has to be one of my most favorite jokes I've seen lately.


I've started an exercise program.
I do 20 sit-ups each morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.

 

[For christ alone]

Two men walk into a bar which is pretty funny as you would have thought the second one would have seen the first one do it.

 

[~ Gig ~]

This is one of my favorites



"Never ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night."

 

[lacy]

once their was a snotty girl who never used a hankerchief.
(made that up myself!)

 

[Kalista]

I thought this one was really cute and gave me a nice chuckle!

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"

 

[koalabear07]

These are all very cute jokes. I appreciate everyone's participation. I will judge after the 10th joke. Looking forward to more jokes. Tell your friends about this thread.

 

[koalabear07]

This thread is lacking behind. I thought there would be more participatition(sp?). So instead of waiting until sometime next year when there are 10 jokes on here, I'll judge now. If you receive 10 blessings from me, You know you won. If you do not, know you recieved a reputation point. Thank you all who entered.

 

[david6789]

These are actual announcements from various churches:

=================================================


Today’s Church Sermon



10am “Jesus Walks on Water!”

7pm “Where is Jesus?”

=================================================


The Low Esteem Workshop will start at 6:30pm please use the back door.


=================================================

Will the Weight Watchers meeting participates please use the east double doors.

 

[Starr SDA Living Word]

Good Job all, they were great.

 

[MickyK]

A blond, a red-head, and a brunette walk up to a magic mirror (which if you lie to it, you vanish). The red-head says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world!" And *POOF* she disappears. The brunette walks up to it and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world!" And *POOF* she disappears. The blond walks up to it and says, "I think......" And *POOF* she disappears.

 

[MickyK]

no offense blonds.....lol

 

[koalabear07]

OH that's funny I dont' care who you are.
Here are 5 blessings for each of you.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

Well I dont have any one liners but here goes;

or the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, "I'm so scared! Joe says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church."

"Yes, yes, my child," replied the pastor, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over. "I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you."

"Oh yes, he has kept me safe thus far, only....."

"Only what, my child?"

"Well, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to kill YOU!"

"Well, now," said the pastor, "Perhaps it's time to check out that little church on the other side of town."



Sean C.