Should you date a divorcee who was not divorced for biblical reasons?

ladycounselor2be · Jan 22, 2014

My question is:
If she's not divorced for Biblical reasons, then for what reasons is she dating? Last time I looked there was a name for this: adultery.

AmericanSamurai · Jan 22, 2014

nevermind.

Sophrosyne · Jan 22, 2014

ladycounselor2be said:
My question is:
If she's not divorced for Biblical reasons, then for what reasons is she dating? Last time I looked there was a name for this: adultery.

And lusting after anyone but their former spouse would be adultery too which means there is almost no way for a divorced person to not commit it.

ladycounselor2be · Jan 22, 2014

I am divorced myself, and am the adult child of divorced parents. I was not commenting on the act, I just merely applied wisdom. If she's not divorce, then why is she dating? Its just logic, a reasonable question if you will. not judgment. I mean if you think about then will she ever divorce? Or will you guys be in the perpetual state of "dating". Sounds like you deserve more. Just saying.

Sophrosyne · Jan 22, 2014

ladycounselor2be said:
I am divorced myself, and am the adult child of divorced parents. I was not commenting on the act, I just merely applied wisdom. If she's not divorce, then why is she dating? Its just logic, a reasonable question if you will. not judgment. I mean if you think about then will she ever divorce? Or will you guys be in the perpetual state of "dating". Sounds like you deserve more. Just saying.

I think you misread the OP here... the woman IS divorced but her divorce may not be based upon biblically accepted reasons for doing so.

ladycounselor2be · Jan 22, 2014

Sophrosyne said:
I think you misread the OP here... the woman IS divorced but her divorce may not be based upon biblically accepted reasons for doing so.

Thank you. You are absolutely right I did misread it. Thank you for the correction.

I think the violence, substance abuse, infidelity are all Biblical reasons if not stated per verbatim. They fall under not honoring or treating your spouse as u would another.
My mother was wounded for a long time because she was told that she was a sinner -because she divorced my father an abusive, immature irresponsible, substance abusing, philander. She knew this what not God intended for her. So she stepped out on faith.
while she never remarried, God did bless her in other ways.
I do not think we would live Gods the life God has intended, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 NIV

Sophrosyne · Jan 22, 2014

ladycounselor2be said:
Thank you. You are absolutely right I did misread it. Thank you for the correction.

I think the violence, substance abuse, infidelity are all Biblical reasons if not stated per verbatim. They fall under not honoring or treating your spouse as u would another.
My mother was wounded for a long time because she was told that she was a sinner -because she divorced my father an abusive, immature irresponsible, substance abusing, philander. She knew this what not God intended for her. So she stepped out on faith.
while she never remarried, God did bless her in other ways.
I do not think we would live Gods the life God has intended, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 NIV

Well I think that people take Jesus talking to those under the Law literally when talking about divorce. Gentile Christians are not subject to the Mosaic Law and so they have to sometimes sift through what Jesus tell the Jews (who are obligate to the Law) to do and not do to see if it truly applies outside of the Mosaic Law or not.
I equate ending a marriage that would actually stop sinning vs allowing sin to continue within it. Christians are commanded to love so being unloving in a marriage is sinning. I think that at some point unloving turns to a form of hatred that is disguised as love because it is considered part of the marriage. If a spouse is not honoring their marriage vows in a sense the contract is voided if you think about it at some point.

CounselorForChrist · Jan 23, 2014

I would never ever date someone who is divorced because biblicaly divorce is not allowed at all. Sadly most people don't bother to take the verses into context. The short version is God hates divorce and says we shouldn't, but Pauls (it was paul right?) teaching was showing that no matter what you tell men about not divorcing, men will still try to find an excuse to do it. So when he was approached constantly about it from the same men. He finally gave in and gave them a reason to divorce.

It was not a commandment from God that we are allowed to divorce, it was a example showing that humans will look for a reason to disobey God if they believe in something deeply enough. Not that I went off track, I refer to my opening statement. No I would not date someone whos divorced.

Sophrosyne · Jan 23, 2014

xfreakazoidx said:
I would never ever date someone who is divorced because biblicaly divorce is not allowed at all. Sadly most people don't bother to take the verses into context. The short version is God hates divorce and says we shouldn't, but Pauls (it was paul right?) teaching was showing that no matter what you tell men about not divorcing, men will still try to find an excuse to do it. So when he was approached constantly about it from the same men. He finally gave in and gave them a reason to divorce.

It was not a commandment from God that we are allowed to divorce, it was a example showing that humans will look for a reason to disobey God if they believe in something deeply enough. Not that I went off track, I refer to my opening statement. No I would not date someone whos divorced.

I wouldn't automatically count out someone that divorced for dating myself, I would look at the total situation and their relationship with God and go from there. I believe that once a divorce is forgiven that God doesn't see a remarriage that if done by a non divorce related couple would be honorable and good to him as sinful just because of a forgiven divorce. The Bible says when God forgives he forgets, if God forgives a divorce then it is like the person was no longer married or bound to their ex spouse in any fashion that would equate sin... or adultery.
Never say never, because God will then put some wonderful woman of God that got divorced in your path and then you will find yourself eating your own words.
Personally I avoid divorced women not essentially because of the divorce itself but because too often there is hidden problems with them the either were because of the marriage leading to divorce or existed in them prior to marriage. History can repeat itself without fully knowing it AND taking it to heart very seriously and being watchful. Once someone divorces they can get a mindset going into the next marriage that if things don't go the way they like it then another divorce is a solution. In other words the first divorce makes it easier for a second one and so on.

technofox · Jan 23, 2014

AmericanSamurai said:
Would you be committing a sin by dating a divorcee who was not divorced on biblical grounds, ie. sexual infidelity/abandonment?

If you love them and they you, then yes. My ex-wife was abusive and withheld sex which I used for grounds of divorce. I dropped the abuse part in order for the divorce to end, because she didn't want the truth of her antics getting out in the open and negatively impacting her.

I am happily married and would recommend anyone to date people whom they think they are compatible with, despite them being divorced.

In truth, you can only honor God when it comes to marriage by being in a loving relationship. Marriages that are unloving or abusive are not honoring God and thus full of sin itself.

ladycounselor2be · Jan 23, 2014

Inkachu · Jan 23, 2014

AmericanSamurai said:
According to scripture, the one who marries a divorced person who was not divorced biblically is committing adultery.

So then your question becomes whether or not you believe that Scripture is true and right. Or are you asking US if WE believe the Scripture? Or are you asking for real-life, "I'm in this situation, what do I do?" advice?

I'm kinda confused about your reason for this thread. Is it just to complain about churches who don't apply the Scriptures the way you think they should?

CounselorForChrist · Jan 23, 2014

I'd say (in response to the responses to me) that my feeling is also that if you divorce for any reason, then as stated you are living in adultery unless you remarry the person you were with. So that is another reason I would not marry someone who divorced.

As another person said there is also the fact that for every time you divorce, the odds increase you will divorce again. Sometimes because your mindset going into another marriage is screwed up. The one woman I was engaged to long ago was divorced (yes before I changed my views) and she kept looking at our future marriage as if she will in the mindset of being with her ex.

akmom · Jan 23, 2014

Freakazoid, that's kind of where I'm at on this topic. I read the relevant scriptures, and I see no room for divorce or remarriage. I'm not trying to be judgmental about an individual's life or question their choices, but in terms of just discussing scripture itself and what it means, I cannot understand how people are coming to the conclusion that divorce is ever biblical. Where does it say that?

CounselorForChrist · Jan 23, 2014

Thats the thing. It doesn't say divorce is ok at all.

Paul at one point has men coming up to him each day coming up with new reasons and asking him if its ok for them to divorce their wives for various reasons. He says no. But after many days of this he gives in and says divorce is ok for things like adultery. People assume that means divorce is ok for those reasons.

But they don't take into context what paul was trying to show us the readers. You have to read the whole thin and not just the few verses of him saying divorce is ok. His lesson is that God hates divorce, but people who are intent on divorce will find a reason to divorce no matter what God says. God never once says divorce is ok in the bible. But in this world we tend to find any excuse we can to do what is wrong no matter what the truth is.

I am guilty of it as we all are at some point. I would download games illegally because I felt it was ok because I never had alot of money. I did this despite the fact the bible says stealing is wrong. I cherry picked some versus essentially saying God will give you what you desire. So I told myself "Well God must be ok with me stealing because I found the links to let me do so!".

Obviously I was in the wrong and got rid of the stuff I had downloaded. But like you said everyone has free will and if they want to do something then its on them. We can only help guide them. You can lead a horse to the water but you can't force it to drink as I was told long ago. BTW on a side note the forum has rules against people even hinting that divorce is ok. So that just further shows me my beliefs are correct.

AmericanSamurai · Jan 25, 2014

So the rationale according to the logic for some here is that the Bible endorses staying with someone who's unfaithful, hmmm... no I don't think the God of the Bible says that in scripture.

EazyMack · Jan 25, 2014

Scenario:

Married couple. One spouse is verbally abusive and consistently expresses regret in marriage, threatens divorce, and spitefully tells spouse to leave during nearly every argument. They go to counseling for over a year but things only get worse. There is much misery but no adultery going on.

The couple should stay married because they are Christians.

What non-believer will be drawn to Christ by seeing this example? How is this couple building the Kingdom? Are they stuck where they're at and doomed to never be an effective witness again?

I have my convictions on the matter, just interested in the legalist's solution to this problem.

AmericanSamurai · Jan 25, 2014

The legalist religionist assumes everything is completely cut and dry in the Bible and that Christians can fulfill every precept down to the exact details. If you do not you, IT IS SIN!!

LinkH · Jan 25, 2014

No. There are millions of other potential marriage partners who are 'kosher.' Why date someone if you have any qualms at all about whether it's a sin. Jesus said, "He that marries her that is divorced commits adultery." (Or put away depending on your translation. Divorced women are put away, too.)

In addition to that, if really there is no problem with dating someone, but in your heart you think you are sinning, you are still sinning. If you thought it was a sin to marry someone who couldn't have kids, or someone much younger than yourself, and you did it, you'd be sinning because your conscience would be defiled.

LinkH · Jan 25, 2014

AmericanSamurai said:
The legalist religionist assumes everything is completely cut and dry in the Bible and that Christians can fulfill every precept down to the exact details. If you do not you, IT IS SIN!!

The libertine considers those who are very careful to obey God to be legalists, also. There are different types of legalism. One of the dangerous types is the type where one believes he is justified by his own righteousness from keeping the law. Judgmental people are sometimes called legalists. Those with weak consciences are often labeled 'legalists.' And those who seek to walk righteously before God are sometimes labeled legalists by those who aren't too concerned about such things.

Should you date a divorcee who was not divorced for biblical reasons?

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