Should I try to be friends with him again?

[StormInside]

When I was 22 I made friends with a young man a couple of years older than me on the internet. We had the same taste in music, spirituality and had both been brought up catholic. We swapped phone numbers and for about 3 years he phoned me every week. He also spoke to my mother who liked him. We would talk mainly about religion, but also about music, and what we had been up to that week, etc. I went to a music festival every year and he kept wanting to come but didn't have enough money as we lived in different countries and he would have to have bought a plane ticket.

He's thoughtful and we had really interesting chats, but eventually some problems crept into our relationship. Eg - at that stage in my life I was enjoying being young free and single and thought i would never want kids. He was ready to settle down and get married and wanted kids. He thought we were a great match and he wanted me to be his wife. He thought I was wrong to want to stay single and childless and this angered me. Also he partied alot and got drunk on weekends while I had totally left that stage of my life behind. He also said that when he got married if his wife bored him, he would cheat on her, which bothered me. Also, at the time I was brainwashed by liberalism and believed strongly in gay rights. He said he thought homosexuality was disgusting and we had a big argument about that. He also said that even after having kids he expected his wife to stay slim and attractive and we argued about that too.

Anyway, eventually he saved up enough money for a plane ticket and we were due to go to the music festival together. He booked his plane ticket but I was getting nervous about meeting him in real life. Also I was annoyed with the way he kept saying that I was his future wife, he had even told his mum about me. I picked a fight with him and told him I would not go on holiday with him or speak to him again.

He told me that he still considered me one of his best friends, and from then on he left me alone. It's been about 2 years since then and I miss him. We had great talks, I could talk to him about so much stuff that I couldn't talk to other people about. I was judgmental of his attitudes but I've mellowed with age. I don't know if I should contact him again. What do you think?

 

[Wedjat]

He also said that when he got married if his wife bored him, he would cheat on her, which bothered me.

That alone is enough for me to suggest that if you do get in contact with him again, do so only on the basis of friendship. This is not someone you should consider marrying. Quite honestly this attitude disgusts me.

 

[Sketcher]

He doesn't sound like a prize, but perhaps he's matured after two years. I also do not recommend anything beyond friendship.

 

[explodingboy]

I'd say no. Mainly because I don't like his attitude towards women.

 

[Shabby]

Of course you should. You don't have to marry the guy if you talk to him again.

 

[MNTwinsfan2005]

If you do, only in friendship. I dated someone with this attitude toward women. Way to open to cheating, and funny thing is, he would the edges of cheating by going on dating sites but not meeting up with people, or sending inappropriate messages. It would have just led to him cheating one day so I left. But be wary of any guy who strait up says he will cheat on you if you do or don't do something. If you don't think you could keep it on a friendship level, then I would just avoid conversation all together.

 

[scuba_mikey_pc_2008]

I see no reason to not befriend him again, but I'd leave it at friendship, it doesn't sound like he'd value you, or any woman, in a relationship. In fairness however, he could have changed in two years, but don't let that be a temptation to take things further or drop your guard.

On the flip side, while you're able to talk to him about loads of stuff that you can't with other people, while this (in my opinion) should be true of a relationship, I see no reason why you shouldn't have friends like that.

 

[aric714]

I would definetly leave that alone. Oh just stay friends......yeah right! Let's be honest you still have feelings for the guy and those issues that you disagreed on are not minor. I would just leave it alone.

 

[losAngl]

The friendship is done, and both of you have moved on. Don't open new wounds.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

No.

 

[ModestGirlsRock]

No.

Ditto. My reasoning for saying no is because although you guys shared commonalities on basic things like music and movies, you two don't share commonalities on more important things like what one expects out of the marriage. He sounds rude, ridiculous, and more importantly, NOT a man of God. Then you say you miss him which means you're more than likely going to set yourself up to fall "in love" with him again, and since he doesn't like a man who is going to treat you right in marriage, I agree you shouldn't contact him.

 

[Shabby]

Ditto. My reasoning for saying no is because although you guys shared commonalities on basic things like music and movies, you two don't share commonalities on more important things like what one expects out of the marriage.

So you can't be friends with someone simply because you don't share a commonality on an important issue? Even if that issue has no bearing whatsoever on your friendship?

 

[avi8tor]

I think you should do what you want to do. Although the current trend is for most girls to chase after guys who treat them like dirt.

Please have some respect for yourself and find a guy who actually cares about you.

 

[MacFall]

Answer honestly for yourself whether you can truly be his friend without developing any further attraction, and if you cannot confidently answer "yes", then stay away.