Should I or shouldn't I Date my Best Friend?

[christiangal522]

I'm in a bit of a bind. You see, nearly two years ago one of my closest male friends asked me out. Now, being totally not attracted to him I decided against it and told him that I wasn't interested in him like that.

IIt's been a while since that occurred. Recently I feel as though I've been reconsidering this(partly because I'm 26 now and I feel more ready for a relationship now than ever before)...when I look at our friendship, I realize so many amazing things...nobody understands me like he does (we've both struggled with weight problems and we both are battling to get thinner and healthier), I can be myself, express myself, and feel total support in doing so...the list goes on and on. The more I go out with guys and meet people, the more I realize how special our friendship is and how rare of a person he is. The problem? I'm still not attracted to him on a physical level. I admit I'm attracted to him on every other level (I pray he doesn't read this!) but not physically. Nobody makes me feel so secure and confident as he does. I dont know what to do. I'm not sure if God is putting this on my heart or what...our friendship is so amazing that I shy away from even considering it. I've had multiple people ask me why we don't date...but then I've had multiple people tell me that we shouldn't...so I don't know. I care about him a lot and I swear we are like the same person (so people notice...as well as I have!). But I'm not attracted to him....ugh, what do I do about that?? I need so help with this one.

 

[SuperTech]

If you are not attracted to him, why are you even thinking about this? If you sell yourself short now, I think you will regret it later on. There are things more important then looks, but I think a basic level of attractiveness needs to be there for long term intimacy.

 

[bliz]

Most couples start with physical attraction, and then try and see if they can develop any other sort of a relationship. That has never made a whole lot of sense to me. Physical attraction is as learned as anything else. You have the stuff that really matters. If you give it a shot, the physical attraction can grow out of the friendship.

Be honset with him. Tell him that if he is willing, you'd like to revisit his question of dating; you aren't sure how you feel about him romantically, but you'd like the chance to explore it with him.

 

[forgivenmuch]

i would think if you are not attracted to him..you will never be. you and him are going to have to understand..that when he or you get married... there will most likely not be a close realtionship with u2 anymore... you will have to give that part to your husband.. enjoy him now.. because in the future he wont be like he is now. he will get married and so you will ..and you will grow apart.. think about that..now while you can..

 

[newlite]

we learned at camp how dating is a rather new thing

ppl in the bible were friends and then went into courtship or whatever. i was laughing to hard...it was a funny tape.

i say if your both still attracted then go ahead. but if your not attracted to him then thats kinda ?wierd? i dont know much about anything like this though...i aint that great with things like this...

 

[Machin Shin]

yes, My GF doesn't like me takeing pictures of her. she always says she doesn't look good, and I always say "of course you do!" and she really does to me. I honestly don't know why she sais that, but if she's right, I guess the physical attraction will be there if you truely love someone.

That's here BTW

am i wrong in thinking she's beautiful?

 

[fishstix]

Personally I think the ideal situation is for people to end up marrying their best friends. After all, if two people are best friends they must enjoy spending time with each other and have compatible personalities, etc. On the other hand, I think it's really bad when best friendships end because the two started going out, discovered they weren't right for each other, and couldn't go back to how things were before. You're the only only one who can decide whether you should or shouldn't go out with this guy. Pray about it and try to figure out what God wants you to do. Keep in mind that physical attraction is probably the least important type of attraction in a relationship, especially considering that physical appearances usually change greatly over time. If it's something you feel that you absolutely need in a relationship though, then that is something to consider. Again, pray about it and try to determine what God wants for you

 

[throwingbones]

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! I know it's hard to believe, but physical attraction can develop later in a relationship; and once it does... you will never see that person in the same way as you did initially. I don't think I would have believed it, if it hadn't have happened to me.

You didn't say anything about him asking you out anymore, so I don't see any need to rush into anything. Just focus on the relationship and who he is, rather than how he looks. Seek out God's counsel. Open yourself up to the idea of a romantic relationship and if it's God's will, the attraction will come.

 

[RU4Heaven]

OK - here goes. I think you should ask him out and talk to him and let him know that you are attracted to him as a friend but romantically you are not. Let him know how special a friend he is to you and that you enjoy spending time with him for all of those qualities which you listed. If some day you do find him attractive, then you can let him know how you feel. Sometimes, people change their minds as time and goes on. However, don't tell him this.

 

[SuperTech]

OK, so I'm no expert in relationships, but what happens when he wants to be intimate with you and you are not attracted to him? People keep telling you that is not important or one day it will come, but boy, that sounds like trouble to me. Or one day you get mad and you tell him you were really never attracted to him at all?

I hope I'm wrong about this.

 

[Machin Shin]

GIME AN "A"
GIME AN "M"
GIME AN "E"
GIME AN "N"
WHAT'S THAT SPELL?!?!

AMEN FISHSTIX!

 

[HumbleBee]

On physical attraction issue...am certain we all know of couples who were at first repelled by one another, yet thennnnnnnnnnnnnn......their love blossomed into full bloom...need i say more...

Anyhoo, physical attraction is fickle, vain, as older people will attest to...inner character is more magnetizing than outward appearance...Is a good looking conceited person a joy to fellowship with? <==meaning not!

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature...For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Word of advice...if you do decide to date this dazzling hearted dude...DON'T start by saying "hey listen, i not at all attracted to you in that way, ya know? But i could be..." That would be cutting him down at the get go ...Sounds like you already are really drawn to him and maybe timidity is keeping you from recognizing your true heart for him?