Should I move on ? Need help...

[Marenity]

Hey all. First of all please excuse my english as it's not my mother tongue, and sorry for the long message. But I really need advice on what to do in my situation. So here's my story. I am a strong Christian and I met a strong Christian online about a year ago. We live in different countries so we have never met by now. But we would both not mind a long distance relationship that is marriage oriented, if it's meant to be.
To start I would like to say that I do absolutely trust him on the fact that he is a serious guy & he is very engaged with God. He cares a lot about others, spread the Gospel, read the Bible a lot and we also share a lot of things about our common faith, so I am 100% sure he is not a player or a liar.

Since the beginning, I am VERY interested in him and I let him know quite early. His reaction was to tell me that he likes me too but that it's too early to go into a relationship for him.

The months passed by and the situation evoluated a bit, he shows interest, initiate most of the contact, compliments me, and talks about the future sometimes. We talk on whatsapp almost every day and on Skype about 2-3 times a week. I asked him if he is talking to other girls and he said no, he first want to see where it goes between us two and is not willing to meet anyone else. But when I ask him where this is going, he say that he feels for me and that he has hope for a relationship in the future between us, but he was honest about the fact that he is not in love with me yet and that it takes more time for him to go there when you don't spend physical time together (meaning not online). He say that a serious relationship (and marriage) is possible between us but he can't rush things or know what the future holds right now. But he said many times that he likes me. We are supposed to meet each other this year. He also said that if he didn't want to be with me, he would have moved on already and wouldn't be talking to me all the time. He also said that he wants to go into a relationship only when he feels he wants to marry the person.

I feel hurt in this situation and by the uncertainty on how things will turn out between us. I told him that, but he said he can't force things and he is moving at the pace that feels natural to him, which I also understand.

I have some insecurities and as I am really into this guy, I am always stressing out about how things are going to turn out. I pray a lot about it asking God to lead me. I know the guy is serious & sincere, but I mean it's been a long time and I am really scared that I am just wasting time and feelings for something that will never happen, if no stronger feelings develope on his side. On another side, I think that God maybe wants to use this time to work on me and on my weaknesses, to be better prepared for marriage.
Maybe I have too many expectations for someone I haven't yet met, and I don't want to be impatient but the thing is I am 27 years old so I don't want to waste YEARS before he takes a decision to make things a bit more certain about the future, especially since I don't know if it will turn out being positive or negative.

My question is what would you do? Do you think I should just let him more time and see where it goes, or I am wasting time and I better move on?

Thanks a lot for reading & advices. God bless.

 

[PinkPearl]

Hey all. First of all please excuse my english as it's not my mother tongue, and sorry for the long message. But I really need advice on what to do in my situation. So here's my story. I am a strong Christian and I met a strong Christian online about a year ago. We live in different countries so we have never met by now. But we would both not mind a long distance relationship that is marriage oriented, if it's meant to be.
To start I would like to say that I do absolutely trust him on the fact that he is a serious guy & he is very engaged with God. He cares a lot about others, spread the Gospel, read the Bible a lot and we also share a lot of things about our common faith, so I am 100% sure he is not a player or a liar.

Since the beginning, I am VERY interested in him and I let him know quite early. His reaction was to tell me that he likes me too but that it's too early to go into a relationship for him.

The months passed by and the situation evoluated a bit, he shows interest, initiate most of the contact, compliments me, and talks about the future sometimes. We talk on whatsapp almost every day and on Skype about 2-3 times a week. I asked him if he is talking to other girls and he said no, he first want to see where it goes between us two and is not willing to meet anyone else. But when I ask him where this is going, he say that he feels for me and that he has hope for a relationship in the future between us, but he was honest about the fact that he is not in love with me yet and that it takes more time for him to go there when you don't spend physical time together (meaning not online). He say that a serious relationship (and marriage) is possible between us but he can't rush things or know what the future holds right now. But he said many times that he likes me. We are supposed to meet each other this year. He also said that if he didn't want to be with me, he would have moved on already and wouldn't be talking to me all the time. He also said that he wants to go into a relationship only when he feels he wants to marry the person.

I feel hurt in this situation and by the uncertainty on how things will turn out between us. I told him that, but he said he can't force things and he is moving at the pace that feels natural to him, which I also understand.

I have some insecurities and as I am really into this guy, I am always stressing out about how things are going to turn out. I pray a lot about it asking God to lead me. I know the guy is serious & sincere, but I mean it's been a long time and I am really scared that I am just wasting time and feelings for something that will never happen, if no stronger feelings develope on his side. On another side, I think that God maybe wants to use this time to work on me and on my weaknesses, to be better prepared for marriage.
Maybe I have too many expectations for someone I haven't yet met, and I don't want to be impatient but the thing is I am 27 years old so I don't want to waste YEARS before he takes a decision to make things a bit more certain about the future, especially since I don't know if it will turn out being positive or negative.

My question is what would you do? Do you think I should just let him more time and see where it goes, or I am wasting time and I better move on?

Thanks a lot for reading & advices. God bless.

When it comes to a relationship, sometimes two people will have different expectations. One of them will visualize the long-term future and hope that there is an outcome, and the other prefers to take it one day at a time and see how it goes.
So what to do when you encounter such a relationship? The only thing you can do is to adjust your expectations, in other words, mirror his actions. Since this is the way he is viewing your relationship, then you have to adjust your expectations too and start viewing the relationship the same way he does. Take the relationship one day at a time and act the same way he does. When he chooses to commit to you, then you start committing to him. But since he said he isn't in love with you yet, then it's time to detach your emotions from him as well and take the relationship one day at a time and then meet up with him and see how it goes. Good luck.

 

[Marenity]

Hey PinkPearl. Thanks for your reply, you are so right. But I mean if I take it day by day as he takes it, is there still a chance of a commitment after so long? I'm worried to take it day by day for years and in the end realise that he was never going to commit anyway.

 

[Mudinyeri]

My brother is on his second marriage to a woman from another country. The first woman divorced him two weeks after she received her U.S. citizenship. It seems to me that the man you've met online is only being wise. There's no reason to be hurt.

If the man needs to spend time with you in person to determine whether or not the relationship will work ... spend time with him in person.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of online dating in general and, specifically, online dating across national boundaries. The cultural differences are significant in many cases. The distance makes it difficult to truly get to know one another and interact with each individual's family. There may also be a language barrier. One person, or possibly, both is going to have to uproot themselves and move to a different country. This frequently leads to isolation and loneliness. All of these are factors in the probability of success of a relationship.