Should I feel guilty about not "trying" anymore?

[skywatching]

You know what....September is enough time to sincerely pray for her...take yourself out of the picture for the time being and focus on what you feel she needs to realize. I totally understand the panic perspective, I got that way a couple times myself but I really think God closed their hearts at that point because I was not where he wanted me.

God has a way of making ANYTHING bad turn to good. Atleast you have given control to God and you will really be surprised what He will do with that. I commend you reaching out and asking for guidance but in all this remember one thing...God allows things to go on because of our free-will BUT he is still powerful enough to make it right again.

The best you can do for yourself if just continue a distant yet consistent love towards her. It's really harder with children but it will truly become easier for you to lay God's decision in ur heart and move on. I can even tell you something else from a personal perspective, I was horrible to my exes. I was abused in some ways and I just didn't take it anymore but I was mean in some ways too. Years later, even when they feel like I am being unjust regarding the kids, they respect me now. We do actually get along well. Not to say we really like each other... we just feel it works best for the kids. Divorce sux no matter what the situation. It all hurts on some level but as bad as it gets, it will get better with mature understanding from you both. Good Luck and you are included in my prayers that the vows of marriage return to the sacred establishment that God created. Parents are heavily to blame in the disfunctional mindset of young adults with the media being just as guilty.

 

[Tearbear]

How long have you been separated? I would wait a while before you seriously consider divorce. You don't know what the absence of you and the kids could do to his heart. You will hear a lot of opinions about separation... some people say that it is counterproductive because you are away from the very thing you are trying to fix... but honestly, since I was the one who was left.... I always tell people that it was the best and worst thing to happen to me... I'm glad she left because I got my act together, but at the same time, I'm sad because I doubt we will reconciliate. Hopefully, in time your husband will take the opportunity to try and get himself right with the Lord and you. And maybe go to counseling and get some pills.


IrvRiv,

I do not know if getting back together is in the cards for me and my husband. I do love him and I pray for him but he is growing from mental abuse to physical. It started out with yelling and then progressed to excessive force with holding while yelling. The other day me and the kids invited him to go to the movies with us and he was mean the whole time and when I went to walk away he grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me back on the ground and yelled at me more. I can not handle this, I have been and still raising our two children alone and I will not put them threw this anymore. He has told me he will not go to counseling and that I better like it because I am bound to him forever through god. So no I do not think I will be going back to him anytime soon or ever. This last adventure was the last one for me. i do thank you for your great advice and I am so glad that you where able to get your life back on track!

 

[Mobiosity]

IrvRiv,

I do not know if getting back together is in the cards for me and my husband. I do love him and I pray for him but he is growing from mental abuse to physical. It started out with yelling and then progressed to excessive force with holding while yelling. The other day me and the kids invited him to go to the movies with us and he was mean the whole time and when I went to walk away he grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me back on the ground and yelled at me more. I can not handle this, I have been and still raising our two children alone and I will not put them threw this anymore. He has told me he will not go to counseling and that I better like it because I am bound to him forever through god. So no I do not think I will be going back to him anytime soon or ever. This last adventure was the last one for me. i do thank you for your great advice and I am so glad that you where able to get your life back on track!

Get out and stay away until he gets some help. You and your children are in danger. God doesn't intend for us to be injured. He wants you and your children to be safe. You don't want your kids to live like that or to learn that kind of behavior. That's why they have safe houses for battered spouses. Prayed just now for your continued safety.

Mobi

 

[deliciousBass]

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[AndrewCS]

God’s will for your life is bigger than anything.

We all need to get a handle on that one.

How do we know God’s will? Well I believe that there is a huge part of that in the Bible and it is not too difficult to study what the bible says about most things.

BTW, there is some great free bible software, just Google Bible Pro download.
Search the word divorce in the scriptures and read what it says, that should give you a hint.

Many times people (self included) get frustrated wanting to know God’s will and God says, “My people perish through lack of _________ “ What is the greatest source of that?

If I am praying about something or other (which is usually the case), I ask the Lord to show me and steer me. I usually get confirmations of people quoting scriptures I have just been reading or I will get an email or somebody on this forum will post a word and snap, there it is.

Last week at our prayer group was amazing. We got into worship and were just basking and sharing as we were led. I was getting words and visions and just as I was receiving these somebody else was speaking it. That was like woo hoo. The Holy Spirit is very real.

There is also the area that we also need to action with prayer and discern the balance. All prayer and no action ? Show me that in the Bible please. Even when Jesus offered the miracles of raising the dead he went to the place, he did not just pray from a distance.

If you or anyone else is REAL serious about not wanting a divorce, well the good news is that Jesus is in the business of change, he changes people ( He did me) and if you and your wife have / had a marriage based on Christian principals and you both believe – well call me whatever but I believe that God came to restore and heal not to destroy.

There are circumstances that divorce is acceptable but I do not want to dif into that. I do know that some of the most amazing ministries around came from the history that no one would believe people would or could endure.

We ALL must be aware that God puts us through the refining fire and MANY times that process is hot and painful, He builds us up for His plan for us and if we fail the test, we go around the mountain again. He does not give up on us, we usually give up on Him.

Thank you Lord for having patience to wait for us silly people. Thank you Lord for your promise and shape us Lord that we all may be steadfast in your promise to us all. Thank you Lord that you have set us on a path with real purpose and on a journey that leads to eternity. Praise you Lord for you are the great I AM.

 

[Mobiosity]

Wonderfully put! This just gave me a confirmation about my life. God is there, He is large and in charge.

 

[yourinnervoice]

IrvRiv - Do not feel guilty. I know it's easier said than done, but if you've exhausted all of your resources and she decided the fate of you marriage - As long as you know you've done all you can - Be at peace.

 

[fields316_2000]

Can someone explain to me what Irv meant when he said that she was waiting the one year seperation period? what does that mean? if you are married you are married right until you file for divorce right?

also irv, dont sign or force anything. you are in the right and she's in teh wrong. if she goes to file for divorce she's going to ruin her life. it's gods will to reconcile this situation not let it die. if she files and divorces for no reason it's a slap in his face and blood will be on her hands.

 

[deliciousBass]

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