Should I be concerned?

[j0hnnyb0y84]

Hi all! This is my first post. I have been an avid reader of the forums over the past few days, and thought I'd share some thoughts on what's been troubling me lately.

My girlfriend and I have been happily dating for 4 months. We met here at Texas Tech University, and it turned out we share the same hometown. Typical love story - we hit it off well, fell in love, etc.

She had been dating a guy back in high school, of whom she lost her virginity to. This saddened me - people make mistakes; as long as they are learned from, they serve a purpose.

He put her through a lot of pain - he cheated on her, was heavily involved in drugs, alcohol, and at time used threats of suicide so that she would not leave him. Finally, she broke it off.

At the time of the first break up, she was still in high school and he was in college.

When she came to college, he one day showed up at her dorm room. They went out a few times after that, and while they never officially "dated" then, they continued to have sex. Upon learning this, I was deeply saddened.

The problems with him persisted, and she finally called it quits. That was about a year and a half ago.


I know that she is a good person - she comes from a solid background (good well respected family, active in college, active in church). She said that she went out with him again because it was comfortable, but that had she known I existed she would not gone out with the guy. It upsetted her last night when I asked why she went out with him again, because she didn't really have an ansewr - it bothered that she didn't know.

I am deeply in love with her; but do people ever really learn from their mistakes if they're willing to make them again?

 

[Violet]

Yes, they most certainly do. I made a countless amount of mistakes back when I was dating....I took the same guy (who did not support my christianity) several times. And I took him back because it was easy and we were comfortable with each other. But, after 4 years, I finally learned my lesson! Now I'm married to a christian man and would never in a million years even think about going back to the other guy. People learn through trial and error...some people just take longer!

 

[j0hnnyb0y84]

Violet - Thanks for the response. The situations sound somewhat similar.

She had said that it was easy, and that it was comfortable so she went with it. Even though I wish she hadn't, it's the mistakes of yesterday that make us who we are today.

 

[Violet]

You're welcome

Even though I wish she hadn't, it's the mistakes of yesterday that make us who we are today.

Exactly! If you don't let go of the past you'll ruin what you have with her....and that's not fair to her. Everyone has a past...my husband went through a wild phase before me....and I went through something before him...that doesn't affect our relationship and it shouldn't. If you're in love with her it's important not to question her past. Anyway, I hope this helps!

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

Yeah its not really up to you to hold it against her.However it is important that she seem realises the gravity of her past,am I correct in saying that she is truly repentant and changed,if so then you should move on?However im a bit concerned that you think she is 'good' person because of her family,and being active in church and college,seems rather trite to base on opinion of someones character.

 

[MusicMelOU]

Yes they can, and if she's Christian and has repented, then she is clean in God's eyes, and there's no reason why she shouldn't be clean in your eyes as well. Saying she's not clean when she is in the eyes of God is like saying "God's standard for forgiveness isn't good enough for me". Sounds awfully prideful to me. You're going to have to get over that pride and learn to forgive her.