Should I be Concerned still or no?

[HolyOne87]

its mainly the girl from what it seems. she texts him and if he doesnt respond in a certain amount of time she gets fussy and annoyed w/ him. he tries to just have him and i time, no cell phones out, and his phone buzzes like crazy bc she doesnt get to stop texting until we are done hanging out together.

its all because her fiance isnt around at night which causes her to text my boyfriend. i mean, yes he does encourage it by texting her back sometimes but there are other times h
e doesnt and she just persistantly texts him anyway.

she is the one i really cant stand. they usually only message eachother when one of them has a problem. he hasnt had any as of late but you cant be telling me that she has THAT many that she texts him nonstop. sometimes it would go off so much that i'd be like "babe check your phone. she might need you. i dont want her getting mad at you" or something.

hes grown btter with it the past few days but she just doesnt get it it seems. what is she going to do next year on her honeymoon? text my boyfriend during it??seriously i wouldnt even on my honeymood. its my time away. i might just call people to say "hey we are doing well. see you when we return" sort of thing.

now forget it if i marry this guy and she does this to us. his phone will be off and thrown out the window. he even said to me that she can become a little annoying, especially when she gets fussy at him.

i found out that the reason she might be attached to him is because when she was 15(when they "met" online..my boyfriend was i believe 20) she opened up to him saying she was raped. i mean, i guess i could see why she is all attached to him.(yeah im playing devils advocate at the moment now--if thats what they call it). so maybe i shouldnt get annoyed.

i mean i dont want to be stressed w/ him. he does make me truly happy and i just met his parents for the first time last night(they live 12 hours away thats why) and his mother seemed to have loved me. she whispered into my boyfriends ear and said while looking at me "take care of our girl". my boyfriend told me she calls me her girl. Kind of awesome.

but it seems i have not much to worry about. i guess i just hate not knowing what my bf and that girl talk about which causes me to spaz out and worry.

i dont think shes even his type. She doesnt sound Christian because she tells my boyfriend that she has sex all the time w/ her fiance. my boyfriend wants someone w/ Christian values..which is why i guess he is dating me.

and he said the time he did "like"(he said it like that..quotes and all) he got common sense and then didnt "like" her not even a few minutes later(this is while she was w/ her now fiance-they dated since high school).

so maybe im bugging over nothing. i guess i just do because of how i was hurt in the past by guys.

thanks for the continued responses..and thanks lynn!you've been responding since the start! you rock! so does everyone else on here!

 

[Isbjorn]

Sorry HolyOne87, but this just isn't adding up. You are hanging in there in the hope that "something" will work out but it's not going to.....

I haven't met you or your bf but from what I've read in this thread he's mucking you around. We have "inbuilt" alarms that ring when things aren't right and yours are screaming at you.

This woman is coming between you and your bf and, what's more, for whatever reason, he's allowing it. Consider this, just think what it would be like if you had someone who wanted you and only you with no hassle like this!.

In my humble opinion if you hold onto this situation any longer you're going to get very, very hurt.

I feel so sorry for you but it sounds like it's time to walk away.

 

[PreacherMan_1]

Sorry HolyOne87, but this just isn't adding up. You are hanging in there in the hope that "something" will work out but it's not going to.....

I haven't met you or your bf but from what I've read in this thread he's mucking you around. We have "inbuilt" alarms that ring when things aren't right and yours are screaming at you.

This woman is coming between you and your bf and, what's more, for whatever reason, he's allowing it. Consider this, just think what it would be like if you had someone who wanted you and only you with no hassle like this!.

In my humble opinion if you hold onto this situation any longer you're going to get very, very hurt.

I feel so sorry for you but it sounds like it's time to walk away.

I agree with this poster. I'm engaged right now and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that there is no way I would do this to my fiance or tolerate it from her. There are things which become off-limits when you are married and talking to other women for extended lengths of time is one of them. So this needs to stop now and he needs to show you that you are the only woman in his life. If that means having to be rude to someone from the past so they will get the message, so be it. I hate it for them, but when I got engaged talking to other women from my past for extended lengths of time was no more. It is ok to send occasional "Hope you are doing well" messages. But beyond that you are getting into an emotional attachment and that is when the big red flags start waving.

And your fiance when you are married will promise to God that he will honor you. And part of this is honoring your feelings on things. You are telling him this is a problem for you. So that's it. That is all that needs to be said. You do not have to justify to him why his speaking to this woman is a problem for you. It is a legitimate problem and he needs to put a stop to this yesterday. And again, if it takes having to be rude to this woman for her to get the message then that is her problem. Not yours or your BF's.

 

[PreacherMan_1]

"This is a deal breaker unless we fix it -now-".

Exactly!

The marriage relationship is the 2nd most important relationship in a person's life. The most important being our relationship with God. Our relationship with extended family is 3rd, and friends and acquaintances are somewhere after that. This woman is interfering with priority #2. This needs to be dealt with immediately. Like you said, it's a deal-breaker if it doesn't stop.

 

[Blank123]

i hate to say it but, despite his claims to the contrary, i have to wonder if there *is* something going on with those two There's no way i'd allow any friend, male or female, to take me away from my boyfriend like that; in fact i have only ever shown that sort of interest that he shows for Jenny for my bf, and i haven't ever even gone to that extreme that he has where i can't have a night to myself because of constantly checking to see if he's IM'd, texted, or emailed me

i think you need to address this head on like Lynn and the others have said. Venting to us might help you feel better temporarily but it ultimately solves nothing.

Tell him how crazy this is driving you tell him what this is making you think and feel not only towards him but this girl and tell him if he wants there to be peace between you and him and you and this girl then things have to settle down *real* fast. Explain to him that you don't mind them talking or having a friendship its the obsession they seem to have towards one another that really bothers you. You are the woman he's decided he wants to be with now, not Jenny, and he needs to start acting like it.

i found out that the reason she might be attached to him is because when she was 15(when they "met" online..my boyfriend was i believe 20) she opened up to him saying she was raped. i mean, i guess i could see why she is all attached to him.(yeah im playing devils advocate at the moment now--if thats what they call it). so maybe i shouldnt get annoyed.

no... you're perfectly justified. The situation is a little different, granted, but when i was about 14 or 15 i had a friend open up to me about something similar and that friend became very possessive of me and emotionally manipulative as well. Despite my trying to get a healthy distance and reclaim my life and get some balance my friend never really got the hint so i ended that friendship. The unhealthy obsession only has to continue as long as your boyfriend actually wants it to.