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Should I apologize for this?
- Thread starter anonym00s
- Start date
joey_downunder
big sister
You say he was in your room- did you have to share the same bed? If he moved around a lot in his sleep it would be very hard not to accidentally touch him at some time! I think it sounds like you were traumatised by that man trying to seduce you a lot more than you realised... and you are somehow putting yourself in that man's shoes.
i.e. he *intentionally* approached/ touched you in a certain way for *that intent*. You accidentally came too close to that boy for innocent reasons and you are afraid that others who learn of what happened may jump to false conclusions.
You mention his mother telling you about his relationship with his Dad. Would she be open to hearing about what happened and why it disturbed you *including* your close call with that older man? If not do you have a family member etc who knows both of you enough to be fair and take both sides into equal account?
I definitely think you should seek counselling for your current struggle of what ''you came close to as well''.
P.s. if you don't know what to say if you decide to speak to someone about this - PRINT this page and show them. You explained it very well.
i.e. he *intentionally* approached/ touched you in a certain way for *that intent*. You accidentally came too close to that boy for innocent reasons and you are afraid that others who learn of what happened may jump to false conclusions.
You mention his mother telling you about his relationship with his Dad. Would she be open to hearing about what happened and why it disturbed you *including* your close call with that older man? If not do you have a family member etc who knows both of you enough to be fair and take both sides into equal account?
I definitely think you should seek counselling for your current struggle of what ''you came close to as well''.
P.s. if you don't know what to say if you decide to speak to someone about this - PRINT this page and show them. You explained it very well.
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You say he was in your room- did you have to share the same bed? If he moved around a lot in his sleep it would be very hard not to accidentally touch him at some time! I think it sounds like you were traumatised by that man trying to seduce you a lot more than you realised... and you are somehow putting yourself in that man's shoes.
i.e. he *intentionally* approached/ touched you in a certain way for *that intent*. You accidentally came too close to that boy for innocent reasons and you are afraid that others who learn of what happened may jump to false conclusions.
You mention his mother telling you about his relationship with his Dad. Would she be open to hearing about what happened and why it disturbed you *including* your close call with that older man? If not do you have a family member etc who knows both of you enough to be fair and take both sides into equal account?
I definitely think you should seek counselling for your current struggle of what ''you came close to as well''.
P.s. if you don't know what to say if you decide to speak to someone about this - PRINT this page and show them. You explained it very well.
Yes, same bed.
You have to understand my background. I normally feel like I know exactly what to do but this was just one of those cases were I felt out of control because I didn't know how to deal with it, thus it was hard to resolve in my mind. It could have been any number of other things, like recklessly breaking a friend's plate and not telling them about it or almost running a stoplight and causing someone else to spill burning hot coffee all over themselves. Stuff that you don't really mean to do and it is not entirely clear whether you did anything wrong.
I am fairly certain I haven't done anything to traumatize John in the situation I mentioned but it is that tiny doubt that gets me. I am usually confident in what I do and ready to back it up with reasons why. I was frustrated that I was still dealing with this issue for this long rather than doing something about it.
I will play this one by ear.
P.S. It might not be clear how you helped me from my reply. You helped me just by listening.
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joey_downunder
big sister
I remembered this link for you. Why Minor Sex Abuse Hurts. How to heal
Even if nothing actually happened the preparatory mental games had been started. God knows your innocence even if you feel guilt or shame in any way.
Even if nothing actually happened the preparatory mental games had been started. God knows your innocence even if you feel guilt or shame in any way.
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Thank you for that!
Today I was at the coffee shop and and I ordered a small size of my favorite tea. The woman who made it gave me the large size instead. I was about to say something then I figured they would probably say what they normally say "just keep it". I didn't mind the larger size and I didn't want to make a fuss about it so I just grabbed it and went on my way. Then I started thinking.... they didn't actually say I could keep it. Is this considered stealing? Should I go back and explain - that seems so ackward though. Then I realized it was the same pattern as before, just with a different issue! I kind of laughed about it on the inside. I would choose what thought was the best course of action that did not violate "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The point was that I could deal with the situation and I was not going have tremendous stress because of it.
I don't have much memory of what the older man did or how he treated me but there was a time when I had alot of anger inside and I didn't know where that came from. There was even a time where I went to the city that was the older man's hometown and I didn't even want to be there! I thought if this city tolerated a person like that then I don't even want to be in it! It may sound extreme but that is how I felt at the time. I have since gotten over it for the most part and don't even remember alot of what happened. I've tried to explain more recelty and my mind almost draws a blank. Not that it is a mental block but when I got over it I just stopped thinking about it.
If you are referring to the "mental games" of the older man, yes there were mental games and plenty of them. In the end he feared me because I figured out who he was and threatened to expose his true motives. The memories of his friends that pointed the finger at me for being (in their eyes) an evil person is what I remember more. Evil because I decided to speak against what the older man was doing (the general way he treated me, spoke to me, etc.). Get manipulated, then excluded and slandered, what a combo! I was talking about it just last week to someone and I felt my eyes start to tear up just a bit which never happens so I suppose that did have an affect on me.
Today I was at the coffee shop and and I ordered a small size of my favorite tea. The woman who made it gave me the large size instead. I was about to say something then I figured they would probably say what they normally say "just keep it". I didn't mind the larger size and I didn't want to make a fuss about it so I just grabbed it and went on my way. Then I started thinking.... they didn't actually say I could keep it. Is this considered stealing? Should I go back and explain - that seems so ackward though. Then I realized it was the same pattern as before, just with a different issue! I kind of laughed about it on the inside. I would choose what thought was the best course of action that did not violate "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The point was that I could deal with the situation and I was not going have tremendous stress because of it.
I don't have much memory of what the older man did or how he treated me but there was a time when I had alot of anger inside and I didn't know where that came from. There was even a time where I went to the city that was the older man's hometown and I didn't even want to be there! I thought if this city tolerated a person like that then I don't even want to be in it! It may sound extreme but that is how I felt at the time. I have since gotten over it for the most part and don't even remember alot of what happened. I've tried to explain more recelty and my mind almost draws a blank. Not that it is a mental block but when I got over it I just stopped thinking about it.
If you are referring to the "mental games" of the older man, yes there were mental games and plenty of them. In the end he feared me because I figured out who he was and threatened to expose his true motives. The memories of his friends that pointed the finger at me for being (in their eyes) an evil person is what I remember more. Evil because I decided to speak against what the older man was doing (the general way he treated me, spoke to me, etc.). Get manipulated, then excluded and slandered, what a combo! I was talking about it just last week to someone and I felt my eyes start to tear up just a bit which never happens so I suppose that did have an affect on me.
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joey_downunder
big sister
I don't think that reaction to being in the same town was extreme - I bet you didn't want that type of attention in the first place. It was hardly the safest place you had been in after all!!!!!
Yes having realised his friends were willing to defend him to the point tried to wreck your reputation instead would have been very hard. Did they know what he was *really* like?
Subtle or covert abuse is still abuse. Chinese water torture is still torture. The deception, the confusion, the fear, the emotional terrorism..... it may not make news headlines or leave physical scars but it is just as real.
Yes having realised his friends were willing to defend him to the point tried to wreck your reputation instead would have been very hard. Did they know what he was *really* like?
Subtle or covert abuse is still abuse. Chinese water torture is still torture. The deception, the confusion, the fear, the emotional terrorism..... it may not make news headlines or leave physical scars but it is just as real.
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