Should Christian teens date?

[Sinner and a saint]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships. Can these relationships glorify God? Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?
These are things I'd like to know about and discuss.

 

[Exiledoomsayer]

Well..
Unless you have been set up for an arranged marriage by your family(Which I doubt).
How else exactly are you going to find a partner?

As far as purpose go's I suppose dating would be a good way to see if you are right for eachother. If you want to get married I suppose you could see that as the ultimate purpose, to find somebody you would want to spend the rest of your life with.

Even if a relationship ends in a breakup. Thats still better then if you would have gotten married on first sight and divorced isnt it?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Teenage hormones are always in overdrive, and WILL cloud the judgment. Talk to your parents, and your minister about this. Asking the question here will get you every opinion under the sun, possibly giving you just the reasoning you may be after. Best to consult with those you know and actually are concerned about you.

 

[MacNeil, D.]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships. Can these relationships glorify God? Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?
These are things I'd like to know about and discuss.

Not unless you want to learn how how men and women behave towards each other in a normal relationship.

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Exiledoomsayer, you have point. I suppose I'm asking whether it's wise to become emotionally invested in a relationship when you are young, and maybe not in a position to get married.

Your name suits you, oldwiseguy (the wise part)! I have some pretty strong stances and opinions on this subject, I just wanted to hear others and discuss them. But I agree, and you make a valid point in your advice =)

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Why do you say that, MacNeil, D.?

 

[MacNeil, D.]

Why do you say that, MacNeil, D.?

The only way anyone ever learns these social skills is by trial and error. Meaning, dating. You'll probably find it an emotional roller coaster, but that's ok, its how life works.

 

[Exiledoomsayer]

Exiledoomsayer, you have point. I suppose I'm asking whether it's wise to become emotionally invested in a relationship when you are young, and maybe not in a position to get married.

Is it wise? Well that is a interesting question.
I would personally think that it is unwise to rob yourself of the oppertunity to experience life.
Though certainly the odds would be against you finding a life long commitment in your teens and if that is your only goal then no it is not wise.
If you are content with the possiblity of a partner and the certainty to have gained experiences and knowledge from youthful foolishness that may help you in the future when you try again, then yes it is wise.

 

[Ar Cosc]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships. Can these relationships glorify God? Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?
These are things I'd like to know about and discuss.

I would say definitely. From a pragmatic point of view, the more you put yourself out there, the more experience you will get of how to interact with people in that sort of a context. If you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, fantastic, if you don't, you're gaining experience, and are less likely to say or do something to blow it with "the one" when they do come along.

I'm not suggesting a sexual relationship, because only you will know whether or not you will regret it later on, and it should be left up to you to decide.

From a christian point of view, several of my christian friends have been in both long and short term relationships with other christians, and I know they felt it a great comfort to have someone they could discuss any issue with, especially issues of christianity and faith. One of them is now married to the girl he started dating in his teens, the other one has split up with her boyfriend, but neither of them regret what they did.

 

[Benevolous]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships. Can these relationships glorify God? Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?
These are things I'd like to know about and discuss.

I don't believe so.

Our children are not allowed to date. Our oldest daughter is courting, and I imagine our other children will too, when they're ready.

Our daughter never goes on dates unchaperoned, and the boy she is courting went through a pretty rigorous approval process.

Naturally, this will be mocked, and I'm OK with this because God has called me to raise my children to be Godly men and women, not to please a bunch of atheists and goats.

There are several reasons we don't allow our children to date. The first is that the way dating is encouraged today can only lead to trouble.

Take two teenagers with raging hormones, send them out alone, and the temptation to remain pure will be tremendous. At worst, they'll fall into sin. While it's possible that some may build a relationship that leads to marriage, most teenagers have numerous boy and girl friends and most of these relationships end in heartache.

How many Christian parents ever get to know their daughters' boyfriends before they let them date? Very, very few, in my experience. Why on Earth would a Christian father do this?

The second problem is that very few parents adequately educate their children about the Biblical role of marriage and romantic relationships.

What is the point of dating if not to "hook up", particularly in a society that can't even sell toothpaste without injecting sex into the discussion?

I don't agree with everything in Josh Harris' book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", but I do think it would be very helpful to you.

In addition, both Voddie Baucham and Paul Washer have numerous sermons on this issue. You can find them on Google or on itunes.

 

[Benevolous]

The only way anyone ever learns these social skills is by trial and error. Meaning, dating. You'll probably find it an emotional roller coaster, but that's ok, its how life works.

Or, God forbid, they might have parents who teach them.

 

[Ar Cosc]

What is the point of dating if not to "hook up", particularly in a society that can't even sell toothpaste without injecting sex into the discussion?

To make a connection with someone? To spend time in their company?

 

[Benevolous]

To make a connection with someone? To spend time in their company?

And you believe that dating is the only way to go about that?

Why can this not be done through courting or merely through friendship?

 

[MacNeil, D.]

And you believe that dating is the only way to go about that?

Why can this not be done through courting or merely through friendship?

Teens will fall in love, fall out of love, several times a month, get immersed in Drama every day. Its part of their subculture and its how they learn what adult relationships are as they grow up. A teen "courting" sounds dweeby to me. A teenaged boy who only wants friendships with teenaged girls sounds even more dweeby. Outside of internet forums, where one has to always outChristian the others, I don't believe these people exist except in minuscule numbers.

A teen who asks his or her pastor for dating advice like this is asking for a world of disappointment.

 

[Benevolous]

Teens will fall in love, fall out of love, several times a month, get immersed in Drama every day.

I don't believe it's love. I believe it's emotionalism.

Its part of their subculture and its how they learn what adult relationships are as they grow up.

Except that adult relationships aren't anything like that.

A teen "courting" sounds dweeby to me.

That's fine. I understand how Christian principles sound to the world, but it's better to be a fool in your eyes then to be a fool in God's eyes.

A teen who asks his or her pastor for dating advice like this is asking for a world of disappointment.

Yeah, why would a Christian teen who wants to honor Christ ever ask for Biblical counsel?

 

[Ar Cosc]

And you believe that dating is the only way to go about that?

Why can this not be done through courting or merely through friendship?

You were young once yourself, and you must know people interact differently when their parents aren't around. This is part of developing a healthy relationship with people outside your family. There doesn't have to be anything sexual about it.

 

[yasic]

Dating unchaperoned also has the advantage of helping show if someone is abusive. Most abusive people can keep their nature in check when among groups of people and only start the abuse in private... if all dating is with parents until marriage, the victim will have no way to know until it is too late.

 

[Benevolous]

You were young once yourself, and you must know people interact differently when their parents aren't around.

Yes, I do. And that's precisely why we don't allow our children to date unchaperoned.

This is part of developing a healthy relationship with people outside your family. There doesn't have to be anything sexual about it.

There doesn't have to be anything sexual about dating, but there often is. Knowing that our children are (a) sinners with a natural predisposition to sin and (b) teenagers who, as a group, are known to not have the greatest judgement, why would we put them in a situation where they might be tempted to sin or to allow them to do something that sends an implicit message that it's OK?

 

[Benevolous]

Dating unchaperoned also has the advantage of helping show if someone is abusive. Most abusive people can keep their nature in check when among groups of people and only start the abuse in private... if all dating is with parents until marriage, the victim will have no way to know until it is too late.

Yet another reason for the parents to be involved.

 

[MacNeil, D.]

I don't believe it's love. I believe it's emotionalism.

Its more like hormones. That's how it usually works.

Except that adult relationships aren't anything like that.

Right, but you can't get there without putting in the time trying. There's no way on earth a 17 year old can enter into any kind of relationship with the same kind of maturity as someone in his or her 30s can. Teen in love are going to be awkward and make all kinds of stupid social mistakes, including mistaking hormones for love. Its just a rite of passage.

That's fine. I understand how Christian principles sound to the world, but it's better to be a fool in your eyes then to be a fool in God's eyes.

Better the kid have some practical knowledge of how life really is. Character is built through adverse testing and a practical knowledge of why one should act in a particular way. Advising a kid to court a future spouse at age 17 is just going to be a total failure in almost every case.

Yeah, why would a Christian teen who wants to honor Christ ever ask for Biblical counsel?

It will only give the kid a complex if the advice turns out to pose unrealistic goals, such as only go out in friendship or to court.