Should Catholics date Protestants?

Just a reminder: when we are discussing topics close to our hearts, there is a tendency to take undue exception to comments we perceive to be coming from the "other" side. Let us be always gentle in our interactions with one another, and when empathy is not possible, let sympathy guide our reactions. Be good to one another, as God is good to us.

My personal opinion on this topic is as follows :

I could not imagine being soul mates with someone if we could not agree on that one thing which is most important to the soul. How could I love someone so intimately if I could not love their faith, which is single most important thing to a person's heart. How could she love me if she could not share my love for Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and for His mother? Faith IS a major part of who we are. When we marry (and dating is preparation for marriage), we must love 100% of the person we marry. I don't think it would be wise to divide one's heart in such a way.

Likewise, having two parents of different faith has a greater potential to create cognitive dissonance in children. Sure, we promise to raise our children Catholic, but are we honestly going to say Mommy or Daddy is wrong and that it is not acceptable to profess their religion? So you either put down a major part of who one parent is, or you give the impression that it really doesn't matter what religion you profess. Both have the potential to be dangerous to the faith of children.


And sure, things can happen during a marriage--people change--and you must deal with it with love and sacrifice and patience. But it's not right to seek the path to martyrdom--if it happens, you embrace it, but most often you seek the path that will fulfill your vocation best. The principal ends of the vocation to marriage is to produce new members of the Body of Christ and citizens of the Heavenly Kingdom, and to sanctify both spouses through total Christian love in this Holy Sacrament (I know that sounded mechanical, but I don't have the space to go into the detail necessary to draw out the true beauty involved, so that will have to suffice). I just think the best way to fulfill these ends is through marriage with someone else who believes it is a holy Sacrament and who agrees on the one and only narrow path that must be taken to be saved.

On the flip-side, the sacrament of marriage is not to be used as a tool to evangelize the other person. You have to ready to accept a person as they are--going into a marriage hoping to change someone is a recipe for disaster and misery.

I'm not saying a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic can't be done successfully, but I think the risk of problems and strife is magnified greatly by a conflict of faith (especially if both people care greatly about their faith).

I think one reason why the Church changed her discipline and allowed Catholics to marry non-Catholics is because in this age where indifferentism is rampant, Catholics were more likely to sacrifice their faith, than their relationship with a man or woman. At least now, there's a chance that by remaining united to the Body of Christ, the spiritual benefits flowing through It will bring the one to salvation and the other to the saving truth as well.

I'm glad that my wife married a Protestant. But I wouldn't want my children to date one.

My gr gr grandmother was Catholic...
married her Presbyterian Husband, children were Presbyterian.
I married my nonbelieving Catholic husband who comes from a strict Catholic family...
Our children are baptized in the Church that I was bought up in and attend the same denomination that I grew up in as well.
I know his mom has voiced that she wished that her Grandchildren were Catholic(none of her Grandchildren are) but she has never said anything other than that

NewMan99 said:

My wife would kill me if I dated a Protestant.

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NewMan99 said:

Or anyone else for that matter.

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Men!

(can't think of a come back).

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Like any Christian faith, it's better to marry someone that has the same faith as you, but throughout one's life, there are many changes and religion can change as well in one's own life.

but throughout one's life, there are many changes and religion can change as well in one's own life.

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A good point. Why does life have to be such an uncertain venture?

Miss Shelby said:

A good point. Why does life have to be such an uncertain venture?[/color][/size][/font]

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Good question that I've asked many times too. I guess to help us grow in our humanity and spirituality. To help us evolve with having more compassion and kindness and mercy and forgiveness... to be more like Christ. But I don't know. We all are so different and it seems we all react differently to the experiences that life takes us through or that we allow to go through in some situations.

Miss Shelby said:

A good point. Why does life have to be such an uncertain venture?[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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Because God gave us free will. He could have pre-ordained everything we do, but then what would be the point?

NiteClerk said:

Because God gave us free will. He could have pre-ordained everything we do, but then what would be the point?

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yeah, I know. It was pretty much a rhetorical woe is me question. I'd take Eden over this mess any day, what were they thinking?

QuantaCura said:

Likewise, having two parents of different faith has a greater potential to create cognitive dissonance in children. Sure, we promise to raise our children Catholic, but are we honestly going to say Mommy or Daddy is wrong and that it is not acceptable to profess their religion? So you either put down a major part of who one parent is, or you give the impression that it really doesn't matter what religion you profess. Both have the potential to be dangerous to the faith of children.

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With my own health issues...I decided to take my children one day and sat them all down and preached to them.

I gave all to them.
I talked about the history, and the scriptures, and explained it to them.
Then I talked about being lukewarm...and about the 300 fulfilled prophecies of Christ.

How He formed the magistrate, How He gave doctrines and the Holy Spirit.

For at least an hour I taught them everything I could think of.
The question about Protestants came up... to which I said they also love Jesus. Even if they do not have the Church given to us by Christ, they believe fully in what they have been taught and God does not hold them accountable for not knowing.

I was honest that everyone who loves Jesus can go to Heaven.
I once wondered too if Protestants were 'saved' when I started cutting my teeth in the new found grace I have been given.

To which our Lord answered me.
I know it was a prophetic answer. One night I had a dream about my uncle. I dreamed he was sipping tomato soup and I knew it was a friday. He looked haggard. Which meant he would be leaving us soon.

As I was in this room, I heard the Lord tell me 'She is with me, she was a good woman.' And I knew He meant my husband's grandmother who died years before I met my hubby.

I knew when I woke up that my uncle would die on Saturday, and that my hubby's gram was in Heaven.

Well, my uncle died early that Sat morning.
So I do not feel our protestant brethren are doomed. BUT it takes a remarkable person who seeks forgiveness through out their life.

But I also know that the Lord gave us His sacraments to sustain us in grace.

Anyway, I am always teaching them.

One never knows what could happen to them. I want them to remember how important religion is.

Just hope it stays with them for always.

ScottF said:

I was wondering what the official position is for Catholics to date Protestants?

I'm not really looking for personal opinions, rather, I'm looking for the Catholic church's own official position on the matter. Or does the Catholic church even have an official position on this? Any ideas?

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I am not aware if there even is a Church position on dating, but it was explained to me when we got engaged that 1. we had to have children, and 2. they had to be Catholic. There were some other things but I forgot them, ultimately it didn't matter since I decided to become a Catholic.

It was more important for me to take my wife and kids to church with me on Sunday and be there to praise God as a family - rather than sulking in the corner or go to a different denominations' service than my wife and kids because of some long since moot denominational conflict.

united4Peace said:

I know his mom has voiced that she wished that her Grandchildren were Catholic(none of her Grandchildren are) but she has never said anything other than that

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If his mom was devoted, she probably hasn't said anything more because it hurts too much. As anyone who has found something good and true, she'd be wanting that for her children and grandchildren too. Not being able to share the Faith to which her heart is given really hurts.

Since dating is a preparation for marriage, it only makes sense not to "set yourself up" for heartbreak (of falling in love but NOT being able to marry, or of losing one's Faith because you decide that love of a man--or woman--"trumps" your Faith, or of introducing heartache to your parents because they will never be able to share their Faith with their own grandchildren.)

WarriorAngel said:

With my own health issues...I decided to take my children one day and sat them all down and preached to them.

I gave all to them.
I talked about the history, and the scriptures, and explained it to them.
Then I talked about being lukewarm...and about the 300 fulfilled prophecies of Christ.

How He formed the magistrate, How He gave doctrines and the Holy Spirit.

For at least an hour I taught them everything I could think of.
The question about Protestants came up... to which I said they also love Jesus. Even if they do not have the Church given to us by Christ, they believe fully in what they have been taught and God does not hold them accountable for not knowing.

I was honest that everyone who loves Jesus can go to Heaven.
I once wondered too if Protestants were 'saved' when I started cutting my teeth in the new found grace I have been given.

To which our Lord answered me.
I know it was a prophetic answer. One night I had a dream about my uncle. I dreamed he was sipping tomato soup and I knew it was a friday. He looked haggard. Which meant he would be leaving us soon.

As I was in this room, I heard the Lord tell me 'She is with me, she was a good woman.' And I knew He meant my husband's grandmother who died years before I met my hubby.

I knew when I woke up that my uncle would die on Saturday, and that my hubby's gram was in Heaven.

Well, my uncle died early that Sat morning.
So I do not feel our protestant brethren are doomed. BUT it takes a remarkable person who seeks forgiveness through out their life.

But I also know that the Lord gave us His sacraments to sustain us in grace.

Anyway, I am always teaching them.

One never knows what could happen to them. I want them to remember how important religion is.

Just hope it stays with them for always.

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Isn't it wonderful that WE do NOT judge our Brethren in Christ? That truly that JOB is up to the Lord, himself.

In this I find that we have a true kinship with all those that have accepted the Lord and therefore as the Church even teaches should call them Brethren of the Church, even if they are in imperfect communion with Her.

1271 Baptism constitutes the foundation of communion among all Christians, including those who are not yet in full communion with the Catholic Church: "For men who believe in Christ and have been properly baptized are put in some, though imperfect, communion with the Catholic Church. Justified by faith in Baptism, [they] are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers by the children of the Catholic Church." "Baptism therefore constitutes the sacramental bond of unity existing among all who through it are reborn."

When using the Catechism one must cross-reference the catechism to get the full meaning of certain passages. Always.

This is why in choosing a husband and wife yes we must be careful, but that does not necessarily mean that we must always marry within the confines of the Church.

I wonder how many people in here would be up in arms nowadays if I said well blacks and whites shouldn't interminle and marry one another because then they are marrying together two different cultures that cannot understand one another or respect one another? Or irish and italians and what have you......

Same examples apply and it is not compating apples and oranges bcause these things are a part of whom we are as much as our Faith is. They are how we develop traditions we live by and thought processes we grow up with inside of family structures and all of that......

RaggedRobin said:

I wonder how many people in here would be up in arms nowadays if I said well blacks and whites shouldn't interminle and marry one another because then they are marrying together two different cultures that cannot understand one another or respect one another? Or irish and italians and what have you......

Same examples apply and it is not compating apples and oranges bcause these things are a part of whom we are as much as our Faith is. They are how we develop traditions we live by and thought processes we grow up with inside of family structures and all of that......

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Debbie, with all due respect that analogy doesn't work. Please don't try to hitch your wagon with this to inter racial marriages. You said yourself that Faith is important when picking a partner. Protestants are Christians, remember. Would you have married a muslim?

What I have said in this thread is a serious protestant is better than a deadbeat Catholic, as far as dating goes, and I will stand by that, but it is very important to be on the same page as much as possible with matters of faith. My goodness though, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to FIND a single person, Catholic and serious about it.

Debbie, with all due respect that analogy doesn't work. Please don't try to hitch your wagon with this to inter racial marriages. You said yourself that Faith is important when picking a partner. Protestants are Christians, remember. Would you have married a muslim?

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I am refering to the posters in this thread that are making it sound as if marrying or dating a Protestant would indeed be the same as marrying a Muslim.

Now there is a big difference in this, because there is no essential Faith base to begin with. No , I would not have contemplated marrying a muslim because that is comparing apples and oranges, this is my personal opinion.

Maybe in my example I should have been more specific to add that they all were Christians.

Muslims are a different story, Protestants are not confused about who their Lord is. I respect Muslims for various reasons however I for one would never allow one to date one of my children or a relative.

well firstly, i think that the Catholic church, like any denomination, would prefer you to marry within that denomination. however, i think that catholics don't have a problem with marrying protestatns.

secondly, there is a major difference between catholics dating muslims and protestants. when you date a protestant, at least you date someone who uses and follows the Bible! unlike the muslims, who use some made up book.

thirdly, in my personal opinion, i say hey, date whoever! their religious beliefs is just a part of them. if you want to date a jew, date a jew. a hindu, date a hindu. a sikh, date a sikh. it's about what's in the inside.

RaggedRobin said:

I am refering to the posters in this thread that are making it sound as if marrying or dating a Protestant would indeed be the same as marrying a Muslim.

Now there is a big difference in this, because there is no essential Faith base to begin with. No , I would not have contemplated marrying a muslim because that is comparing apples and oranges.

Maybe in my example I should have been more specific to add that they all were Christians.

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I think it's been an interesting discussion. I don't think that anyone has tried to judge others for marrying outside of Catholicism, I know sometimes it's hard to separate that, when we speak in general terms we forget that people have personal situations. But QC made a good point about the children. How can you tell them that both parents are right?

I understand the concerns put forth, and I understand why the Church discourages it. But I have also known of marriages that have worked and I know a lot of good Christians are protestants. So, I don't have all the answers either, I'm just talking out of my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] as usual.

But I don't think anyone is judging you personally Debi, I'm sure you have a good marriage.

kjf512 said:

thirdly, in my personal opinion, i say hey, date whoever! their religious beliefs is just a part of them. if you want to date a jew, date a jew. a hindu, date a hindu. a sikh, date a sikh. it's about what's in the inside.

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If it is about what is on the inside why should you disregard their religious beliefs that are a part of them?