Well, honestly this is what it boils down to. In his Church they say that the preacher (who happens to be his uncle) prays to the Holy Spirit and if the Holy Spirit tells him you aren't a virgin or the relationship in which you are involved in, is not pure, they will deny you the right to wear white. I wonder what the Holy Spirit would tell him for girls who have gained a secondary virginity?
Anyway though, I talked to his sister who is one of my best friends, who also had a baby outside of marriage but repented.
She said that he does that just to scare people. Possibly to scare "God" into them if the couple are engaging in premarital relations before the wedding...
Honey, that sends off major major red flags. G-d is not someone who will bring something back in a malicious harmful way once He has forgiven you. Scripture states that something that is forgiven is blotted out..
That means -- whatever was written there, has been covered and you can't see it anymore.
However, our adversary would like nothing more than for us to be wrapped up in our own insecurities, faults and 'issues' so that we are ineffective to what G-d would have for us, and so we cannot enjoy what G-d has given us.
Let go. Rely on G-d.
If you carry this burden of guilt into your wedding day, you will carry it into your marriage as well. Please do not take this the wrong way, okay? I am going to tell you a hard truth but I do so in love for a sister.
Worrying about what other people think will destroy you. It will destroy your marriage. It will destroy your relationship with God.
You are to concern yourself with what God thinks of you and what your husband thinks of you and nothing else. To do otherwise, in my opinion, is a sin, and an abuse of grace.
When you marry, you will become one with your husband. If you feel carry guilt, then, that guilt becomes his burden as well. Do you want to saddle him with this for the rest of your life? If you do, then, it will become part of your marriage, and it will be something you pass down to your children...
Exactly!
Deal with it now and walk past it, or you will be dealing with it emotionally for many, many years to come.
...There's absolutely no reason why your family, your in-laws, and your guests need to know about your past.:o It's in the past!
This is so true too!
You are free to wear whatever you like, and people are free to complain if they want to. No matter what you do in life, some people won't like it. Of course, I doubt you'll get many complaints about this one. White is the traditional color of a wedding dress. Not many people associate a white wedding dress with virginity. Wearing it shouldn't raise many eyebrows.
Yep! I wore a dress I found at David's Bridal (via many bridal books and magazines I'd gone through) that was white and red. You see me in it in my avatar.
White is a cultural traditon, and in some areas and churches it has come to mean a level of virginity.
Well, to be honest, America is a melting pot and there are so many other traditions as well, and now there are so many splendid wedding dresses to choose from, that you don't have to look jaundiced or out of place in a white or ivory dress!
I was thinking blue or purple, and tried those combinations, but when I put the red/white dress on, it totally changed how I looked and was the perfect match.
DH and I did our wedding quite unconventionally. We had the JP wedding as required here in Germany, and then I filed my paperwork to be legally registered as married in the US. I changed all my paperwork and 9 months later we had our "church wedding" in the US.
Here in Germany it is not uncommon to go anywhere between a couple of days to several years between your JP wedding and church wedding, or to not have a church wedding at all.
Eyebrows were raised and questions asked with how we had ours done, but to meet all legal requirements I had to do the paperwork here in Germany -- DH wasn't living in the US so he didn't meet the requirements for us to file the paperwork legally in the US.
As far as the dresses go, who cares what color it is or where you bought it so long as it fits you and you look wonderful?
Secondly, you do not *have* to be married in a church to have a religious ceremony. You can have it elsewhere and have a pastor or priest or rabbi/cantor officiate -- if people are putting unrealistic binds on you such as this pastor is.
Personally, he should be ashamed of himself...
