Can I Wear a White Wedding Dress if I'm Not a Virgin?

[comana]

It's sad that so much focus is placed on the bride's purity and what color is or isn't appropriate for the wedding. Where is the concern over what the groom wears?

 

[Rebekka]

It's sad that so much focus is placed on the bride's purity and what color is or isn't appropriate for the wedding. Where is the concern over what the groom wears?

Yes, I hate double standards like that.

 

[Adamantium]

Wow, lol....you know there are actually some single ladies on CF that would support this church and find it disgraceful for non-virgins to wear white, lamenting the loss of tradition ( I say good riddance). Of course becaues they are virgins themselves at close to 40 and figured if they payed a price might as well be darn sure the world knows who did and didn't lol.

You know, I think that was really cruel and uncalled for.

I think we can discuss this topic without making fun of anyone.

 

[Captivated]

It's sad that so much focus is placed on the bride's purity and what color is or isn't appropriate for the wedding. Where is the concern over what the groom wears?

Just what I was thinking. Why do we need to know whether the bride is a virgin and not the groom? Why on earth do we need to know whether either is a virgin?

Double standards like that remind me of a young guy I used to work with. We worked in the same branch of a bank and a customer - a doctor - was getting married and retaining her own name for convenience in her practice. He seriously believed that women should be legally obliged to take their husband's name - rather than just taking it out of custom - because otherwise no-one would know whether they were married or not. He didn't seem to think it mattered when it came to men though. I am slow to anger usually but I would get so angry with him so often. From the perspective of years I now put it down to his youth and immaturity.

And a friends' DH who is truly a dinosaur. He believes his son should be sowing his 'wild oats' rather than settling down with his partner and baby son but is constantly on his daughter's case about her boyfriends and what she's getting up to. Where does he think his son should be sowing these wild oats if girls are supposed to be pure? Everyone is someone's daughter.

OK, rant over!

 

[Andry]

Should you or should you not wear white? Only you yourself can really answer that question.

For many religions white has respresented purity and if you are thinking along that line, then the question to ask is are you pure today.

First of all you have repented of your past choices and you are forgiven by God. Secondly, you are currently living a pure life in the sight of God and have stated you are saving yourself for your husband-to-be until the wedding night. So, just based upon who you are today and the life you are living you seem to be pure enough to wear white as anyone else.

The only other thing that stuck out here about the one church requiring one to be a virgin in order to wear white and in my personal opinion I would do one of two things with that. I would number one either not get married by that pastor or church at all or I would be honest that I am not a virgin, but am living a pure life now and would state that I plan to wear white if that was the case.

Nobody is pure on their wedding day, virgin or not, groom or bride.

Matt 5:27-28
"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.'

"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.'"

It's not about just the physical body, but also what's in our hearts. A buddy of mine got married last October, and the bride wore a spectacular red wedding gown.

 

[Rembrandtfan]

Nobody is pure on their wedding day, virgin or not, groom or bride.


A buddy of mine got married last October, and the bride wore a spectacular red wedding gown.

That sounds really pretty. If I could do it again, I would like to wear some shade of red because it's my best color.

 

[Mskedi]

It's sad that so much focus is placed on the bride's purity and what color is or isn't appropriate for the wedding. Where is the concern over what the groom wears?

That's what I was talking about earlier in the thread. I voted for polka-dots for non-virgin grooms.

 

[fuzzymel]

That's what I was talking about earlier in the thread. I voted for polka-dots for non-virgin grooms.

Bright pink!

 

[moonkitty]

That's what I was talking about earlier in the thread. I voted for polka-dots for non-virgin grooms.

Maybe they should wear plaid instead:

 

[Evangelina]

It is not about not feeling forgiven but knowing I gave away something so truly special to the completely wrong person.

I think a LOT of churches completely over-dramaticise this whole 'precious gift of virginity' thing. Sure, it's good to avoid sex outside of marriage. But it's not some magical thing - stay pure, and your sex life will be wonderful! Frankly, sometimes having had sex with someone before marriage can HELP certain aspects of sex together. (*gasp*). If virginity really did that much for a marriage, then people who remarry after the death of their spouse would be stuffed, wouldn't they? Their second marriage would never have the potential to live up to their first.

The gift you give in marriage is NOT what you've done or not done before that. It's the person you've let God mould you into, and a commitment to a future together. Don't buy into the hype. Pay attention, instead, to what the bible says about sex, marriage and remarriage.

 

[Mskedi]

I think a LOT of churches completely over-dramaticise this whole 'precious gift of virginity' thing. Sure, it's good to avoid sex outside of marriage. But it's not some magical thing - stay pure, and your sex life will be wonderful! Frankly, sometimes having had sex with someone before marriage can HELP certain aspects of sex together. (*gasp*). If virginity really did that much for a marriage, then people who remarry after the death of their spouse would be stuffed, wouldn't they? Their second marriage would never have the potential to live up to their first.

The gift you give in marriage is NOT what you've done or not done before that. It's the person you've let God mould you into, and a commitment to a future together. Don't buy into the hype. Pay attention, instead, to what the bible says about sex, marriage and remarriage.

 

[Miles]

You are free to wear whatever you like, and people are free to complain if they want to. No matter what you do in life, some people won't like it. Of course, I doubt you'll get many complaints about this one. White is the traditional color of a wedding dress. Not many people associate a white wedding dress with virginity. Wearing it shouldn't raise many eyebrows.

 

[Yitzchak]

Should a non-virgin Christian bride be able to wear white without complaint?

Ok, this question has probably come up at one time or another, but should a Christian bride, be able to wear white regardless of if she is a virgin or not? In the Church white has always stood for two things. Joy and Purity. Purity is truly not gained on our own but by the grace of God, and the grace of God causes joy as we take part in all things willed by God including Christian marriage.

In 2 Corinthians 5:17 It says "Behold whoever is in Christ is a new creation the old has gone the new has come!" So, it is obvious regardless of any sin committed that purity can be restored. In my boyfriend's Pentecostal church it is rumored anyone who is found not to be a virgin is not allowed to wear white in her wedding ceremony. She must wear a pale pink or some other color.

Is it really fair to make one person's sin public though and another's not, if that person has repented and has been made pure by Christ again? Jesus Christ tells us he makes all things new, and if something is made new again through Christ it is once again pure.

Now, my boyfriend has got me heavily involved in his Pentecostal church and we honestly feel that regardless of him being younger (which has also been an issue) God has sent us to one another and we will one day be married and missionaries together. I made a mistake though in my past that I regret. That has caused me to almost kill myself but I knew I couldn't as a Christian woman.

I had sex outside of marriage before I was with him but I repented and didn't continue. It doesn't bother him though he's a virgin and he sees me as pure again. Still, I have trouble forgiving myself. What is your take? Also, we are not even kissing until we are married, which will be years from now, but we are waiting for even kissing until marriage. Our first kiss will of course be on our wedding day.

You are who God says you are. No more and no less. God says you are pure.....tune in to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to show you just how pure. The Thing is there is absolutely zero double mindedness in God's thinking.It is not kind of pure....it is either 100% pure or 100% dirty......

I don't usually speak this strongly about this kind of thing but my advice is under no circumstances wear a dress that publically symbolizes that you are still stained by sin.....That is like a negative testimony against Jesus.

If you are counted as not worthy to wear the white dress then you are counted as not worthy to be married.It is a package deal and a contradiction.....Your marriage to your husband on this earth is biblically a symbol of our union with Jesus. Jesus is coming back for a church without spot or wrinkle and at the marriage supper of the lamb we will all be dressed in pure white.

To wear white at your wedding based upon your own works of righteousness is to refuse the grace of God. Is your husband marrying a christian woman or an apostate ? you are as pure as pure can be.....

 

[Adela]

I really hate the idea of a color signifying virginity. The whole idea is just sexist. The many isn't advertising his past sexual history, so why do women?

I'm pretty sure you can't gather anything by the color of the wedding dress. Most women wear white and most have had sex.

The idea of giving away an innocent little virgin is a little creepy to me.

 

[revrobor]

I really hate the idea of a color signifying virginity. The whole idea is just sexist. The many isn't advertising his past sexual history, so why do women?

I'm pretty sure you can't gather anything by the color of the wedding dress. Most women wear white and most have had sex.

The idea of giving away an innocent little virgin is a little creepy to me.

I agree that color should not signify whether or not a woman is a virgin. However, I disagree with the idea that being a virgin is "creepy". It is honorable and certainly within Biblical guidelines. It is Satan who has reduced sex to little more than a handshake in the minds of many who choose to indulge permiscuously.

 

[immersedingrace]

I agree that color should not signify whether or not a woman is a virgin. However, I disagree with the idea that being a virgin is "creepy". It is honorable and certainly within Biblical guidelines. It is Satan who has reduced sex to little more than a handshake in the minds of many who choose to indulge permiscuously.

I took her post to mean that she thought it was creepy that the color of a bride's dress gives away the fact (or the belief) that she's a virgin creepy, not that her being a virgin was creepy.

 

[moonkitty]

I took her post to mean that she thought it was creepy that the color of a bride's dress gives away the fact (or the belief) that she's a virgin creepy, not that her being a virgin was creepy.

That is what I thought her post ment as well. I think it's creepy to have people sitting around discussing whether or not a bride is a virgin or not. What's it to them? Its not like they are going to be sleeping with her.

 

[gracepaints]

I sold wedding gowns for several years. I have seen and sold every color under the sun - white, ivory, champagne, blue, red, lavender, pink, GOLD. The tradition of white = virginity doesn't date back any further than the 50s. Our grandmothers and greatgrandmother were wearing ivory and champagne silk or more than likely, a black or blue suit in their pastor's living room.

I personally think it is a really, really STUPID "tradition" - if such a new idea can even be called such. Why not just hang a sign around the bride's neck that says, "Too bad, buddy. Someone had her before you."? A person's sexual past is between them, their spouse and God and no one else's business.

 

[Adela]

I took her post to mean that she thought it was creepy that the color of a bride's dress gives away the fact (or the belief) that she's a virgin creepy, not that her being a virgin was creepy.

That's exactly what I meant. Guess I should have worded it a little better.

 

[immersedingrace]

I sold wedding gowns for several years. I have seen and sold every color under the sun - white, ivory, champagne, blue, red, lavender, pink, GOLD. The tradition of white = virginity doesn't date back any further than the 50s. Our grandmothers and greatgrandmother were wearing ivory and champagne silk or more than likely, a black or blue suit in their pastor's living room.

I personally think it is a really, really STUPID "tradition" - if such a new idea can even be called such. Why not just hang a sign around the bride's neck that says, "Too bad, buddy. Someone had her before you."? A person's sexual past is between them, their spouse and God and no one else's business.

Seriously, many women during war times got engaged, went to the JP or the pastor on the spur of the moment when their bf got called up.

My original choice for a gown was ivory with Champagne. I ended up with a white gown because it fit my budget, my style, and only came in white. Hubby wouldn't have known the difference, it would have been "white" to him. I did have two friends who were adamant that their gowns had to be white at all costs because they figured they "earned" it by remaining pure, but honestly when I see a bride walk down the aisle I don't think, oh, she's wearing white, she must be a virgin or oh my goodness, how DARE she wear white...I just think, how lovely...beautiful bride...beautiful flowers...or sometimes....that's gonna fall off and the girls are gonna make an appearance - but that's usually for the brides maids....

Kind of like the Scarlett letter!