Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
Just say the magic word, weirdo, and I'll stop threadjacking and share my two cents.Nope. You just make me laugh with the way you call people loony or wierdos.
Now, please lets not thread jack. Can you kindly point out all the things you said you saw about the OP that makes the advise given by all the women incorrect and somehow covertly dishonest?
Pls?
Call me 'wierdo' again and I will report you. I consider it rude, but let it slide the first time.Just say the magic word, weirdo, and I'll stop threadjacking and share my two cents.
Weirdo.Call me 'wierdo' again and I will report you. I consider it rude, but let it slide the first time.
Call me 'wierdo' again and I will report you. I consider it rude, but let it slide the first time.
Ok, folks...I posted this on a secular dating forum and got some wide ranging opinions, I just thought it would be nice to get the perspective of Christians as well
"Well, I had a third date with a girl tonight. I took her downtown for a horse and carriage ride (I brought hot chocolate), then we went to the grocery store and got some stuff for dinner before going back to my place to cook it. Everything went fine, we have great conversation and laugh at everything. Before dinner I got out my acoustic guitar and sang her her favorite Christmas song (she'd mentioned this last week). After dinner during the movie we were sitting on the couch and I wanted to put my arm around her. I like this girl, so I want to be closer to her.
Earlier in the night we'd watched a Simpsons episode where somebody yawns and puts their arm around a girl in a comical way. Eventually I did this too, in a joking way but putting my arm around her for real. She was leaning kind of away from me so I really couldn't do it. I took my arm back and said "well, I guess I can't do it unless you get a little closer". She stayed exactly where she was. I couldn't believe that three dates in she wasn't even interested in such an innocuous sign of affection. I've made it very clear to her that I wasn't the kind of guy to grope her, and I had actually already put my arm around her on a previous date.
Well after the movie was over I brought this up because it bothered me, I told her it sends me signals that she's not attracted to me at all. She tells me nobody has ever tried to put their arm around her before, despite her having more relationship experience than I have had, including at least one that was sexual. I didn't understand how she couldn't have a guy try to do this. She told me that she did want me to do it, but after all this she still stays exactly where she is and moves no closer or makes any sign of affection! I'm a guy so I don't mind initiating but I won't force myself on anyone.
Flash forward to the end of the date. I take her home, (I drove both ways picking her up and dropping her off at her home 40+ miles away), and went to kiss her on the cheek when hugging her goodnight...she gave me the ear! Turning the cheek when you don't want to kiss a guy on the mouth I've heard of, but going so far as to deny even the cheek??? She started to say "don't try to kiss me..." and I told her I was trying to kiss her cheek, at which point she says "ohhh that's ok" but I was already walking away.
I just couldn't believe how much effort I've put in to make this girl feel special and she treats me like I have some kind of skin disease when it comes to physical affection, and minute innocent amounts of physical affection at that! She says she is attracted to me but her body language keeps telling me otherwise. What is going on here? As an aside, she's told me she prefers to wait to kiss a guy (on the mouth) until the 4th or 5th date."
Alright, so am I really moving too fast or what's going on there? We are both committed to abstinence before marriage, at least in this relationship, but it's so strange to me that a girl who was actually attracted to me would be so stingy with her affections. I'm beginning to suspect that she's just dating me to have a good time, and doesn't have any romantic inclinations to me at all
I suspect you may be right (re last paragraph), but I think you should give her, and yourself, the benefit of the doubt, so what you can do is scale down on how grand your dates are. Make them simpler...cheaper...and back off on the affection-side of things for now...until at least the 7th date (if you both get that far). She might be a slow starter, so don't write her off just yet.
Bottom line: It's too soon to know for sure whether she's not that into you.
it was my DVD but she wanted to watch it! She actually wanted to watch TV during dinner as well, lol...well I didn't mind that too much. And afterward she wanted to play Grand Theft Auto so we did!
And Gardener, your thinking is about the same as mine...I think I am maybe going too big with the dates, and I will give her a few more dates to open up to me. After that, she's either playing me or she has intimacy issues she should deal with, and either way I don't think I'll want to see her anymore. I'm not expecting huge makeout sessions! I just want to get a little closer to her.
OK, this is the first G101 post in this thread I 100% agree with. Shocking, I know.Cool. Also, try to avoid discussing your 'affection concerns' for now...at least until when you are ready to cut her lose. Talking about it will only cause her to continue to withdraw from you.
Best of luck matey
1) E-mailing every day? Way too often. You clearly have too much free time, and too much free time for her. You're smothering her with attention. Don't do it. For example, I still have a backlog of e-mails, messages, and phone numbers from women going back to... holy moly 2005? I'm SO UNBELIEVABLY BEHIND in getting back to women. I have to pick and choose the ones I care about the most -- the ones I'm attracted to the most.Well we met on the net but had been e-mailing each other every day for about a month and talked several times on the phone for several hours before actually meeting, so we really know a lot about each other. In terms of knowledge of the other person, it seems like we've been on ten dates rather than three.
Quoting for truth. If a woman isn't comfortable with you, she won't be affectionate. The key is to MAKE her comfortable with you ASAP. In other words, BEFORE the first date she should already be smothering you, lol.well that could be the problem. If you've only met a few times in person then she might need some more time to get comfortable enough around you to be affectionate or allow you to be affectionate with her.
*vomit*Another possibility is that she's trying to be extra careful because she is extra attracted to you. She seems very conscious of oher actions, so she's probably taken a great deal of time to consider how she should behave around you - she's thought about it.... so she may be more attracted to you than you might think.
Also, it might be her testing period, so just give her time and vicinity-space.
hahahahaha.Waiting for a wedding day for a kiss? Run!!!
Reporting someone is childish and it's equivalent to running to mommy and daddy instead of handling tension on your own like an adult, and you know this. And like I said earlier in this very long post of mine, I'm only causing trouble with you to illustrate to the OP that a man should be fun-loving, daring, and should not do everything a woman tells him to do.Call me 'wierdo' again and I will report you. I consider it rude, but let it slide the first time.
Quoting for truth.I like your sunflower.
Some guys might say the fellow who started the thread can't take a hint. I suspect this is the case based on the very little information he has offered us. She just doesn't seem to be interested in him beyond going out on his dime.
Thanks for providing it.Horse and carriage ride? Wow, wish that was offered where I live. Need a bigger city for it. But it seems like something I would only do for a long-term girlfriend/fiancee/wife and not a girl this early. At this stage, you should be testing her out to see if she's up to your standards or if she's just like all the other girls out there.
I think you really need to go with your gut on this. Anyways, I have a question: when did you two kiss? You've met up three times already. Did you kiss/make out on the first date? Second? Before the first date? I need more info. 'Cause if she's leaning away from you on your third encounter, something's definitely wrong (read: no chemistry). And even when you explicitly bring it up, she "stayed exactly where she was." Dude, this is significant. Any girl who truly likes you is going to be touching you all the time, even when you don't expect it or want it. She'll find any excuse TO touch you and get closer to you.
It's awesome you play guitar -- a lot of women like musical talent. I'm still learning guitar (not acoustic), but I have lots of piano experience. Anyway, it seems like you were focusing your musical powers with the wrong mentality. It seems like you're trying to "woo" her or "win" her, and those actions scream "NICE GUY."
It's cute that you tried to jokingly put your arm around her like they did in the Simpsons episode, but that automatically made it unoriginal. You're copying another idea (following) instead of coming up with your own ideas (taking the lead).
When you say you "made it very clear to her that" you weren't "the kind of guy to grope her," why did you say this? How did you say it? And why did this even need to come up? Chicks who like you love getting groped, LOL. And they'll do most of the groping. THEY will start the grope war with you.
She also "told you that she didn't want you to do it," -- whoa! If a girl is rejecting your arm, what makes you think she'll NOT reject the whole of your body?
"Flash forward to the end of the date" -- OK, some more flags with this paragraph:
1) If it's this early in any dating phase, don't be her transportation slave/chaffeur. Meet up mutually and both provide your own transportation/escape routes.
2) 40+ miles away? You're nuts. That's over 80 miles on your car. Why not have both people meet up somewhere else? MUTUAL. EQUAL.
3) Kissing a girl at her door is so cliche and cheesy. Avoid it. It's also weird that at date #3 you're only trying to kiss her on the CHEEK. I'm gonna assume you two never even kissed anytime earlier. That spells no chemistry to me. Also, she even said "don't try to kiss me." WHOA! RED FLAG! ABORT! She already rejected your arm, and now she's rejecting your face.
OK, next paragraph:
1) You said you put in soooo much effort and she's only treating you like "some kind of skin disease when it comes to physical affection." Lesson: Don't put in too much effort on a woman, especially this early. Only when she has earned your effort (i.e., she's your girlfriend), should you put in any effort (cuz that means she deserves it).
2) "She says she is attracted" to you but her body language keeps telling you otherwise. While I'm a STRONG believer in honesty (as a Christian), there are still so many liars and hypocrites out there. This girl is a liar and hypocrite. She says she's attracted to you? She's lying. Do you like liars? NO. You shouldn't. If she liked you, her words would match her body language. And they would be positive and awesome.
3) She told you she prefers to wait to kiss a guy until the 4th or 5th date? B-S! Pure B-S. Once again, she may say she's a Christian, but she's telling you another LIE. Reject her. Reject all liars. (But the take-home point here is any girl who really likes you loves getting close to you and would want to kiss you on the first date or even BEFORE the first date. I promise you.)
Next paragraph:
1) You're not moving too fast. You're moving too slow. And erratically. Your changing lanes and going across the median. You're driving in the shoulder.
2) Both commited to abstinence? Maybe you, but she probably isn't. With YOU, yes. LOL. But you'll see her get physical with another guy. Watch it. It's really painful to see. But you should learn from this to minimize future pain.
My first reply in this thread was for this post. I disagree that it's too soon to know. I think there's dozens of signs that you posted about here, and I bet there's HUNDREDS of signs that you missed in person and/or you're not sharing in the original post.
1) You're doing whatever she says. Read the above posts with me and Gardener101. She told me to stop calling her a "weirdo" or she'd "go out and tell mommy and daddy" instead of handling the situation like an adult and not reporting a silly comment in a post. What I was trying to demonstrate with my interactions with Gardener101 is that you should not be a woman's slave. You should be her equal. Don't do everything she says. She's not your boss. Your mistake is she wanted to watch Simpsons, so you did. She wanted to watch TV during dinner, so you did. She wanted to play Grand Theft Auto, so you did. There's two problems with this:
a) You're doing whatever she says.
b) You're not being a man and taking the lead. You're letting HER take the lead. Always.
2) You and Gardener are correct that you're doing "too much too soon." She doesn't have intimacy issues, she IS playing you. You're my Christian brother, so I'm only saying these things to be 100% honest to you, not to hate on you or anything. Anyways, do not "give her a few more dates to open up to you." A girl should be open to you before the first date. Otherwise there's no chemistry. No attraction.
3) If a woman truly liked you, she would want the TV *OFF* during dinner. That way she can focus on the conversation -- the YOU and HER -- rather than have the chit-chat of incessant TV noise in the background. She wanted the TV on during dinner so that she could pay LESS attention to you, and more to anything but you. Huge red flag. If a girl is into the TV more than her date, that's a problem.
OK, this is the first G101 post in this thread I 100% agree with. Shocking, I know.
Only problem is she typed "cut her lose" instead of "cut her loose," but I'll let it slide. I can't expect perfection.
1) E-mailing every day? Way to often. You clearly have too much free time, and too much free time for her. You're smothering her with attention. Don't do it. For example, I still have a backlog of e-mails, messages, and phone numbers from women going back to... holy moly 2005? I'm SO UNBELIEVABLY BEHIND in getting back to women. I have to pick and choose the ones I care about the most -- the ones I'm attracted to the most.
2) Talking on the phone for several hours? Same mistake. This is a GOOD thing if she's your girlfriend, but if this is some random girl, you're giving her too much of yourself by talking on the phone for several hours this early.
3) Beein on 10 dates instead of 3? This is all in your head. This is all your mental fantasy. What truly matters is reality.
Quoting for truth. If a woman isn't comfortable with you, she won't be affectionate. The key is to MAKE her comfortable with you ASAP. In other words, BEFORE the first date she should already be smothering you, lol.
*vomit*
"Extra careful because she is extra attracted to you"??? AlexeiKaramazov, please ignore this advice. It's pretty much the opposite of what's going on. I'm not insulting or attacking trulyliving, I'm only disagreeing.
hahahahaha.
Reporting someone is childish and it's equivalent to running to mommy and daddy instead of handling tension on your own like an adult, and you know this. And like I said earlier in this very long post of mine, I'm only causing trouble with you to illustrate to the OP that a man should be fun-loving, daring, and should not do everything a woman tells him to do.
So neener neener Gardener101.
Quoting for truth.
Wow, this post of mine took like an hour.
Thanks for providing it.
I'll probably read it in depth when I wake up tomorrow.
Does anyone see the hypocrisy in this statement? She thinks it's funny when I call other people loony or weirdos, but she thinks it's "rude" and "unfunny" and "insulting" when I call her a weirdo. Does anyone reading this see the hypocrisy? I can tease other people but not her? I don't think that's fair. She is equal to every other woman out there, not on a pedestal, and I want to emphasize this.Gardener101 said:Nope. You just make me laugh with the way you call people loony or wierdos.
Thanks for reporting me for calling you a weirdo.
As I said at least twice in the above [long] post of mine, I only did it to illustrate some points:
1) to the OP that you shouldn't be afraid to challenge a woman. Don't be a doormat.
2) You said, and I quote:
Does anyone see the hypocrisy in this statement? She thinks it's funny when I call other people loony or weirdos, but she thinks it's "rude" and "unfunny" and "insulting" when I call her a weirdo. Does anyone reading this see the hypocrisy? I can tease other people but not her? I don't think that's fair. She is equal to every other woman out there, not on a pedestal, and I want to emphasize this.
Okay, lets get this straightened out now.
You called one person a wierdo, and then you called another person a loony.
The 'weirdo' person was actually me...you called ME a wierdo, and THEN in less than ten minutes you called someone else a loony. I laughed both times, and when you saw me laughing, you asked why and I explained it.
Then you proceeded to call me a wierdo AGAIN, and I told you okay, you've crossed the line now, it's not funny this time. So I gave you the option to cease doing it, and gave you my reason.
1 Corinthians 13 said:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I agree. It needs to rest. But the fact is I got a PM from Chrisbot, which means she took me way too seriously and now I might have to face *gasp* censorship and unjust punishment on an Internet forum.oy... would you do everyone a big favour and give it a rest guys and take this to PM...
1) I called you a weirdo in another thread regarding your definition of romance and chemistry and for posting things that are completely common sense -- at least common sense to me.
2) I called people who want to wait until their wedding day to be kissed for the first time, and we both see how that's loony.
3) When I called you a weirdo in this thread, it wasn't to insult you or be rude. Just because something is not funny to someone doesn't mean it's harassment or an offense or anything that needs to be reported. What are the mods gonna do? Seriously. As an adult, you should know that you should handle your own problems rather than tattle-telling to someone else. That's very immature behavior. When I called you a weirdo in this thread, I was joking around and not serious. You misread me.
And the crux of it is I was doing it to point out a lesson to the OP that men and women are equal and shouldn't boss each other around. I only used you as a real-time example.
My last point is just because something isn't funny to you doesn't mean you should report that user. What kind of twisted behavior is that? I find a lot of things on this forum "unfunny" or "offensive," but what is the logic behind telling on that person? I take things in stride. I don't get angry easily.
You got offended way too easily, G101, and that's something that doesn't need to happen with me.
I agree. It needs to rest. But the fact is I got a PM from Chrisbot, which means she took me way too seriously and now I might have to face *gasp* censorship and unjust punishment on an Internet forum.
This kinda stuff only happens with people who don't know how to "read me like a book," and it gets frustrating.
I'm only posting this to stand up for myself. That's all.
I really do want to get back on topic, but I feel like the 1+ hour I spent on my long post should have dozens of pointers to learn from.
There's nothing to take to PM. I already said everything I needed to say here. And since you reported me already, the issue is no longer between you or I but between you, I, and a third party, whereas PM is only logically a two-party endeavor.You heard the lady. Lets take this to PM pls.
I find it insightful that most of the women felt the OP should give the girl a chance, and then we have you and Peacemonger on the other side of the fence.I think this thread should merge with the one about the guy looking for a girl who is NOT psycho!
Coach
Good, we're back on topic.I find it insightful that most of the women felt the OP should give the girl a chance, and then we have you and Peacemonger on the other side of the fence.
Peacemonger, your mega reply had a lot of good pointers and advise, but some of it were too harsh and totally wrong. You accused that girl of lying...it's just your opinion....and you could be wrong.
Okay, I'll do that.Good, we're back on topic.
I would really appreciate that you not reply back to my long reply with a generic one-liner that it was too harsh or totally wrong. I want you to quote me specifically and tell me exactly what you mean. That way I know specifically what you disagree with.
Quote and multi-quote my long reply and elaborate what you mean. I don't think I was harsh at all. I'm saying it how it is, completely truthful. When words are overtly fake to me, I say that woman is a liar or hypocrite. Jesus called out hypocrites, and so will I.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?