Sharing Todays Thoughts

[Theresasjourney]

Feel free to share your daily growing/healing thoughts in this thread...
Here is what I journaled today..

***I wonder how many of us get caught up in indentities..identities that we feel define who we are...and that are actually not who God really wants us to be indentified with...that they really don't define us as a true child of God...
Hard to put my thoughts into words here..
Like for yrs..my identity has been as a wife...a mother..a survivor.. an advocate...a Fila..a forum owner...a employee..a Christian [by church define or self defined]...and those jobs actually defined me...I took/take on their identity..thats gets all emeshed and distorts me..a child of God and who He would define me to be...
So one by one I feel called to lay down those identities and the masks of them to become more His child and then carry over my God identity into those areas of my life...
some how..someway..it takes ones life in a 180% turn in the identity area and how we perceive ourselves and interact with life and people...
As humans we wear too many masks for various reasons..we become part of the mask and loose our God given identity..I am still processing all of this..I made some horrible hurtful mistakes in my identity crisis..and I am greiving that...
but the purity of Gods love in ones heart is the evidence of forgivenenss and repentance...and having no other gods before Him..
So who am I now...I am Theresa a child of the king the most high God..the only true God and I am in process of a new identity in Him as Theresa...His child...what does a child of the most high God look like..we are to be as children in faith and He is our Father...He teachs me out of His love and forgiveness...let my heart be soft and suptle to Him and His teaching for me Theresa...
Today as His child in church I felt like His child..I was singing...true joy was stirred..I was jumping up and down..clapping my hands..He is my God..and in Him I will rejoice. So today as His child I learned part of my identity is childlike joy and that I can jump and clap in His presence...
awesome...
As His child I am called to many things...I pray that each calling is refined in me to His fullest as I lean into His presence..not mans.

 

[Yasha]

This meditation blessed me. Today was a sort of blackhole for me as a survivor. My husband and I fought about his abandoning his counseling, my growing difficulty in sharing his load and my own desire to begin some group participation with a survivor focus. He wants me to go to marriage counseling...I refused...I really think it is just another effort to get the focus off of himself with his own counselor. He always bolts when he gets this far with a counselor...I'm not helping him this time. He needs to be out there on his own with this. I am going to secure some face time support for me. I don't like the erosion of my spirit in all these years. My endurance is waning. I want off this endless excuse train.

Reading your post, got me to thinking of the many MEs that I love in the Lord. The many ones that enjoy life and living and rise above the environment around me that abuses me. I want to inhabit these places in Jesus...and I want some support to stay in them. I want someone to share this burden with and I want someone to mirror my pain and my brokeness back at me and help me find the logs in my eyes. My husband may never recover more fully than he has and the weight of him is crushing me.

I want someone who can share the load before I become so weighted down that my tongue and actions join this swill I occupy sometimes. I need an ally or two that will keep me honest and bring accountability to my role and to my husband's. He ( and I ) are more mindful of ourselves when there are others learning of our actions and words. This forum does not hold that sway over my husband's behavior like the accountability of a community in the flesh does. If he wants to abandon his counseling and try to cloud it with marriage issues, that's fine. Not me. I am not going to waste anymore time catching another therapist up on the realities in this family. My husband knows it takes months of work to regain the ground he is currently abandoning with his counselor.SO, I REFUSE TO BE HIS DISTRACTION. I'm getting help for me to live next to his brokeness. I can't do it anymore.

Me,me, me...I know that this sounds like a really selfish post. Sometimes we need to be selfish to protect ourselves from being harmed more than we can stand.

Whatever,tomorrow, the hunt for a group of survivors begins. Pray I succeed if you want to. I'll appreciate it.

 

[Theresasjourney]

Awesome thoughts you shared today..
I hear that you also are on a quest to be all that you can be in Christ and take that identity and all that entails for you into your life challenges...I think the meditations of this thought with Gods help can truly change/effect our life interactions....and that somehow it grows within us Godly wisdom also to draw on in our life challenges...
I pray you find that group...group resources were very helpful to me on my journey..the validating and all.
Today I take a stand on growing in my identity in God..I will not have my abusers hold any identity over me..I am an overcomer and victorious in Christ.
I take a stand in my identity in Christ and carry that over into being a wife..a mother..a gramma..a friend...a supporter..a employee..a neighbor...whatever my life entails...that Christs identity in me will reign over all other identities that try and pull my down...
Wahoo...!!

 

[Yasha]

I have an appointment for an individual eval on Monday to begin work in an abuse survivors group....I hope this leads me somewhere I can rest myself. I DID IT!

 

[Theresasjourney]

No doing very well today....Lord help me! Give me your wisdom your peace.....

 

[Yasha]

amen

 

[Theresasjourney]

amen

Happy Birthday..;o)
How are you doing at finding a group for support?

 

[GuineaP]

I was wondering how it went today, too, for you Shachah.

Lots of birthdays this week!

My thought for the day:

Sometimes when I seem very far away, it's because I long to be with God alone. When only God is in my heart I am at peace. I am safe. I am loved.

It is still sometimes very hard for me to allow people into my heart. They do hurtful things, some - on purpose, so they might feel strong? some- because they cannot see what they are doing to others. some- (I myself am guilty) to keep others at a safe distance. There are so many reasons to hurt others- but none of them are good, justified, or needed.
When I go there, to be with God alone in my heart, where I am safe, where I feel loved, where "I" am important - I know that His love is not just for me, but for all. He wants to wipe away the tears of all people, to give them all rest, victory, joy that comes from having hope. So many people have no hope and this is their pain. I am reminded of His words, given to us by Peter "live such good lives, that people will know you are children of God". And I must go back to people, and I must be kind, I must care, I must be compassionate and forgiving. I know this is how I serve my Lord- I will love the Lord my God with all my heart, and I will obey His commands. I will do unto others as I would have them do unto me, I will forgive them when they are not able to do the same - I will ask for forgiveness and strength when I am too weak to do this for them and I will go to God and be healed that I may come back my strength renewed and hope restored. For the sufferings that we have now are nothing to be compared to the glory that will be shown to God's children.(Paul/Romans)

Today is yet another opportunity to serve the Lord.