Shallow

[Weasel7711]

My other thread got me thinking about being shallow. I use to weight 285 lbs and a man would never get past looking at me. I don't think I was unattractive, I was just fat, which I guess is not very attractive now is it?

Even when I was fat I would not seriously date a guy I didn't think was attractive and I didn't want a fat guy like me. I met and went out with for a while this guy who was wonderful to me, he treated me like a princess but I wasn't physically attracted to him. That and he was a nice guy and I didn't know how to handle that.

Finally I have realized that there is more to a person than looks. I finally just want someone who loves the Lord, that will work (bad experiences with the ex-husband), who loves me, loves my daughter and will be good to us.

It took me 36 years to get over being shallow, but I think I am finally there.

I dont think wanting to be attracted to someone physically is shallow, its the way God designed us. Its when we nit pick at the small things and choose physical beauty over a brain or a kind heart and not a mix of all of them.

 

[Eph429]

I've been reading these posts and have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's point of view. Amazing how everyone is different. Imagine we were all the same, would be boring

I have dated good looking men and not so good looking men. There has to be that "something" about him that would attract me to him, be it his smile, his eyes, his hands, his mannerism, the way he walks, or the way his shirt pulls across his chest . I believe that the Lord did put feelings of attraction in our systems for a reason. Sorry to be so blunt, but I would never be able to make love to a man I was not attracted to, whether he be hot or not . And being a child of God, I steer away from the dating game.

But more importantly it would be his relationship with the Lord and his relationships with people, that would put the cherry on the cake.

MuchLoved
J

 

[Gimpy]

I've been reading these posts and have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's point of view. Amazing how everyone is different. Imagine we were all the same, would be boring

I have dated good looking men and not so good looking men. There has to be that "something" about him that would attract me to him, be it his smile, his eyes, his hands, his mannerism, the way he walks, or the way his shirt pulls across his chest . I believe that the Lord did put feelings of attraction in our systems for a reason. Sorry to be so blunt, but I would never be able to make love to a man I was not attracted to, whether he be hot or not . And being a child of God, I steer away from the dating game.

But more importantly it would be his relationship with the Lord and his relationships with people, that would put the cherry on the cake.

MuchLoved
J

You are very wise EPH

 

[joanna1]

Excluding that the only right choice is God's choice, let's just say people have to pick their own mates. Those who pick an attractive person with 90% of an amazing personality over an unattractive person with 100% of an amazing personality are complete and total fools. When the time comes and you realize you are spending every single day with your new spouse, I guarantee if you're developing and growing, you'll realize how little the outside matters, and how important the inside does. I'd take an unattractive girl that's amazing inside over an attractive girl that's just great inside any day of the week.

I think that's very true - lets face looks get pretty boring really quickly when having to deal with a person on a daily basis.
I've found that when i'm attracted to someone anyway, i turn into qualities all the person's physical flaws - like overweight becomes "cuddly", and receeding hairline becomes "cute"; whereas when i'm not attracted to a person's personality, even if they're really good- looking, the mere fact they tuck their t-shirt into their trousers rather than leavng it out becomes extremely irritating.

 

[Luther073082]

I've been reading these posts and have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's point of view. Amazing how everyone is different. Imagine we were all the same, would be boring

I have dated good looking men and not so good looking men. There has to be that "something" about him that would attract me to him, be it his smile, his eyes, his hands, his mannerism, the way he walks, or the way his shirt pulls across his chest . I believe that the Lord did put feelings of attraction in our systems for a reason. Sorry to be so blunt, but I would never be able to make love to a man I was not attracted to, whether he be hot or not . And being a child of God, I steer away from the dating game.

But more importantly it would be his relationship with the Lord and his relationships with people, that would put the cherry on the cake.

MuchLoved
J

Now what do you mean by avoiding the dating game? Do you mean you only really go out with people you know pretty well already?

Because I actually prefer to get to know someone before I go out with them or something.

 

[eugeneandbobo]

i look for attraction. not exactly in the same sense others do, but i do have standards or certain things that attract me...

i look for those things. i don't think its being shallow, i just think of it as opinionated. maybe im wrong?

 

[RED that's ME]

People really put tooo much emphasis on outward looks, not saying that's always a bad thing either.

All it takes is one bad car wreck or another accident that can permanently disfigure someone and their life is forever changed. Does that make them less valued as a person?
I heard of a woman who was in a bad car wreck and it totally disfigured her face & body. It was bad enough that happened, but on top of that her husband who supposedly loved her divorced her cause she didn't have the *look* he desired any more. Billion of dollars are spent each year (17 billion just on makeup) to have the *right* look in makeup, clothing, cosmetic surgeries.

I'm not saying we shouldn't take care of our bodies and look the best we can but we need to keep a balance in our lives.

Even if a person is outward beautiful, how long will they look that way really.

Some people say after a certain age that person loses their outward beauty. You can look at the model industry or Hollywood to see that's true.

I know a lot of outward gorgeous people according to world standards but ugly inside.

The whole package deal with that IMO makes the person not that great.

I also know some people who might not rate at the top of the beauty scale outwardly but inside is a gorgeous person who people love to be around.

People get tooo stress over having *the look* and letting Satan bring them down to cause bad self-worth & depression that leads to other problems. Too many girls beat themselves up cause of not having the right look even to the point of harming their own bodies cause of it.

The Bible says, scripture is like a mirror. We can look in it, to learn how we actually look and what we need to fix.

I don't know why God made such a variety of hair colors, faces, sizes, personalities etc.....

He still says in Psalms 139:14 that we are fearfully & wonderfully made.

1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”


Real beauty is inside the person and affects others positively. I Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Real beauty is found in the Lord. Psalms 90:17, "And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us.

Inner beauty is far more important. Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies"

Inner beauty won't ever fade or lose it's value & only improve.

Even better....it pleases God and we will be rewarded for it one day.

 

[Im_A]

people also put way too much emphasis on personality. people never stay the same. could you imagine falling in love with someone and marrying them becauase you fall in love with who they are at let's say in their mid 20's and no one stays the same person in 5 years, let alone with 10 plus.

i wish i could believe that inner beauty won't ever fade. thing is i can't, because experiences/life can kill inner beauty, or make it fade. i've seen it happen.

 

[Gardener101]

Congrats! Makes my day to hear that. Goal is love someone for who they are, now what they look like. What good are all the looks if person has no soul.

You know, its not always either or. You can get both

 

[Eph429]

Now what do you mean by avoiding the dating game? Do you mean you only really go out with people you know pretty well already?

Because I actually prefer to get to know someone before I go out with them or something.

What I meant was, that I don't date, because no-one asks me out , hence I "avoid" it. If you would like to know really why, I've made a post in the Mature Singles Forum, "Single...What no Man?"

MuchLoved
J

 

[Eph429]

Red That's Me, where did you get your smilies? I absolutely adore them........................

 

[Gardener101]

Red That's Me, where did you get your smilies? I absolutely adore them........................

Red's no longer online so I'll answer for her.

http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml

Basically to find out you just have to use your mouse to select the smiley in her post and find the link location for it.

I hope that helps

x

G101

 

[albinoboy101]

people also put way too much emphasis on personality. people never stay the same. could you imagine falling in love with someone and marrying them becauase you fall in love with who they are at let's say in their mid 20's and no one stays the same person in 5 years, let alone with 10 plus.

i wish i could believe that inner beauty won't ever fade. thing is i can't, because experiences/life can kill inner beauty, or make it fade. i've seen it happen.

its funny to read everyones posts and how everyone has at least a little bit different of a personality. something i learned from my last relationship is physical beauty can grow on you, if you love the person for who they are. my ex gf, dont get me wrong i still think shes pretty, but after we had dated for a while, getting to know her better and how amazing she is/was, i began to be more and more attracted to her in every aspect. so an initial physical attraction doesnt mean too much to me.

and what the heck are you supposed to look for in someone if their physical attractiveness can diminish, their inner beauty can fade, they will be completely different people in 5 years much less 10. im watching for some possibilities out there, but if everything can change and fade, how does anyone manage to stay married?

 

[Eph429]

Red's no longer online so I'll answer for her.

http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml

Basically to find out you just have to use your mouse to select the smiley in her post and find the link location for it.

I hope that helps

x

G101

Ta G101

 

[PureSolace]

When God created humans... He needed a way to garuntee that they procreate. In His ultimate wisdom and design, He created a hook. That hook is attractiveness. In the Bible it's refered to as "The Desire of your eyes". It's a holy thing! Peace.

 

[Im_A]

its funny to read everyones posts and how everyone has at least a little bit different of a personality. something i learned from my last relationship is physical beauty can grow on you, if you love the person for who they are. my ex gf, dont get me wrong i still think shes pretty, but after we had dated for a while, getting to know her better and how amazing she is/was, i began to be more and more attracted to her in every aspect. so an initial physical attraction doesnt mean too much to me.

and what the heck are you supposed to look for in someone if their physical attractiveness can diminish, their inner beauty can fade, they will be completely different people in 5 years much less 10. im watching for some possibilities out there, but if everything can change and fade, how does anyone manage to stay married?

manage to stay married? i imagine that people fall in love with the person, and fall out of love with their own desires because that person is so much better. and then as time goes, they keep on falling in love with the person. they want each other for a lifetime so they accept it all. the good of the person, the bad of the person. when the relationship gets rocky they don't jet out because it's bad, they fix it up and when it's good they make it beter.

that's my only guess.

 

[Luther073082]

manage to stay married? i imagine that people fall in love with the person, and fall out of love with their own desires because that person is so much better. and then as time goes, they keep on falling in love with the person. they want each other for a lifetime so they accept it all. the good of the person, the bad of the person. when the relationship gets rocky they don't jet out because it's bad, they fix it up and when it's good they make it beter.

that's my only guess.

The girl I currently have my eye on I thought she was rather unattractive in the face when I first saw her and now I think its a beautiful sight. I think for some reason attraction to another person's personality can carry over into physical attraction as well. Also I think as we get older we are naturally still attracted to people our own age. When I was a teenager, most women over 30 wheren't that good looking. Now that I'm older I think most women between 30 and 40 are quite attractive.

 

[Eph429]

Now that I'm older I think most women between 30 and 40 are quite attractive.

Compliment received