Shallow guy....

[12Joseph12]

Hello everybody. Well, I will go straight to the point. I’ve dating a girl for seven years now (I know that is a bunch of time…but let’s keep the track). I will be as honest as possible. When we started dating, that was not the best day of my life. I was pretty depressed at that time and I was afraid to be alone…So I met her…I didn’t find her attractive but she pretty nice with me. So we started dating. I was pretty young and immature at the time( I was not a good catholic). Years later we sleept toguether…And that made us closer…we stopped doing because we were afraid of pregnancy and everything…but we always had “hot” nights, without getting to far…Now seven years later I realized that what I did was not nice…I really repented it. I should not have done that…I realized that is no the God’s way…how bad…I feel shame on what I did…But I want to change..I want to become a better person. So I started to analyze my life…How come I started dating a girl I really didn’t like? Now she is my best friend we go out toguether….Now here is the question….My eye trick me…sometimes I think she is atractive…sometimes not… And she doesn’t make ANY effort to change that …I don’t think her smile is the most beatiful one, but I really prefer when she is smilling and I am always comparing her to the grils around me…I really can’t understrand my feelings. …I had problem with pornography before and I keeping comparing her with those girls from the movies. Not only from the movies, but with the girls on the streets…I pray, and pray so I can understand my feelings for her…But she is nice, she is crazy about me and she the person I like to spend time with but I am not sure she is the one...…I feel terrible, because I figured out how shallow I am…I feel really terrible about it. But I really wanna change it. Does anybody have a experience top share? Some advice?

Thanks

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Wow! That sounds like a tough situation. I really do not have too, too much advice that I can offer you except to just continue to pray, and pray that God would show you what you need to do. By staying with someone you are not completely in love with you are being unfair to yourself, and especially to her. You need to be 100% completely honest with yourself and with her. If you do not feel that she is the one that you are supposed to be with then you need to be honest with her, and tell her that. I am not really sure what else to say, but I will be praying for you and your GF.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I've heard this is a common problem for men who have struggled with porn.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice other than to pray about it a LOT!

 

[Sketcher]

Read "Every Young Man's Battle." Learn and practice what is preached in that book. Towards the end of the book, there's a testimony of a guy who did have a lust problem and was thinking of dumping his long-term GF for someone, anyone better. But he got to work on his lust, controlled where his eyes went, and his lady was looking so much better to him. They got closer as a result. They may have married by now, I don't know.

 

[peanutbutter12]

Hello everybody. Well, I will go straight to the point. I’ve dating a girl for seven years now (I know that is a bunch of time…but let’s keep the track). I will be as honest as possible. When we started dating, that was not the best day of my life. I was pretty depressed at that time and I was afraid to be alone…So I met her…I didn’t find her attractive but she pretty nice with me. So we started dating. I was pretty young and immature at the time( I was not a good catholic). Years later we sleept toguether…And that made us closer…we stopped doing because we were afraid of pregnancy and everything…but we always had “hot” nights, without getting to far…Now seven years later I realized that what I did was not nice…I really repented it. I should not have done that…I realized that is no the God’s way…how bad…I feel shame on what I did…But I want to change..I want to become a better person. So I started to analyze my life…How come I started dating a girl I really didn’t like? Now she is my best friend we go out toguether….Now here is the question….My eye trick me…sometimes I think she is atractive…sometimes not… And she doesn’t make ANY effort to change that …I don’t think her smile is the most beatiful one, but I really prefer when she is smilling and I am always comparing her to the grils around me…I really can’t understrand my feelings. …I had problem with pornography before and I keeping comparing her with those girls from the movies. Not only from the movies, but with the girls on the streets…I pray, and pray so I can understand my feelings for her…But she is nice, she is crazy about me and she the person I like to spend time with but I am not sure she is the one...…I feel terrible, because I figured out how shallow I am…I feel really terrible about it. But I really wanna change it. Does anybody have a experience top share? Some advice?

Thanks

I think that first, you need to look at the reasons you started dating her because they were the wrong ones. From what you said, you were depressed and she came along and filled a gap where you felt empty. Also by what you've said, it could have been anyone, just as long as it was someone.

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if you love her? Keeping in mind that love is a decision you make, it's not a feeling. 7 years is a long time, but if you aren't in love with her, the sooner you break it off, the better it will be for the both of you in the long run. What is she like? Is she someone who would make a good wife? Somoene who would honour and cherrish you? Someone who would do anything for you within her ability?

As far as the comparison issue, it's not abnormal to compare your girlfriend to other people, but you need to find out where your heart is at in all this. If you do not love her, then you need to end it despite how she feels about you. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to continue a one sided relationship. With the pornogrophy issue, I think you really need to work yourself out of it to where you aren't watching it anymore. After a while, you will probably stop comparing her to those girls.

Good luck

CJ

 

[Hope_0004]

It doesn't sound like you love her, or you wouldn't be wondering if she's good enough (i.e., attractive enough, bright enough, independent enough) to be with you. That's not something one considers about a person that they are in love with.

Still it seems that you do have (confused) feelings about her. If you know that she's crazy about you, and that you are not feeling the same toward her, I think the best thing would be to quit being around her. I know that others will disagree, and say you can still be the best of friends, but I think it is too complicated.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. Take it or leave it.

 

[ByLoveAndGrace]

Without reading the other posts, I have two things to say:

1. If you love her, you will know you love her, and there should be no doubt in your mind whether or not she's the girl.

2. You should never, ever compare your SO, with any other girl, if she's is your best, then she's better than any other girl. BUT, if you do compare her, chances are, you are looking for something different, and you really don't care about her as much as you think you do. Also, you need to pray about the comparisons with porn stars, no girl should ever have to be stooped so low, as to be compared to a porn star, they are not real people in your life, they are there to be attractive, they aren't genuine. A genuine girl, is more attractive for her personality.

I have to say, if you really can't say you love her, and know that you want to stay with her, and you can't quit comparing her to other girls, then you are just hurting her in the long run. That's harsh.

 

[sjdennis]

Pray about it. When I met my wife we were attracted from the start, and it was pretty obvious very soon to us that we were to marry. I did have some confusing feelings at times, but overall I felt she would make a good wife. This was God speaking. Pray and ask Him to reveal His will to you.

Pray

Pray

Pray