Sexual struggles rooted in past

[Christownsme]

When I was very young, I masturbated often to relieve stress in my life. When I turned 19, and I didn't know the Lord very well, I had sex with a 31 year old lady. But after one night with her, I was feeling guilty and shamed, so I do believe the Holy Spirit was working on me right then. I begged her to reconsider not to have sex and rather have a friendship. She cried a lot and I didn't draw my boundaries, and we had sex off and on for a year until the Holy Spirit gave me clear enough eyes to part ways.

Right away I had my first manic episode, part of bipolar manic/depression. For the next 13 years, I hoarded pornography. I began to really depend on it to relieve stress. But I knew it was wrong, and tried to quit several times.

Finally I started getting Christian pschotherapy along with my psychiatry.

These days, I struggle with my sexuality in several ways.. first, pornography seems so much more evil than before, but I'm still prone to fall now and then. Getting up is that much harder. Second, I prayed that whoever I meet in the future be supportive of me spiritually. Well, I love my current girlfriend very much, but she feels neglected if we don't have sex. And I'm torn up and feel abused in the process. She's a Christian, but she doesn't see the big deal. I battle guilt from it, and she battles frustration.

If anybody has any ideas, please share them here.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Sounds like some Christian counsel might be in order for the relationship. If you're feeling guilty about your sexual relationship, then I would listen to it - sounds like the Holy Spirit is prompting you to make that change in your life.

It's difficult to go back and change a boundary once you let it slide, I realize. I think I'd try to hold firm to that boundary, because one temptation can lead to another... one boundary broken can lead to another.

Do you have a porn blocker on your computer to help you hold your boundaries when it comes to not viewing porn? Do you have an accountability partner - someone you can be honest with who will confront you and encourage you on staying away from it? Accountability is a great support system.

Are you familiar with Celebrate Recovery? It's a support group you might want to see if they have near you. It's a Christian support group for all types of issues, including pornography.

s

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Whenever you feel the urge to watch porn, pray. Turn to Jesus. Ditch Satan and his attacks.

Secondly, pray for your future spouse, whoever it may be. Pray that she is clean and a true follower. Pray that she is strong and loves God very much. Praying for someone that you don't know is a blessing.

Also, cut your ties with your girlfriend. It may do you some good to spend time alone with God than someone who tempts you.

Bless you in the name of Jesus Christ.