Sexual question that I'm curious Over

[Waffles007]

Hey all

I'm not married but was wondering about something

Is it considered lustful or wrong once married to touch while thinkin of your spouse ?

This maybe a simple yes no answer but would to hear thoughts

 

[gracefulone1980]

Thinking of your spouse, I would *think* no.

 

[PrinceOfPeace75]

Hey all

I'm not married but was wondering about something

Is it considered lustful or wrong once married to touch while thinkin of your spouse ?

This maybe a simple yes no answer but would to hear thoughts

Hi Waffles,

The issue of masturbation is taboo for many people so I can imagine that many people would frown on it being carried out even after being married. In principal, I don't think there is any problem with it being done in the context of marriage, especially if the person masturbating is fantasizing about his/her spouse. Now, the issue for me goes beyond whether it is right or wrong to commit the act. I would be curious as to why the person is masturbating, that is, pleasuring himself/herself, rather than spending the time and energy pleasuring his/her partner. Of course, there are certain specific circumstances that may cause this behavior: the couple might be physically apart from each other at the time, the women is menstruating, the woman is pregnant or just had a baby, etc. These situations would seem to make such behavior understandable, if not justified. But if the two are together under the same roof at the time, fully able to have sex with each other, and one is off in a corner masturbating, isn't there something wrong with that picture? It could be a sign that there are certain issues that the couple needs to sort out with regard to their relationship (which goes beyond their sex life).

So, in summary, while in principal I think it is acceptable, it could be a warning sign for other problems in the marriage.

God bless,
JR

 

[A2597]

Hi Waffles,

The issue of masturbation is taboo for many people so I can imagine that many people would frown on it being carried out even after being married. In principal, I don't think there is any problem with it being done in the context of marriage, especially if the person masturbating is fantasizing about his/her spouse. Now, the issue for me goes beyond whether it is right or wrong to commit the act. I would be curious as to why the person is masturbating, that is, pleasuring himself/herself, rather than spending the time and energy pleasuring his/her partner. Of course, there are certain specific circumstances that may cause this behavior: the couple might be physically apart from each other at the time, the women is menstruating, the woman is pregnant or just had a baby, etc. These situations would seem to make such behavior understandable, if not justified. But if the two are together under the same roof at the time, fully able to have sex with each other, and one is off in a corner masturbating, isn't there something wrong with that picture? It could be a sign that there are certain issues that the couple needs to sort out with regard to their relationship (which goes beyond their sex life).

So, in summary, while in principal I think it is acceptable, it could be a warning sign for other problems in the marriage.

God bless,
JR

This pretty much sums up my views. Not wrong, but not right either. Now, if say one partner was away on a business trip for a week or something I could see it... but if you are both in the same house? Just wait a few hours until evening. LOL

 

[Waffles007]

Should have been more specific

That's what I meant like if he goes away for work for a week or weekend otherwise it would be sex with each other lol not one off into corner that to me isn't realy right either lol

 

[dayhiker]

No is the simple answer ...

The fun answer is thinking about how to have your spouse involved when the two of you aren't able to do it together.

 

[sourdough]

IMHO, it's not wrong AT ALL.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Gopd created sex for a reason. So one think that masturbation is ok when married because its impossible to lust as a sin when you are married to that person.

Or for a better example lets say your husband goes out of town on buisness for a few weeks. And during this time you have those urges. To me that would be ok to do since again you are married.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Masturbating while thinking of your spouse when there is no trouble between the spouses and in such cases as separation or physical problems is not only OK but is advisable and wise!.

Helps keep down unwanted thoughts and temptations

 

[LinkH]

Is it considered lustful or wrong once married to touch while thinkin of your spouse ?

This maybe a simple yes no answer but would to hear thoughts

You'd better not be doing that while thinking of my spouse.

 

[iambren]

Before marriage mb is ok.

After marriage mb is NOT ok, if you use it to avoid your spouse.

 

[Worcester Beacon]

I can't see any reason people shouldn't, after all you're not lusting after another man/woman because of the committment through marrige to them.

 

[jminnesota]

nothing wrong with masterbating at all it is normal and healthy as long as it dont overtake your sex with your own spouse. if you like masterbating more then sex with your wife then that would be an issue

 

[LivinInFaith]

Like others have said - with certain boundaries in place, I don't think that it is wrong.
However, I also think that this is something that your spouse needs to think is okay too. During my pregnancy I had something called HG (helpher.org if your curious) - sex was just not an option for the whole nine months. At one point DH came up and asked if I was okay if he took care of himself every now and again until that part of our relationship was doable again. It was an awkward conversation, but I love him so much more for cherishing me enough to get my permission. If it is something that you feel the need to hide from your spouse, then it is not okay because it could be the first brick in any web of secrets that just causes problems in a marriage.

 

[iambren]

Married couples can have sex where the husband cums first thus leaving his wife frustrated. No harm in having her mb to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] with hubbie tenderly by her side kissing or whatever.

I think we Christians make way, way to much worry over mb IMHO.

 

[dayhiker]

Good point Livinfaith.

I agree iambren, just because one person can't have sex doesn't mean they can't help the other enjoy their of masturbation.

 

[Tangled24]

I don't think its wrong. Then again I am married to someone in the military and we have spent a literal year apart before so you know...

As long as its done with your spouse in mind I do not see anything wrong with it. Heck, get them involved in conversation too

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Before marriage mb is ok.

After marriage mb is NOT ok, if you use it to avoid your spouse.

^that^

The bible says your wifes body is yours and your body is hers. Meaning when it comes to sex you should not use sex as a tool against your spouse. If you are not happy with something they did, do not hold back on sex to torture them. Because that leads to other marital issues like cheating and so on.

If you end up MB more then you have sex (medical issues aside of course) then it means something is not right. Unless of course you are MB with/for each other.

I had a recent conversation where a woman was saying she prefers MB with toys over having sex with her husband. She wanted peoples opinion on it. I told her first off I didn't need to know that lol, secondly if my wife prefered toys over me... I would feel offended. Its one thing to use them when together. Its another to use them INSTEAD of your spouse.

This is also why I say if you are going to marry, make sure you take your time to explore each other and get to know what works. Because if not MB will become a big problem since someone may not feel fufilled in terms of pleasure. I may be one of the exceptions because I don't care about my pleasure as much as I do my future spouses pleasure.

Although studying to be a doctor I came ot realize most women get frusterated because men like to enjoy sex until they feel the pelasureable moment, then lstop having sex and leave the woman feeling like she got nothing out of it. Hence all the "minute men" and "had sex, fell asleep" jokes. They may be jokes, but its real problem with men.

 

[jminnesota]

if you and your spouse are apart for a while say business trip or army etc. nothing wrong with masterbating dreaming your with your spouse. to me as long as masterbating does not take over love making i mean if you mastetbate more then you make love to your spouse then that is an issue but if you just do it now and then i dont see the big issue

 

[anglozaxon]

Hmm I suppose the danger with masturbating is that you may initially start fantasising about your wife, but it is easy to allow fantasies to grow and then your imaginings could start to involve other partners which could then lead to the use of porn and with that a secret addiction. I would suggest that it is probably best kept as something you do with your partner, and mutually meeting each others needs, I will admit this could be a problem if there is a geographical separation between partners.