sexual issues before engagement

[Christownsme]

Hi,
My girlfriend and I have had several sexual encounters since we've started dating. We're talking about marriage and our church has set out some policies for getting married. Of course one is that if you're having sex up to this point, you have to stop between this point and your marriage date.

I have been sexually addicted to magazines most my life, and it's only in the last 6 months, I've been able to put them down. Everytime my girlfriend and I succomb to temptation I feel really horrible afterwards, and I'm thankful that I do. I'm thankful that God hasn't thrown me away.

She and I talked about these policies together and I told her I'm not budging, I want to do it right. No sex anymore, but that I need her mutual support. If it's all up to me to say no, we may fail. She said she agrees to disagree. She'll help me say no. She says she feels a little more convicted about sex before marriage than in the past years. But she still had to say she is agreeing to disagree.


In all this, I feel a weight has been lifted from me. I've decided to turn away from premarital sex and to God. I hope she can feel the same freedom.

 

[The Nihilist]

How old are you?

 

[Christownsme]

How old are you?

39 yrs.

 

[The Nihilist]

39 yrs.

Who cares what your church's "policies" are?

 

[Starpuppy]

The bible says that sex will make a man and a woman as one, have you prayed to God for His blessings yet?

 

[Starpuppy]

Are you kidding? Because you sound like a child who's worried his parents will be mad at him. Who cares what your church's "policies" are?

you know its his own personal right to follow the Lord and you being a atheist, if you wanna sin, don't drag others down with you

 

[The Nihilist]

you know its his own personal right to follow the Lord and you being a atheist, if you wanna sin, don't drag others down with you

Obedience is the virtue of a child. Responsibility is the virtue of a man. If he said he thought extra marital sex was wrong, then that's fine. If we're to take him at his word, though, he seems more concerned about his church's policies. His church can't prevent him from marrying, and they have no authority to interpret scripture that he doesn't. He should make up his own mind.

 

[Christownsme]

Obedience is the virtue of a child. Responsibility is the virtue of a man. If he said he thought extra marital sex was wrong, then that's fine. If we're to take him at his word, though, he seems more concerned about his church's policies. His church can't prevent him from marrying, and they have no authority to interpret scripture that he doesn't. He should make up his own mind.

The church is the body of Christ. If Christ has put "policies" down, which he has (don't have immoral relations), then I ought to follow Christ, right? He is head of the church, no? So the church represents Christ. I'm correct to be fearful of the church's policies just as I am fearful of God (not "afraid" but I give reverence to).

I am come to Christ as a child, because that's how humbled I feel toward him to allow me to enter into the kingdom of God.

You are a "man" with "responsibility" and you are exalted as men are in your own mind. You cannot see the kingdom of God because of your pride and unbelief. Only those who become as little children, whether they're afraid or not, may be converted and enter the kingdom. Someday you'll long to enter in.

 

[The Nihilist]

The church is the body of Christ. If Christ has put "policies" down, which he has (don't have immoral relations), then I ought to follow Christ, right? He is head of the church, no? So the church represents Christ. I'm correct to be fearful of the church's policies just as I am fearful of God (not "afraid" but I give reverence to).

I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were Catholic.

 

[The Nihilist]

The church is the body of Christ. If Christ has put "policies" down, which he has (don't have immoral relations), then I ought to follow Christ, right? He is head of the church, no? So the church represents Christ. I'm correct to be fearful of the church's policies just as I am fearful of God (not "afraid" but I give reverence to).

I am come to Christ as a child, because that's how humbled I feel toward him to allow me to enter into the kingdom of God.

You are a "man" with "responsibility" and you are exalted as men are in your own mind. You cannot see the kingdom of God because of your pride and unbelief. Only those who become as little children, whether they're afraid or not, may be converted and enter the kingdom. Someday you'll long to enter in.

Ok, to seriously answer your question, your theology is out of whack. If you're going to take the idea seriously that one man or a collection of men speak with the authority of God, then it's time to go back to Catholicism. Protestantism, and I assume you're Protestant, necessarily allows for a plurality of ideas among christians. Therefore, you can remain a member of christianity without necessarily sharing precisely the same beliefs as your brothers and sisters.
To be clear, no single church is the body of christ, but only the whole of christianity. Or do you suppose that only one of the 22,000-odd christian denominations is correct and goes to heaven?

 

[Luther073082]

In all honesty I'm concerned that your fiancee disagrees with you about pre-marital sex.

This isn't the same thing as "I want to because I know its the right thing to do, but its difficult and I'm not sure if I can." That type of attitude could be understood in that a person is admitting they may be too weak to comply.

This is out and out disagreeing with you about what the correct course of action is. Just concerns me.

 

[Christownsme]

I know. But.... I had a talk with her, and her real feelings were that she felt pushed out by me. She agrees it's wrong, I found out. She just felt like she'd lose me if we stopped. I reassured her I love her and will always be there for her. She and I have been blessed since, we've begun to enjoy romantic evenings without the sex, we really know love between us. I'm certain things will be ok.