Sexual immorality/adultery

[Adam1983Irwin]

hello im new here so please bare with me, so I'm in a panic and need help, I am/or thought I was a born again Christian since 8 June 14, in this time Christ has turned my life upside down, so much so that my wife says I'm not the man she married and she know longer knows me, Before I knew Christ I used to take drugs, drink myself silly, swear all the time, I used to be full of hate and bitterness, I was addicted to inappropriate contentography, all this has been taken away from me by God I no longer struggle with any of these things however, I do struggle with lust for other woman, if I see a attractive woman in the street I sometimes can't help looking, even though I know it's wrong and the spirit convicted me, today I lusted after a lady I done a job for, she was pretty and my imagination went off on one, now I feel guilty towards God and guilty towards my wife, how can I say I love my wife then have eyes for another woman? Even though I know 100% I wouldn't do the physical Jesus said if we lust over a woman in our heart we have committed adultery!And the bible clearly says no sexual immoral or adulterous person will inherit the kingdom of God and Christ.

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

hello im new here so please bare with me, so I'm in a panic and need help, I am/or thought I was a born again Christian since 8 June 14, in this time Christ has turned my life upside down, so much so that my wife says I'm not the man she married and she know longer knows me, Before I knew Christ I used to take drugs, drink myself silly, swear all the time, I used to be full of hate and bitterness, I was addicted to inappropriate contentography, all this has been taken away from me by God I no longer struggle with any of these things however, I do struggle with lust for other woman, if I see a attractive woman in the street I sometimes can't help looking, even though I know it's wrong and the spirit convicted me, today I lusted after a lady I done a job for, she was pretty and my imagination went off on one, now I feel guilty towards God and guilty towards my wife, how can I say I love my wife then have eyes for another woman? Even though I know 100% I wouldn't do the physical Jesus said if we lust over a woman in our heart we have committed adultery!And the bible clearly says no sexual immoral or adulterous person will inherit the kingdom of God and Christ.

Recognizing another woman is attractive is in no way a failure of your love for your wife. Keeping true to your wife even though other women are attractive is a success in having love for your wife. Being attracted to something is not the sin . . . planning to go ahead with it, if only you could, would be the sin. My advice is that when you feel such a strong attraction you simply pray that God will use the beauty and attractiveness of that woman in a worthy way with a worthy, appropriate man. In this way you will not accumulate guilt for merely noticing someone is attractive.

Oh, and don't talk about it very much.

 

[Samuel_Rigby]

What you are describing is something I think all men--to one degree or another--struggle with. Men are visually-stimulated, meaning that we are stimulated by what we see. Every man is this way. The struggle--from a Christian standpoint--is how do we protect ourselves from making bad choices?

It sounds as if you caught yourself before making a bad decision. That is good! The Holy Spirit convicted you for letting your eyes linger too long on something that was potentially dangerous. That is also good! It means you are listening to the Holy Spirit and following Him. You should be encouraged by this!

When this happens you should pray and ask the Lord for strength, and ask for forgiveness for letting your eyes wander. It will get better over time. Pray and ask the Lord to protect and strengthen you in the areas you are weak. He will help you if you will turn to Him.

It doesn't sound like you did anything major, it all it involved was letting your eyes wander. If this is a habit, or if this is consuming your thoughts away from your wife that is something different. When Jesus said that to even look at a woman with lust means you committed adultery with her, His point was that adultery is first a heart issue. So my advice is to search your heart, and ask the Lord to search your heart. If your heart is being led away from your wife obviously that is a bigger problem you need to deal with.

But if your heart is still with your wife--and it sounds like it is since you said you know 100% that you would never do anything--then what you are dealing with is temptation. Temptation needs to be taken seriously, and it sounds like you are. But temptations--in and of themselves--are not sins. It is when you act on the temptation that is sin.

 

[Adam1983Irwin]

What you are describing is something I think all men--to one degree or another--struggle with. Men are visually-stimulated, meaning that we are stimulated by what we see. Every man is this way. The struggle--from a Christian standpoint--is how do we protect ourselves from making bad choices?

It sounds as if you caught yourself before making a bad decision. That is good! The Holy Spirit convicted you for letting your eyes linger too long on something that was potentially dangerous. That is also good! It means you are listening to the Holy Spirit and following Him. You should be encouraged by this!

When this happens you should pray and ask the Lord for strength, and ask for forgiveness for letting your eyes wander. It will get better over time. Pray and ask the Lord to protect and strengthen you in the areas you are weak. He will help you if you will turn to Him.

It doesn't sound like you did anything major, it all it involved was letting your eyes wander. If this is a habit, or if this is consuming your thoughts away from your wife that is something different. When Jesus said that to even look at a woman with lust means you committed adultery with her, His point was that adultery is first a heart issue. So my advice is to search your heart, and ask the Lord to search your heart. If your heart is being led away from your wife obviously that is a bigger problem you need to deal with.

But if your heart is still with your wife--and it sounds like it is since you said you know 100% that you would never do anything--then what you are dealing with is temptation. Temptation needs to be taken seriously, and it sounds like you are. But temptations--in and of themselves--are not sins. It is when you act on the temptation that is sin.

I know 100% I would never do the physical, but I lusted in my heart and Jesus said that's wrong, I also was convicted by the Holy Spirit but I completely snubbed the spirit as I at the time wanted to look, I sinned against God.

 

[Samuel_Rigby]

I know 100% I would never do the physical, but I lusted in my heart and Jesus said that's wrong, I also was convicted by the Holy Spirit but I completely snubbed the spirit as I at the time wanted to look, I sinned against God.

Then confess it as sin and ask for forgiveness.

1 John 1:9

God is gracious and merciful to forgive us when we sin against Him.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Calm down, ok? You have not sinned with these women against your wife. You'll be ok. If you feel bad, explain to your wife what's going on and that you are trying not to lust. She'll understand.

 

[Johnnz]

I know 100% I would never do the physical, but I lusted in my heart and Jesus said that's wrong, I also was convicted by the Holy Spirit but I completely snubbed the spirit as I at the time wanted to look, I sinned against God.

Did you actively intend to have sex with another woman given opportunity? Or actively and persistently fantasized about doing that? If not then you have not 'lusted' according to THAT verse in Matthew.

John
NZ

 

[Adam1983Irwin]

Did you actively intend to have sex with another woman given opportunity? Or actively and persistently fantasized about doing that? If not then you have not 'lusted' according to THAT verse in Matthew.

John
NZ

I fantasised about it, at the time but obviously I love my wife and would never do the physical act.

 

[Johnnz]

OK. Bless you for being honest. My comments are:

a) It is perfectly normal, not deviant, to have a general interest is sexual issues and the female body. And, God designed the sexes so that there would be some mutual attraction between them. That can result in some discernible physical responses at times, which are not in themselves sinful.

b) Where fantasy involves immoral behaviour with any woman that clearly is wrong.

So, you need to distinguish between where your thinking lies, a) or b).

Hope this helps.

John
NZ

 

[Dechen]

Wow! To see God help you overcome all those habits is marvelous! To have changed so much in a year, Congratulations to you.
What my pastor taught us a few Sundays back is that God is pleased with us no matter what we do because He sees us through Jesus and Jesus is blameless. We need not struggle so much to be righteous because God called us when we were drenched in sin. Righteousness comes from God not from us. So cherish all the things that God has done for you but acknowledge and bring the weaknesses before him. In time I believe God will take the lust for other women away from you too. If you keep blaming and condemning yourself, the guilt will take you far away from God.