Sex issue

[Tammy Davis]

Good Morning, my husband and I have been having an issues with sex for quite some times and we have been married for only 2 years. He works 2 jobs and gets home late and I'm sleep. I have tried various things to stay awoke, but I still fall asleep. The next morning he totally ignores me and won't talk to me at all. Really tired of this treatment. Is Ignoring me when he doesn't get what he wants right? Give me some insight and advice on all of this please

 

[SkyWriting]

Good Morning, my husband and I have been having an issues with sex for quite some times and we have been married for only 2 years. He works 2 jobs and gets home late and I'm sleep. I have tried various things to stay awoke, but I still fall asleep. The next morning he totally ignores me and won't talk to me at all. Really tired of this treatment. Is Ignoring me when he doesn't get what he wants right? Give me some insight and advice on all of this please

It's a rough schedule. A bad attitude is common with a lack of sleep and overwork.
A person really doesn't want to talk much.

 

[gadar perets]

Have you tried taking a nap during the day or training your body to wake up later and go to sleep later?

 

[ChristopherK]

Good Morning, my husband and I have been having an issues with sex for quite some times and we have been married for only 2 years. He works 2 jobs and gets home late and I'm sleep. I have tried various things to stay awoke, but I still fall asleep. The next morning he totally ignores me and won't talk to me at all. Really tired of this treatment. Is Ignoring me when he doesn't get what he wants right? Give me some insight and advice on all of this please

You both need to communicate about it. Your schedules are obviously not easy for the both of you to have time together so you need to sit down and discuss what can be done for the both of you to be pleased.

 

[Dave G.]

A guys perspective: just the anticipation builds hormone and especially so if he has become excited/stimulated. A young guy is all the worse when there is no release. I'm older now but I can tell you from my younger years that this causes aching in the testes and also a very anxious feeling all over. In my case it was better to be quiet than to start shooting my mouth off because it would be a ton of hormones talking. Don't ask me how, but somehow we were able to bring about 2 am rondevus in bed. Have awesome sex acts that we both enjoyed and go back to sleep. On the off days from work it was more normal. And anyway, when a guy is tired just getting off work, he may think he wants sex but it's much better after some rest. But a young guy need release frequently and a young marriage needs sex in generally to be it's healthiest. So that was our compromise in this busy world.

 

[Dave-W]

Have him wake you up when he gets home. If you are too tired for intercourse, give him a cuddled up hand job. It will help him a LOT.

As DaveG said, the build up of hormones can make a guy REALLY cranky. (some girls too)

You have heard about (or lived) the crankiness from a really bad period? Its kinda the same thing. Hormones.

 

[ValleyGal]

I wonder why he is working two jobs. Do you work? If not, maybe it would help if he stops one job and you both work one job each. Is it necessary that he works two jobs? I did that for a while when I was younger and had a small child...and it is not easy! Find ways to make his life less stressful, and also find ways that you can make yourself more available. Whatever that means in your situation.

 

[OK Jeff]

a man feels love through sex. He feels connected with you, truly one flesh with you. He gets his anticipation up through the day, and can't help but feel let down when it doesn't happen. From his perspective it feels like rejection. Women don't often understand this. Often my wife thinks I see her as an object when I get down about this topic, even though I pride myself at being pretty good at relaying my feelings toward the matter. It's the lack of connection every bit as much as the need for physical release.

 

[HannahT]

Good Morning, my husband and I have been having an issues with sex for quite some times and we have been married for only 2 years. He works 2 jobs and gets home late and I'm sleep. I have tried various things to stay awoke, but I still fall asleep. The next morning he totally ignores me and won't talk to me at all. Really tired of this treatment. Is Ignoring me when he doesn't get what he wants right? Give me some insight and advice on all of this please

So, he has time to ignore you in the morning when you could have time together? What's wrong with then?

Why use all of his energy to ignore you when it could be time to be together? You might want to point out the lack of logic there. I mean you are there and available, but now he is mad because you were NOT there when he wanted you there? He blew it because his pride was in the way, and basically he couldn't see the opportunity right in front of him.

a man feels love through sex. He feels connected with you, truly one flesh with you. He gets his anticipation up through the day, and can't help but feel let down when it doesn't happen. From his perspective it feels like rejection. Women don't often understand this. Often my wife thinks I see her as an object when I get down about this topic, even though I pride myself at being pretty good at relaying my feelings toward the matter. It's the lack of connection every bit as much as the need for physical release.

I never have understood why people give little speeches like this to their spouses. It sounds all about them, and how they are being victimized because life happens. Not at all attractive.

I honestly don't think men understand how it feels when you are viewed as a piece of meat. I'm not talking about in loving relationships, but overall just existing in life. Believe me you feel the anticipation from men many times just existing in the same space as they do, and all that attracts them to you is the gender...and how they view what you are good for. lol and its not ONE flesh! I remember having this conversation with my H one day when we were at lunch. People are under the impression that has to do with dress, style, or whatever. You know that isn't true when you feel your hair on he back of your neck raising, or the icky feeling knowing you are being ogled. Your presence is all that is needed, and nothing else. I doubt men have ever really stopped to wonder how scary that feeling is, and how completely unsafe you can feel at times. My H - as many fathers do - watches the circumstances in which our daughter may get into. What he never truly realized is she has been there anyway in normal everyday circumstances already - and I'm not saying he should NOT watch/talk to her. He is a good Dad! He just plain didn't understand that prospective with females to the degree I mentioned during our conversation. He got it generally, but his eyes were opened a bit further afterwards. I never forget his face, and his comment to me. "I had no idea!" lol this was after living with me for 30+ years!

Everyone has needs, and being one flesh means you approach this as 'one' not me. When you don't? lol well you don't seem to understand why your wife feels you view her as an object. See how that works?

If she doesn't feel she fits in that equation of one flesh, and is only told how a man feels loved...and how women just don't understand? Where is the 'she' part in that one flesh? You don't seem to be hitting on that part, and it could very well be part of your lack of connection. Remember there are two aspects to the one flesh if you want to make it 'truly' one flesh.

Think about it. Do you think she feels anything but rejection if she feels like an object, and not someone that is treasured and loved? Humans - all of us - tend to think more from OUR prospective, and not give as much weight to others. The challenge we have been called to is to lesson our prospective so we can serve others more than ourselves. Pride often gets in the way, and we all struggle in that area. All of us.

There are always two sides to this UNDERSTANDING part, and if your relaying your feelings towards the matter doesn't seem to be working? It could be you are more ME focused than WE focused.

The original poster husband seems to be doing something similar. He is mad because she keeps falling asleep, and yet when she wakes up? He is to busy pouting and ignoring her - because of his feelings of rejection - that it never dawned on him that connection could happen then. I hope he is careful in the future, because acting like a little boy won't get him to far in life. She in time could lose hope in the marriage, and he is complaining about lack of sex now? It will get worse if he can't approach this with any common sense, and drop the ME and remember it is a WE! I mean who wants a connection with a person that all wrapped up in themselves, and everyone else takes a backseat?

 

[Dave G.]

Wow Hanna, talk about a little speech !!

Well anyway, I think the OP is long gone, she hasn't participated in the thread for quite a while now.

 

[OK Jeff]

Her feeling are HER responsibility to relay. The original topic was asking for perspective. I offered mine, which is likely his. This garbage you talk about her being an object is way off base. If my wife (and many others) feel this way, that's her fault. Because it's not my view at all. I desire her, all of her. But to a man, that is a connection that is deeper, more intimate than any other. Women complain that men won't discuss their feelings. But when we do, we're told we're wrong, just as you did here. We're made to feel dirty for desiring our wives. Ma'am you've done that here.

 

[HannahT]

She relied her feelings to you it sounds like. So, she took her responsibility but it seems like you didn't like what you heard...and blew it off. She told you she feel like an object at times. I would want to know WHY, because something could be triggering this unintentionally. It happens, and it can be cleared up. Yet, your attitude - instead of listening - is that's her fault? lol Wow. Yikers! Talk about telling someone their feelings are wrong!

It wasn't meant to be dirty. It was from a prospective that men don't realize, because they don't live it. You never heard of the saying walk a mile in their shoes?? It's not a I'm a bigger victim than you are prospective or anything crazy like that. It's called life. We all have different realities, because we are all unique.

It's not that hard considering our current culture why women are feeling more so like an object. Some silly women aren't doing themselves any favors by encouraging that either. It makes the atmosphere worse. Hopefully, one day they will learn their worth and own it. Instead they take it the extreme, and look like fools.

That reality is only garbage when men won't listen. When they take it too personally, and feel its attack on them personally. It's so odd that people tell others their feelings are wrong - like you did here - instead of wondering WHY they feel that way.

I know my husband would want to know why I felt that way if I ever mentioned it to him. He would want me to feel differently.

I gave my prospective about how its nuts that he (Poster's husband) can wake up and ignore her and NOT have their time at that point. The poster's husband is taking it as being malicious - her falling asleep because its late. His nose was so out of joint that he didn't realize she was there - right in front of him at that moment waiting for him in the morning instead. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees. He at that point was thinking about ME not WE! It defies logic completely.

 

[OK Jeff]

We did have that conversation. Her entire reasoning for feeling that way is based on her (wrong) perception of how she thinks I feel about her. After time, prayer, and a little research, I learned myself why sex is so important to a man. So a second conversation was had where I explained what I said in my original post. This was some time back and with now better understanding of my point of view, her thoughts on the matter are different. Our relationship is better for both of us. Pardon me for having omitted some of these details originally. My mind works far faster than I can type.

 

[OK Jeff]

That's not to say there isn't still occasional conflict on the topic. But it's much better.

 

[LinkH]

If he was looking forward to sex with you, and didn't get it, night after night after night, the tension builds up. It doesn't dissipate. So can the disappointment. But he comes home late, so he can probably understand the problem, intellectually.

There are lots of solutions for this. One is just to agree to sex early in the morning. Get up an hour early (or 10 minutes early or whatever you two want.) Or you can give him permission to wake you up for it when he gets home. If he doesn't feel right doing that to you, get permission to wake him up, set the alarm, get up early, and wake him in an affectionate manner expressing your interest. See how that works. If one of you wakes up grumpy no matter what, that may be a determining factor in who wakes who up. The nap idea suggested earlier could work if you could train yourself to sleep on his schedule.