sex before married =[

[thatdrummer]

hi....im new here...

anyways i just wanted to see what you guys thought...its gonna be a looong story..

well i met my gf almost 3 years ago, we've been dating for almost 3 years now.

anyways 8 months into our relationship...we ended up having sex. that was almost 2 years ago now.. and we've stopped since then...

we are both christian...ive been a christian since i was born and shes been a christian for about 6 years now i believe.

anyways yea.. recently she broke down and told her mom what happened. and now things are awkward..

i begged God for forgiveness since it happened.. and i totally regret doing it, even though we are still together...its just, i dont know, its wrong and i know it was..

anyways lately i feel so weird around her mom its like i cant stand it...

me and her family are very close, they like me alot...her dad doesnt know and me and him are really cool... i feel like i betrayed them... it just hurts...

i want to tell her that im sorry and that i want everything to be ok between us... but i dont know...

anyways thats all... there arent any questions really..

basically im just venting because i cant stop thinking about it...

anyone have anything to say about this?

 

[Bootstrap]

Sounds like you're struggling with learning how to accept God's forgiveness. This is the kind of thing that a good pastor can help you pray through. You sinned, you've repented. It sounds like you and your girlfriend are clear on that.

You have an advocate before the Father. Let Jesus be your advocate:

If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

I can understand feeling weird around her mother. I'm not sure that I think you need to discuss this with her - but it feels like you might think you do. Can you say more about this?

 

[thatdrummer]

the pastor is my grand father... i definitely dont want to tell him anything about what happened...

he would be so dissapointed, so would all of my family..

well about her mom...i feel like i have to confront her..

i dont want her to think that i was just after her daughter for that you know...

i totally love their family and i feel like she is my mother..

i feel like i have to do it eventually if im going to marry my girlfriend, which i obviously plan on.

i dont know what i should do...should i just avoid it and forget about it, or tell her that im sorry and that i want to gain her trust back or something like that...

 

[Stephen Kendall]

hi....im new here...

anyways i just wanted to see what you guys thought...its gonna be a looong story..

well i met my gf almost 3 years ago, we've been dating for almost 3 years now.

anyways 8 months into our relationship...we ended up having sex. that was almost 2 years ago now.. and we've stopped since then...

we are both christian...ive been a christian since i was born and shes been a christian for about 6 years now i believe.

anyways yea.. recently she broke down and told her mom what happened. and now things are awkward..

i begged God for forgiveness since it happened.. and i totally regret doing it, even though we are still together...its just, i dont know, its wrong and i know it was..

anyways lately i feel so weird around her mom its like i cant stand it...

me and her family are very close, they like me alot...her dad doesnt know and me and him are really cool... i feel like i betrayed them... it just hurts...

i want to tell her that im sorry and that i want everything to be ok between us... but i dont know...

anyways thats all... there arent any questions really..

basically im just venting because i cant stop thinking about it...

anyone have anything to say about this?

If you are seeking a wife, no sex. If you are seeking to get married, no sex. If you are seeking sex, then why ask the question. Answers are plain, but what are you seeking?

 

[bliz]

Talk to her mom. Tell her what you have told us - you sinned and erred but have not done so since, that your intentions are to marry her daughter and you love her. Be honhest with her about how awful you feel.

Meanwhile, have a chat with you granfather/pastor. No one is a Christian since they were born - God has no grandchildren. Each of us has to recognize that we are sinful and decide to accept Jesus for ourselves.

 

[JESUS<3sYOU]

Breaking up because of that would be a big mistake, that's what I think.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Talk to her mom. Tell her what you have told us - you sinned and erred but have not done so since, that your intentions are to marry her daughter and you love her. Be honhest with her about how awful you feel.

Meanwhile, have a chat with you granfather/pastor. No one is a Christian since they were born - God has no grandchildren. Each of us has to recognize that we are sinful and decide to accept Jesus for ourselves.

QFT. It's been two years, bro. I'm sure they will not be as upset as they would be if it had been, say, 2 weeks ago, or was still happening. Is she even upset about it now? Or is it just you who is awkward around her about it?

 

[thatdrummer]

Talk to her mom. Tell her what you have told us - you sinned and erred but have not done so since, that your intentions are to marry her daughter and you love her. Be honhest with her about how awful you feel.

Meanwhile, have a chat with you granfather/pastor. No one is a Christian since they were born - God has no grandchildren. Each of us has to recognize that we are sinful and decide to accept Jesus for ourselves.

i dont think i can talk to my grandpa about this...

this is something i would rather have no one know about you know?

i mean i know i messed up...but ive asked God for forgivenesss so many times for this...

i dont know...

i really want to talk to her mom tho... we'll see

Breaking up because of that would be a big mistake, that's what I think.

im definitely not breaking up with this girl

she has done so much for me and been there for me always..

definitely a keeper...

QFT. It's been two years, bro. I'm sure they will not be as upset as they would be if it had been, say, 2 weeks ago, or was still happening. Is she even upset about it now? Or is it just you who is awkward around her about it?

i think they will.

im supposed to be the "good" grandson, being the only christian one...

i dont know i just feel like itll blow way out of porportion and ill be left alone...

i had my girlfriend talk to her mom and she said that she was upset and that she understood that we all make mistakes..but she wass just disapointed in me, the she always talked so highly of me...

we just spent the 4th together so i dont know, it was ok, we didnt have much alone time

but i dont know...we'll see as time goes on

 

[Sonnenuntergang]

I know how you feel!

You haven't had sex for 2 years now and that's something to be proud of! You haven't given into temptation and I'd imagine it's really difficult when you've already experienced it! God has forgiven you! By just flicking through your Bible I'm sure you could find examples God's forgiveness for much worse sins than yours!

The physical stuff is really not worth it and God is right: sex outside marriage = bad idea. My boyfriend left me about a month ago. We did a lot of physical stuff together and I really regret it. We didn't get as far as sex but we pretty much covered everything else.

You said you want to tell her that you're sorry...I think that's a really good idea! I definitely think you need to talk about these things and share how your feeling. I didn't do this with my boyfriend and we just went straight in to the physical stuff and it totally destroyed our relationship.

I read this book that's really helped me with this kind of stuff. It's for girls, but maybe you could recommend it to your girlfriend or something (I'm not sure if she'd be offended or whatever, but it's just an idea). It's called "Cherished" by Rachel Gardener. I can't put a link on here for some reason, but it comes up as the first option if you google it.



Maybe you could talk to your grandfather...My Nan is really involved in the church and I chatted to her about how guilty I felt about what I did with my boyfriend after he left me and she'd actually been through the same sort of thing. I was so shocked!!! Perhaps your grandfather would be happy if you talked to him! I'm sure he wouldn't get angry at you. Christianity is based around forgiveness, after all.

As I said, I don't know much about your family, but from what I've read, this is the advice I would give. I've done some bad stuff in my previous relationship, but I really want to share it with others so they won't go down the same route as me!

God Bless - I'll be praying for you!

 

[mattybartholomew]

i begged God for forgiveness since it happened.. and i totally regret doing it, even though we are still together...its just, i dont know, its wrong and i know it was..

Accept God's forgiveness, any potential consequences and move forward with you're life.

I'm not saying what you did was ok, but it wasn't like you raped you're gf--right? I'm sure, she was all for it. You're not Prince Charming and she's not Cinderella (no one is). Yes, you're the man and you are supposed to lead, but I supposes this is one of the reasons the word says it's better to marry than to burn with lust or whatever it exactly says.

anyways lately i feel so weird around her mom its like i cant stand it...

me and her family are very close, they like me alot...her dad doesnt know and me and him are really cool... i feel like i betrayed them... it just hurts...

I would sit down with your gf, her mom and dad( if it's appropriate) and apologize for you're actions, and you will place whatever boundaries that you and your gf feel are necessary to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Do not let her dad put you down, of course he will be shocked and maybe angry/disappointed, let him get that out. But if he tries to lay all the blame on you, do not accept it. Remind him his daughter has a sex drive just like you do, and you didn't force yourself on her. You both made mistakes, and as a man you are going to own them.

Her parents are sinners just like you and me, you would probably be surprised at what they have done in their pasts.

i want to tell her that im sorry and that i want everything to be ok between us... but i dont know...

Go for it. You're a man, make a decision and stick with it till the end.

Trust me if you walk in their with confidence, acknowledge you're mistakes, and ask for their understanding and forgiveness, they will respect you for standing up like a man. And if they don't, oh well---sometimes people are unreasonable, next!

 

[mattybartholomew]

the pastor is my grand father... i definitely dont want to tell him anything about what happened...

Understand while you it might make you uncomfortable, secrets like this rarely stay secret for long.

He might be relieved that you would come to him with this, you never know

he would be so dissapointed, so would all of my family..

People will be disappointed in something you do till you die, get used to it.

If they can't show you grace and compassion, then it's their loss not yours.

well about her mom...i feel like i have to confront her..

i dont want her to think that i was just after her daughter for that you know...

If she thinks you were after her daughter just for the sex, she is out of her mind. When I was promiscuous (for a lack of a better word), there wasn't a chance I would wait 8 months for sex. More like 8 dates!

Any reasonable person can tell, that you both fell into temptation.

 

[mattybartholomew]

im supposed to be the "good" grandson, being the only christian one...

Remember, only God is truly "Good".

Even those who seem to be good on the outside, keep in mind you don't have access to their thoughts and what they do in the secret of night.

 

[thatdrummer]

lots of help

thanks:] if you need anything that has to do with guy help, you can ask me ok, i appreciate the prayer

more help

you made alot of good points man, thanks.

Understand while you it might make you uncomfortable, secrets like this rarely stay secret for long.

He might be relieved that you would come to him with this, you never know

People will be disappointed in something you do till you die, get used to it.

If they can't show you grace and compassion, then it's their loss not yours.

If she thinks you were after her daughter just for the sex, she is out of her mind. When I was promiscuous (for a lack of a better word), there wasn't a chance I would wait 8 months for sex. More like 8 dates!

Any reasonable person can tell, that you both fell into temptation.

thanks guys

i appreciate everything

 

[Luther073082]

How old are you and her?

What type of Christians are they?

Some Christians would just take this in stride and deal with and understand that while they certainly arn't proud that it happened, that . . . things happen. People sin. And they would get past it.

If you are both adults especially the parents shouldn't consider themselves sinned against so much as they should know that the sin was against God.

However not all Christians will necessarily have this prospective. Some people are in a "purity cult" in the Christian faith and they make the faith more about sexual "purity" and not about grace like it should be.

How upset they will be about this depends on where they place the emphasis of their faith.

 

[thatdrummer]

nah were young... were pentecostal christians.

you know, after this whole thing happened, i finally understand that i have Gods forgiveness.. i would like to say how it happened but its kinda long and stuff.

all i know is im glad i finally got it..im free :]

there has been alot of consequences already, so i think its over.

thank God

 

[Sonnenuntergang]

If you want to say how it happened then you should share if you think it will help you =).

Yah when I did physical stuff with my boyfriend and we broke up I believe I suffered the consequences - 1 month of constant emotional pain (which was actually made worse by the stuff we had done). But I constantly begged for God's forgiveness and then I asked some people to pray with me at church and asked God to heal me from my pain - and he did. After that service last Sunday I felt almost back to my normal self. When I chat to my ex or hear stuff about him, I feel barely any pain. Praise God!

Seriously, I really do think it's God's plan for sexual stuff in marriage. Of course, people like you and me have made mistakes, but we've learnt from them and if I'm honest, the fact that we've learnt from them can potentially save us from more pain in the future. He really is a loving God, and I think he only asked us to save ourselves for marriage for our own good! =D

I also feel that God wants me to share my experience with others to show them what doing physical stuff before marriage can do to you...

You've definitely gone about it the right way though and I think it's really good how you have restrained yourself since it happened!

You should feel free! =)

God Bless =D

 

[thatdrummer]

yea i know what you mean.

i feel good now like...nothing really happened.

i guess the biggest part of this is learning from it and putting it behind you and never looking back.

i guess i dont need to come back into this thread anymore.

because itll just remind me of everything lol

but thanks girl above me, you were very helpful.

God bless you too

 

[DrSteve]

After reading the original post, I skimmed through the replies. So, pardon me if I ask a question or make an assumption about something that was answered above.

I'm going to guess the OP and his girlfriend are very young. That's because I can't see people in their 30s or 40s talking about this with their parents.

Unless you're under the same roof as your parents, what they think of your actions (and what your grandparents think) is of limited value. What God thinks of your actions is very relevant.

What's done is done. There's no sense beating yourselves up about it. However, what you do now is up to you. And, if you're serious about living a Christian life, then don't have sex anymore until you are married.

I don't want to make light of what happened, but I feel this is becoming a bigger deal than it needs to be.