Sex before marriage..

[xXmacyXx]

I was not raised in a Christian family but I have always been taught that modesty is important. I also believe myself that sex should be waited for until marriage, because it is so special... I am just wondering what each of your personal reasons are... I've hear varying ones... What is your personal reason for deciding to wait?

I think reading other people's personal reasons for waiting can be enlightning and motivating as to why others who are reading this should wait.

 

[Inkachu]

My reasons for waiting:

1. God says so.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral


2. You avoid the following risks by not having sex before/outside marriage: STD's (some of which are chronic or even lethal), unplanned pregnancies that would result in a single-parent situation, higher risk of certain cancers, loads of emotional baggage, jealousy, insecurity, guilt, abandonment.

3. Sex is a powerful thing. Sex with someone you're in love with is even more powerful. Sex with someone you're in love with AND committed to in marriage is the best and most amazing of all. It binds two people together not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. God made it that way, to cement and enhance the bond of marriage. That kind of connection is meant for a husband and wife, NO other relationship.

 

[penNpaper]

My reasons for waiting:

1. God says so.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral


2. You avoid the following risks by not having sex before/outside marriage: STD's (some of which are chronic or even lethal), unplanned pregnancies that would result in a single-parent situation, higher risk of certain cancers, loads of emotional baggage, jealousy, insecurity, guilt, abandonment.

3. Sex is a powerful thing. Sex with someone you're in love with is even more powerful. Sex with someone you're in love with AND committed to in marriage is the best and most amazing of all. It binds two people together not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. God made it that way, to cement and enhance the bond of marriage. That kind of connection is meant for a husband and wife, NO other relationship.

^what she said Good stuff Vicky!!

God Bless,
Drew

 

[Bampot]

2. You avoid the following risks by not having sex before/outside marriage: STD's (some of which are chronic or even lethal), unplanned pregnancies that would result in a single-parent situation, higher risk of certain cancers, loads of emotional baggage, jealousy, insecurity, guilt, abandonment.

All that is just as likely in marriage as it is outside marriage. I wouldn't say the long term couple who've been together before marriage are any more at risk than the married couple when it comes to those things.

 

[Schneiderman]

I don't know where my feelings from this come from. It came very naturally. It is not what was taught to me by family and it doesn't come solely from my Christian beliefs. I feel very strongly that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and I have rational reasons to support my reasoning, but I can not specify how it came to be that I feel this way instead of falling victim to today's societal beliefs on the subject.

 

[Schneiderman]

All that is just as likely in marriage as it is outside marriage. I wouldn't say the long term couple who've been together before marriage are any more at risk than the married couple when it comes to those things.

What does "long term" mean? For some people it means a year of even a few months. If that's someone's idea of "long term" and they are having sex in their "long term" relationships then yes, they put themselves at a higher risk for the things mentioned. Those things mentioned are not the primary rationale for why I personally believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, but I just wanted to point out the difficulty in your argument.

"Marriage" is a fairly uniform, recognizable term for a specific type of relationship. "Long term" is not.

 

[Bampot]

What does "long term" mean? For some people it means a year of even a few months. If that's someone's idea of "long term" and they are having sex in their "long term" relationships then yes, they put themselves at a higher risk for the things mentioned. Those things mentioned are not the primary rationale for why I personally believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, but I just wanted to point out the difficulty in your argument.

"Marriage" is a fairly uniform, recognizable term for a specific type of relationship. "Long term" is not.

I'm taking about people in a relationship who plan on eventually getting married or plan to have a life-long partnership. I fail to see how the dedicated couple who practices safe sex and has no other sexual partners is more at a risk than the married couple. People can cheat in a marriage. They can run away in a marriage. Unwanted pregnancies happen in marriage. All your relationship problems don't magically go away when getting married.

I know a couple who has been together for 15 years. They don't plan on getting married because they don't see the benefits in marriage. I would say that their relationship, even though not wed, is just as relevant as the married couple who've been together for 15 years.

 

[Tink]

Might wanna check forum rules....

From CF forum rules:

Controversial Topics
The following subjects will only be discussed in Ethics & Morality, Christian Philosophy and Ethics, Congregation category, or Recovery category, or any of its sub-forums. You will not post about these subjects in other forums.

drug use

gambling

polygamy

extramarital or premarital sexual activity.

homosexuality

transsexuality

abortion



In addition, any topics which runs contrary to Christian Forums' Statement of Faith, such as Universalism and non-Trinitarianism, may only be discussed in the Unorthodox Theology Forum.

 

[Balugon]

Yea, but this thread is about our reasons we are waiting, so it isn't necessarily talking about premarital sexual activity, even though it could have been worded much better to avoid issues with rules and staff and stuff.

As for me, I don't want to deal with STD's, pregnancies, unhealthy emotional attachment with people. I also want to heavily pursue seeing what kind of godly emotional/relational bonds can be grown with women out of agape (Godly) love, not eros (sexual) love, and so sexuality would just get in the way of that. And why do people typically have sex? Because it feels good. Perhaps if they knew and understood the joy of the Lord and what good relationships could really be like, they wouldn't be as inclined to feel the need to fall into having sex to feel better. Of course, that also gets into the rest of their lives feeling like junk and making them depressed and stuff, so they turn to whatever escapes they find, of which sex is a notable one.

But yea, no sex for me. I can be friends with a lot of people, but the joy of sex is gonna be saved for that one person who is reserved for getting all of me.

 

[Rhamiel]

Might wanna check forum rules....

From CF forum rules:

blah, we can not talk about any of the fun stuff
jk
but really, it seems odd we can not talk about any of these topics

anyway, for the OP, sin seperates us from God, because I love God more then I love physical pleasure, it is not saying that one is bad, but that the other is better

 

[Rhamiel]

Balugon

As for me, I don't want to deal with STD's, pregnancies, unhealthy emotional attachment with people

haha i do not need to have sex to form unhealthy emotional attachment to people
yeaah i am just that good

 

[Hisbygrace]

MOD HAT ON
This thread was moved here as it was determined to be a more appropriate forum for this discussion, but please remember that all Sitewide Rules still apply.
MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Mling]

I think it's really important to have sex before marriage. If you want to save one thing (like penile/vaginal intercourse, or oral, or....) for the partner you marry, that's cool, but I think there should be some form of sexual interaction before then.

People have vastly different ideas about what the role of sex in marriage, should be, and it can be really easy to assume, "yeah, I'll totally want to do it this way," or "I'd never want that," if you have no experience, but being in the moment can change things. I'm speaking from the position of being a few months into my first relationship. There are things I assumed I'd love, that I've found do nothing for me; things I thought I'd be able to do well that are more difficult than I thought; things I thought would be hard for me that turned out to be really easy.....

Sex is going to be an important part of the relationship--in fact, it could make or break the relationship (it was part of the reason my parents divorced). You should have a real, practical idea what it's going to be like and how compatible you are, and that idea needs to be informed by experience. Talking about sexual values, fantasies and interests is a great first step, but hypothetical ideas can only be so valuable.

If your soon-to-be-wife thinks that having sex more than once a week is "being her husband's prostitute," isn't that something you'd like to know before the wedding day? Especially if you have a high sex drive?

If it turns out that you love making love sweetly and gently, and your partner can only get turned on if it's hard and rough, that could lead to real problems. You might end up feeling abused and debased by the roughness (or inadequate and un-sexy), while your partner feels rejected and unloved, or perverse and violent--and you might have no idea that either of you are wired that way, until after you actually have sex.

so yeah, like I said above, it can be great to save something special that will only be shared after the wedding day, but that special thing shouldn't be the entire realm of sexuality.

 

[lawtonfogle]

I was not raised in a Christian family but I have always been taught that modesty is important. I also believe myself that sex should be waited for until marriage, because it is so special... I am just wondering what each of your personal reasons are... I've hear varying ones... What is your personal reason for deciding to wait?

I think reading other people's personal reasons for waiting can be enlightning and motivating as to why others who are reading this should wait.

As far as I can tell, two people having sex during the Old Testament times basically was a marriage before God. Adultery was punished by death, having sex before marriage was punished with going through the formalities of the marriage. Thus, I think the issue is what are we defining as marriage, and there is no way God's idea of marriage is the same idea of marriage in law, which includes Vegas weddings and marriages that last shorter than many people can survive without water.

 

[lawtonfogle]

My reasons for waiting:

1. God says so.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

You need to show what sexual acts are defined in sexual immorality. If we consider sexual immorality to be all sexual acts that resulted in a death sentence in the Old Testament, a reasonable definition considering we can't just use Webster as Webster was written after this, then sex before marriage is not counted as sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body

Same issue.

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral

Adultery was punished with death, as was sexual immorality such as incest and other acts which goes against these forum's rules to even discuss. But, premarital sex was treated with what was basically the original shot gun wedding (more like the bow/sword wedding).

2. You avoid the following risks by not having sex before/outside marriage: STD's (some of which are chronic or even lethal), unplanned pregnancies that would result in a single-parent situation, higher risk of certain cancers, loads of emotional baggage, jealousy, insecurity, guilt, abandonment.

You have just as much risk of all those if having sex in a committed relationship. Now, if you are just sleeping around, then the risk drastically increases, but if you look at the shotgun wedding view, you are married to the first person you have sex with (there are some technicalities when one is a virgin and the other is not, also some issues involving rape, but in general...) then all sex before a (state recognized) marriage to any other person is adultery. To put it another way, God is saying to have sex with only one other person and that person is whom you will be (God recognized, not necessarily state recognized) married to. Of course, God allowing men to have multiple wives (but not vice versa) does complicate this even more. All these complications will does show why something simple as 'no sex before marriage' catch up so quickly.

3. Sex is a powerful thing. Sex with someone you're in love with is even more powerful. Sex with someone you're in love with AND committed to in marriage is the best and most amazing of all. It binds two people together not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. God made it that way, to cement and enhance the bond of marriage. That kind of connection is meant for a husband and wife, NO other relationship.

But then comes the question of what type of commitment constitutes a marriage. Maybe people with a (state recognized) marriage are no where near committed as some others who lack such a marriage. Of course, there is some advice in the statement 'if you like it then you should put a ring on it', or in other words, if you are in a committed enough relationship to count as marriage before God, why not go through the legal loopholes. This only is an issue with those who are legally barred from doing so (where issues like polygamy come back).

 

[lawtonfogle]

You should have a real, practical idea what it's going to be like and how compatible you are, and that idea needs to be informed by experience. Talking about sexual values, fantasies and interests is a great first step, but hypothetical ideas can only be so valuable.

If your soon-to-be-wife thinks that having sex more than once a week is "being her husband's prostitute," isn't that something you'd like to know before the wedding day? Especially if you have a high sex drive?

If it turns out that you love making love sweetly and gently, and your partner can only get turned on if it's hard and rough, that could lead to real problems. You might end up feeling abused and debased by the roughness, while your partner feels rejected and unloved, or perverse and violent--and you might have no idea that either of you are wired that way, until after you actually have sex.

Instead of using the above as reason to have sex before marriage, perhaps you will get a better response if you pose it as a problem with waiting for marriage and then ask what can be done to fix it, thus leading more to consider the issues instead of just writing you off as someone who is sexually immoral. And to make it better, perhaps couple it with the verses that say it is a husband's duty to fulfill his wife's sexual needs and a wife's duty to do the same for her husband.

 

[selfinflikted]

Personally, I like to test-drive my vehicle before I make the purchase.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Personally, I like to test-drive my vehicle before I make the purchase.

That statement even left me cringing with the comparison of a future life partner to a vehicle, a tool.

 

[selfinflikted]

That statement even left me cringing with the comparison of a future life partner to a vehicle, a tool.

It's a great analogy, imo. I just never understood the importance people place on virginity, as if it's some sort of "gift."

 

[Mling]

Instead of using the above as reason to have sex before marriage, perhaps you will get a better response if you pose it as a problem with waiting for marriage and then ask what can be done to fix it, thus leading more to consider the issues instead of just writing you off as someone who is sexually immoral. And to make it better, perhaps couple it with the verses that say it is a husband's duty to fulfill his wife's sexual needs and a wife's duty to do the same for her husband.

Um thanks...?

If somebody wants to know if I'm sexually immoral, they can ask what my sexual values are.

If they write me off before that, then why would I care about their opinion any more than they do? (they obviously don't, if they don't care if it's informed or not).

If they write me off afterward, that's their right but I'd be really concerned about their sexual morality, in that case.

Ultimately, though--while there are things that can kinda-sorta help, like talking about fantasies and values--my main point is that thinking about sex is different than having it, and compatability should be established before marriage.

I could try to set it out that way, but it would look...odd.

Problem: sexual compatibility is a majorly important part of a marriage, and there is no way to establish that it exists without actually having sex. You can roll dice about how your sex life will turn out, or you can go into marriage informed.

Solution: the only solution is to have sexual experiences with each other, prior to getting married. Not necessarily every sex act you might ever want, but enough to get a sense for each other.

If you really, really don't want to do that, talking about hypotheticals can give you some idea about the other person's values and interests, but it's a poor substitute, given that so much of what happens during sex can't be easily predicted.

edit: I could use the Bible to back up my answer...and you could use the Vedas...but why would either of us do that?