Sex and marriage

[L123]

Hi there, Im new to this site and joined to get some peoples opinions on this matter..
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 months now, we are both believers and go to church and always intended on waiting until marriage to have sex. We know we are each others soulmates and are planning to get engaged after we have graduated our university studies for convenience. We love eachother so much and we fool around and have done things but never sex, but its so hard not to as we get so close to it sometimes. I know in my heart that I will marry this man and will eventually have sex with him, and im running out of reasons not to do it now, i feel like waiting until marriage is wasting a long time that we could've spend being closer together and sharing something so passionate and special, and for what? I know it says in the bible to wait until marriage but when you are with the one you know you will marry, why not do it now? what difference will a piece of paper and a name change really make? We have already vowed to each other that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, I dont see what difference marriage will make, only that it means rushing to just get marrieg so we can have sex and i dont want marriage to just be about that, it just seems a bit pointless in the grand scheme of things when you know you are already with the one.

Thoughts?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

the point is exercising discipline and honoring God over our sexual urges.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hi there, Im new to this site and joined to get some peoples opinions on this matter..
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 months now, we are both believers and go to church and always intended on waiting until marriage to have sex. We know we are each others soulmates and are planning to get engaged after we have graduated our university studies for convenience. We love eachother so much and we fool around and have done things but never sex, but its so hard not to as we get so close to it sometimes. I know in my heart that I will marry this man and will eventually have sex with him, and im running out of reasons not to do it now, i feel like waiting until marriage is wasting a long time that we could've spend being closer together and sharing something so passionate and special, and for what? I know it says in the bible to wait until marriage but when you are with the one you know you will marry, why not do it now? what difference will a piece of paper and a name change really make? We have already vowed to each other that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, I dont see what difference marriage will make, only that it means rushing to just get marrieg so we can have sex and i dont want marriage to just be about that, it just seems a bit pointless in the grand scheme of things when you know you are already with the one.

Thoughts?

Why don't you just marry him and then have sex? Otherwise you are saying you will have sex 'for convenience' and without commitment. If you are committed, get married. You are putting the cart before the horse. Has your denomination given up on teaching this? At least you have an inkling of what you should do, even if it is becoming increasingly hard. Just do it. Get married. Have sex, lots of it. Have some babies too. Don't set yourself up for guilt from sexual sin.

 

[Ancient of Days]

Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman and God, PERIOD. If you are committed as you say, then tonight, get down on your knees together and come before the throne of the living God and commit this marriage unto him. WARNING! This is not something you should take lightly, this WILL enter you into a binding agreement until one or both of you passes.

 

[L123]

Why don't you just marry him and then have sex? Otherwise you are saying you will have sex 'for convenience' and without commitment. If you are committed, get married. You are putting the cart before the horse. Has your denomination given up on teaching this? At least you have an inkling of what you should do, even if it is becoming increasingly hard. Just do it. Get married. Have sex, lots of it. Have some babies too. Don't set yourself up for guilt from sexual sin.

The thing is, we are already committed so we wouldnt be having sex for "convenience" as you say but to show our love for one another and become closer to each other. you shouldnt just get married so that youre allowed to have sex should you? because if thats what youd suggest then im sure there would be thousands of teens falling in love and getting married straight away just to have sex without taking into consideration the rest of their lives with this person, just doing it for sex which im sure would result in so many divorces or unhappy relationships down the line, thats what usually happens when people marry young just so that they can have sex. im in my mid 20s and have met the man i want to spend the rest of my life with but need to finish university before my wedding so that i can get my dream career and be on a stable financial income to be able to afford a house and eventually have kids and support them, thats why i cant marry now as im not ready for those things as my career is most important right now, but when i know my man is right there and all of this stuff is just around the corner, i find it hard to find more convincing reasons to not have sex with him now? its so hard to explain.

 

[L123]

also see in my head, i think that when im with someone, to make sure they are the one you are meant to marry, you should know if you are sexually compatable with them, i mean, what if you wait for marriage and then realise your partner is terrible in bed, the physical side of relationships are just as important as emotional or verbal sides etc. so what about all those marriages that fall apart over this?

 

[Jane_Doe]

The thing is, we are already committed

Then why AREN'T you married?

If there is some reason you are waiting to bind yourselves together in marriage before the Lord, then there is at least one reason you aren't committed and shouldn't be having sex.

im in my mid 20s and have met the man i want to spend the rest of my life with but need to finish university before my wedding so that i can get my dream career and be on a stable financial income to be able to afford a house and eventually have kids and support them, thats why i cant marry now as im not ready for those things as my career is most important right now, but when i know my man is right there and all of this stuff is just around the corner, i find it hard to find more convincing reasons to not have sex with him now? its so hard to explain.

NO!!!

Do NOT put the world's riches before your relationship with God. If this man is the man you truly want to marry, then marry him. You can be be married and finish your degree. If you feel that the degree is too threatened by the idea of being married, then you should most definitely NOT be having sex and possibly having kids.

 

[Jane_Doe]

also see in my head, i think that when im with someone, to make sure they are the one you are meant to marry, you should know if you are sexually compatable with them, i mean, what if you wait for marriage and then realise your partner is terrible in bed, the physical side of relationships are just as important as emotional or verbal sides etc. so what about all those marriages that fall apart over this?

A man is not a pair of shoes to be tried on and sent back to the store if you don't like them. This attitude is totally detrimental to true commitment.

 

[Ancient of Days]

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

 

[L123]

Then why AREN'T you married?

If there is some reason you are waiting to bind yourselves together in marriage before the Lord, then there is at least one reason you aren't committed and shouldn't be having sex.

NO!!!

Do NOT put the world's riches before your relationship with God. If this man is the man you truly want to marry, then marry him. You can be be married and finish your degree. If you feel that the degree is too threatened by the idea of being married, then you should most definitely NOT be having sex and possibly having kids.

Thanks for your reply, okay say that i waited for marriage after ive finished my university degree and all is well, personally we dont want kids until our 2nd year of marriage, so that we can focus on making a good life for ourselves, getting a good house in a good area for kids and become stable in every sense enough to raise children the best way possible.. do you think its wrong to delay having kids? because i was thinking of using birth control or family planning when we are married to not fall pregnant before we are ready.. what do you think to that?

 

[L123]

any more thoughts on sex before marriage also anyone? i just want as much feedback as possible

 

[Jane_Doe]

Thanks for your reply, okay say that i waited for marriage after ive finished my university degree and all is well, personally we dont want kids until our 2nd year of marriage, so that we can focus on making a good life for ourselves, getting a good house in a good area for kids and become stable in every sense enough to raise children the best way possible.. do you think its wrong to delay having kids? because i was thinking of using birth control or family planning when we are married to not fall pregnant before we are ready.. what do you think to that?

I think kids deserve to be born into a relationship where man and woman are FULLY committed to each other. Fully committed = includes being married.

To have sex without that full commitment (aka your not married) is risking bringing children into a bad situation. It is totally selfish on the part of the uncommitted boy and girl. (This is all besides the obvious huge damage/disrespect you do to each other and your relationship with God).

If you believe you are fully committed, then get married. Respect your future children, yourself, your partner, and God.

 

[L123]

I think kids deserve to be born into a relationship where man and woman are FULLY committed to each other. Fully committed = includes being married.

To have sex without that full commitment (aka your not married) is risking bringing children into a bad situation. It is totally selfish on the part of the uncommitted boy and girl. (This is all besides the obvious huge damage/disrespect you do to each other and your relationship with God).

If you believe you are fully committed, then get married.

no i mean in the instance that we are married but we want to delay having kids until we have saved money and prepared properly, what do you think to using contraception in marriage?

 

[Jane_Doe]

no i mean in the instance that we are married but we want to delay having kids until we have saved money and prepared properly, what do you think to using contraception in marriage?

Ok, so AFTER you get married? Then yes, has lots of sex- bounding a husband and wife is part of the purpose of sex. Have fun.

As to waiting for kids: my denomination has no problems with birth control, and teaches the timing of kids is an intimate decision between husband & wife & God. To my limited knowledge, it is primarily a Catholics who disagree with artificial birth control (they're ok with natural methods).

 

[Ancient of Days]

no i mean in the instance that we are married but we want to delay having kids until we have saved money and prepared properly, what do you think to using contraception in marriage?

You should really ask God that question. Not people. What does his word say about it?

 

[chevyontheriver]

The thing is, we are already committed so we wouldnt be having sex for "convenience" as you say but to show our love for one another and become closer to each other. you shouldnt just get married so that youre allowed to have sex should you? because if thats what youd suggest then im sure there would be thousands of teens falling in love and getting married straight away just to have sex without taking into consideration the rest of their lives with this person, just doing it for sex which im sure would result in so many divorces or unhappy relationships down the line, thats what usually happens when people marry young just so that they can have sex. im in my mid 20s and have met the man i want to spend the rest of my life with but need to finish university before my wedding so that i can get my dream career and be on a stable financial income to be able to afford a house and eventually have kids and support them, thats why i cant marry now as im not ready for those things as my career is most important right now, but when i know my man is right there and all of this stuff is just around the corner, i find it hard to find more convincing reasons to not have sex with him now? its so hard to explain.

Well then, if you are too young to marry, too short of your dream career, too financially insecure, too immature, whatever, then the same applies to having sex. When you have sex you have to be ready for the consequences. One of them is getting pregnant, which happens often enough. Would you have an abortion to solve that 'problem'? Would your boyfriend stand by you in raising a child, or dump you?

One of the other consequence is that sex is like a bonding cement. You feel stuck together. Sometimes people who will not commit before sex end up realizing they are stuck with someone who they should have run from and never had anything to do with. Are you committed to him and he to you? Can you be committed without sex, or is it a feigned commitment for the purposes of having sex? That's as bad as sex without commitment, and that's what you are proposing. If you really are committed then marry and have sex without guilt. Or you can have sex now, have the guilt, and maybe someday get married, and maybe someday get over the guilt. It's your call. But it's also your heart and his heart you are putting at risk. Not worth it IMHO. Marry him, or not, but don't put the cart before the horse.

 

[chevyontheriver]

also see in my head, i think that when im with someone, to make sure they are the one you are meant to marry, you should know if you are sexually compatable with them, i mean, what if you wait for marriage and then realise your partner is terrible in bed, the physical side of relationships are just as important as emotional or verbal sides etc. so what about all those marriages that fall apart over this?

This sounds like shopping around.

Almost every man is physically compatible with almost every woman, or they can learn to be so by building their relationship. If they jump into sex they are sacrificing that relationship building, to their detriment.

 

[C. J. Berezhnoy]

Good evening.

Hi there, Im new to this site and joined to get some peoples opinions on this matter..
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 months now,

Please pardon my bluntness, but this must be said plainly for your own benefit. It is exceedingly rare to know with full certainty six months into any relationship that you are soulmates. While true soulmates sometimes recognize their bond "at first sight", infatuation also frequently disguises itself as a deep spiritual bond in the beginning. It may be that you are indeed soulmates or it may be that you are infatuated with each other. Time will allow for that distinction to become clear. If your bond is spiritual, it will only strengthen with time. If your bond fades overtime, then you will have known it was infatuation in retrospect. In either case, time is on your side.

There is no risk in delaying your marriage and subsequent intimacy. If you choose to wait, that wedding day will still come and you will have an eternity together. However, if you choose not to wait, there is a great risk in rushing into a marriage and sharing the most sacred aspect of your being, only to later discover that you were mistaken.

i feel like waiting until marriage is wasting a long time that we could've spend being closer together and sharing something so passionate and special, and for what?

On the contrary, compared to an eternity bonded in marriage, a delay of a year or a few years is infinitesimal. Is it not worth the wait to ensure that you have indeed chosen the right one? Is God's holy union a decision you wish to take lightly?

what difference will a piece of paper and a name change really make?

Legal marriage is far more than a piece of paper and name change. I would suggest you thoroughly research the full legal implications of such an arrangement before entering into it.

I strongly encourage you to pray to God to guide you towards clarity and truth. Do not allow your current passion and eagerness to cloud your judgment. Ask God to assist you in being patient and choosing wisely. Best wishes,

C. J. Berezhnoy

 

[Soul-searching]

Hi there, Im new to this site and joined to get some peoples opinions on this matter..
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 months now, we are both believers and go to church and always intended on waiting until marriage to have sex. We know we are each others soulmates and are planning to get engaged after we have graduated our university studies for convenience. We love eachother so much and we fool around and have done things but never sex, but its so hard not to as we get so close to it sometimes. I know in my heart that I will marry this man and will eventually have sex with him, and im running out of reasons not to do it now, i feel like waiting until marriage is wasting a long time that we could've spend being closer together and sharing something so passionate and special, and for what? I know it says in the bible to wait until marriage but when you are with the one you know you will marry, why not do it now? what difference will a piece of paper and a name change really make? We have already vowed to each other that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, I dont see what difference marriage will make, only that it means rushing to just get marrieg so we can have sex and i dont want marriage to just be about that, it just seems a bit pointless in the grand scheme of things when you know you are already with the one.

Thoughts?

I understand you, i have always seen marriage as a piece of paper too. I don´t get it, it seems like people are so eager to marry to do all the things they miss out on when not marrying, they will even stay together in a bad marriage just because it´s better to be so true to God than to be happy. I do believe God wants us to be happy, and i do not believe God wants us to live in a Monastery. My advice to you is do you, do what is in your heart, what you like. People preach and preach marriage, but seriously, if we knew how many of these people who are unhappy in their marriage, then i think we would be surprised, worst thing is, they stay in a bad marriage because they prommised God, this is just as bad to me, staying in a bad marriage than to have sex before marriage. Live your life, go have sex if you want, you are already committed. Do what you want, what feels right for you.

 

[Tolworth John]

im running out of reasons not to do it now,

Why do you need reasons not to have sex now?

Do you need a reason to break other rules/laws?

Ask your boyfriend 2 questions.

Do you Love me?

Do you Love me enough not to preasure me for sex?

If he loves you he will take the responcibility for not going to far, if he won't he is not worth it and dump him.