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I need some major help. I'm suffering from severe depression due to chronic loneliness. I really have no meaningful relationships with anyone other than my parents, and I know that that isn't going to change anytime soon if ever due to some major insecurities.
I'm like pulling my hair out and gritting my teeth, in constant tears i'm so overwhelmed. And this isn't something new. I've been suffering with this off and on for 8 years.
I pray constantly asking God for help over and over, but not matter what I do, he keeps ignoring me. My faith is dangling by a thread. I just don't know how to keep holding on like this when God will not help me in anyway. I just don't understand what he wants, or what I'm doing wrong. Why is it so hard to get a meaningful response for God? Why can't he just come out and talk to me about my problems; give me some reassurance that he will help? Why all the mystery and vagueness?
What are you supposed to do when you are completely hopeless, no one in the world can help you, and not even God bothers to care?
)... I was so powerless, I'd lay in a dark room mulling in anxiety and self disdain while the dishes laid piled high, feeling lonely but keeping curtains closed hoping and praying someone would not pop up unannounced because i was soo ashamed and embarassed... And the lord EVENTUALLY (this did not happen in one day) taught me how to plan out the cleaning in steps... like : first- put clean dishes away, second- put dirty dishes in dishwasher, 3rd- throw away trash (after take the full trash out if needed) 4th, make a place for each paper and miscellanous item that made it's way into the kitchen... and before long it seemed a whole lot less intimidating.... Not doing any betterJase ~ where are you?
You've been in my thoughts, and I'm getting concerned about you since you haven't checked in over a week now.
How are you doing, buddy??
Sent you a pm.
Hi. I'm trying so hard to have faith and believe. I just wish God would meet me half way at it. Not being able to physically talk to God has to be one of the most frustrating things when it comes to God and faith for me. We spend our entire life learning how to socially interact with people, and converse, and yet we have to develop some uncanny ability to perceive sublte nuances and hints in order to perceive God trying to talk to us. Ya know, when you are in seemingly neverending pain with something you have no control over and no one on Earth can help you, all you want is just for God to come sit down next to you, put his arm around your shoulder and talk to you.Dearest Jase,
I can totally empathize with you, as I am recovering from a "breakdown". I was in hospital first for 2 weeks and home for one week and then back in again for a further 4 weeks.
It has been a long journey to recovery, and know still have yet a bit more to go. Please (if you haven't), do seek professional help and Trust with all your heart that the Lord is and will be there with you, every step of the way.
Be patient (I know it can be hard), but it will pass - just baby steps - one day at a time Jase, or even....hour by hour. Remember - you are NOT alone - I am holding you close to my heart in prayers as we travel this road to wellness, it will be okay for us sufferes of this debilitating illness. Trust, have faith & believe!
Tiffany
Hi. I'm trying so hard to have faith and believe. I just wish God would meet me half way at it. Not being able to physically talk to God has to be one of the most frustrating things when it comes to God and faith for me. We spend our entire life learning how to socially interact with people, and converse, and yet we have to develop some uncanny ability to perceive sublte nuances and hints in order to perceive God trying to talk to us. Ya know, when you are in seemingly neverending pain with something you have no control over and no one on Earth can help you, all you want is just for God to come sit down next to you, put his arm around your shoulder and talk to you.
I appreciate all the prayers, but so far God hasn't answered any of your prayers either, since nothing has changed. He may hear our prayers, but does He answer them? Apparently, not often.
Well, my depression has been with me for 8 years. The struggle causing the depression, however, has been with me my whole life. Short of a massive, 1st Century type miracle from God, I will be forced to live with this for the rest of my life.
Thank you for the poem Tiffany. Not sure I can really agree with the "have faith and your dreams will come true part". I'm sure we can both agree, most dreams don't come true. In my case, none of my dreams have ever come true, nor does it look like they will.Please accept the following poem, and also my prayer.
A Poem Of Faith
When everything looks down
And you don't think
you can hang on much longer
to this world that drags you down
You feel like closing in
and just letting it all end
You want to give up now
because nothing else will work
But hold your head high
and just keep fighthing
don't give up!
you will see in time
why you must hang in there
it will be all worth while
Just look onto the brighter
days ahead waiting for you
just keep hoping that
everything will be ok and
have faith in our God
to help you out and HE will.
Just keep wishing for
the brighter days
and they will soon
be on their way
Why give in and give up
Why lower your head
and start to cry
why wish your life away
why wish you could find a better day
when you don't want to give in
just a little hint from me to you
believe and have faith
and your dreams will come true
But until the times
when you see that bright light
hang in there with hope
and everything will be all right.
God loves you Jase
Tiffany
