"Settling" for someone. Have you considered lowering your expectation?

[invisiblebabe]

edit: double post!

 

[Macrina]

May I suggest that we drop the term "settling". These are people we are talking about. We throw this term around raising ourself to a place of prominence...as if we have that right, as if we are better than others. God sees us all the same, so dont' say you are not going to "settle" for somene, say that it will not be a good match.

My 0.02$

That's a good point! I guess it's not settling for the PERSON, it's settling for the MATCH that I'm thinking about. Clearly, there are wonderful people out there, who may have good friendships or whatever, but just aren't compatible for marriage. So I would say we shouldn't settle for a relationship we know isn't the right one. Note: I don't mean there's no compromise... certainly there is... but there should be a sense that the compromises are worthwhile in order to be with that particular individual, not something you are doing just to have "someone." Thanks for clarifying that it's more about the relationship you have with someone else than it is about that person's intrinsic worth.

 

[Living4Him03]

This thread makes me think of going to the vending machine to get a candy bar. Say Reese's peanut butter cups are your favorite...soooo good. But yet, Nestle crunch also looks good...or maybe you want powdered donuts. So you get the Nestle crunch, then you realize you know what I really wanted the Reese's those are just my favorite. That probably doesn't make sense lol.

 

[waterbear]

My requirements as they are represent the minimum (I think) that would make a relationship more worthwhile than being celibate. Provided someone meets my requirements, it's a matte rof whether or not I enjoy their company or would rather be alone.

My requirements were once higher, but were reduced due to extremely few people meeting them and that marrying someone who didn't meet the original requirements was still preferable to celibacy.

 

[JPPT1974]

Yeah but what is sad though is people not contemplating marriage. They are probably thinking about living together. And just living as a couple outside of marriage and wedlock. Which is very, very dishonorable to God as well as themselves. Also if they are Christians, they need to also be considerate of honoring God as well as giving each other virginity if and when they marry.

 

[OhhJim]

There seems to be some major misunderstanding about what it means to "settle" for someone. Perhaps that needs to be cleared up.

Does it mean that you have an image of a perfect spouse, and you will not marry anyone who doesn't measure up (i.e. looks, income, hair color, intelligence, skin quality, etc.)?

Does it mean that you won't date anyone who isn't a Christian and doesn't make your little heart go pitter-pat?

Does it mean that you won't date a non-Christian?

Does it mean that, since God loves you and wants you to be happy, He has the most perfectest, wonderfulest person just waiting for you, all tucked away and secluded for when you are ready?

Does it mean that, even though you wanted a tall, attractive blonde, you are willing to date a short, average looking redhead who has a great personality, and loves Jesus?

Does it mean you are able to differentiate between a "just-for-fun" date with someone who you have no future with, but can have a good time with?

Because I'm reading all these different perspectives.

As for myself, in the past I have always settled. I have never dated a woman who is everything I wanted. But I've dated some wonderful women, and I feel honored to be their friend, or boyfriend, or husband.

 

[OhhJim]

God has someone out there for everyone.

Do you have any actual scripture to back up this incredible claim? Something specific, I mean, not stuff like "the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord"? Because I'm a big believer in scripture, not trusting to man's opinions.

 

[Sar117]

"It is VERY important that we, even as adults, take into consideration the godly counsel of our peers, pastors, elders, and family. "

I understand seeking cousel but basically she said she would only do it if they all approved. Poor guy as we all know Dads and Moms dont like Us guys no matter who we are unless they picked us out before hand. So hes screwed cause she has already said she would head whatever they say. I just wonder at what point in a womans life she gets to start making her own decisions?

 

[Cjwinnit]

"It is VERY important that we, even as adults, take into consideration the godly counsel of our peers, pastors, elders, and family. "

I'm in agreement to a point. If I were dating someone (i'm not atm) and all my sisters didn't like her, I'd probably think twice because of it.

 

[MadeInOz]

I don't really have any kind of measuring stick as far as women go. I take people as they come, and if we click, we ... yeah... the usual thing... hehe

 

[theFijian]

For me , the crucial points are
1/ attractive to me
2/ committed christian
3/ good conversation vibe with me
4/ non dominant personality

It's not many things but it's still a lot when you try to look for all 3!

5/ Good arithmetical skills

 

[Living4Him03]

I hear ya man. Everyone 'settles' on some things. But we do it because people are a package deal. You can't take traits that you like from someone else and combine them with some other girls body. Just doesn't work like that.

I think all guys in the world need to read this and post it on their mirror!