Serious question

[NW82]

How would you feel in this situation:

Paraphrasing "You're a great person in my eyes and you've helped me a great deal. I really value your friendship and insight. You deserve someone great and I do too".

Now if I'm so great and we both deserve someone great...hello, I'm right here in front of you! This makes zero sense to me that someone would say this kind of stuff and totally miss that there is someone right in front of you that would make sacrifices for you and support you in your goals and dreams, and you're really great...but yeah just not you. GAH!

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

sounds like something someone would say to somebody to put them in the friend zone. i'd rather hear something like that than keep making sacrifices and efforts for someone that would willingly or ignorantly string someone along.

 

[NW82]

sounds like something someone would say to somebody to put them in the friend zone.

That much is obvious. I'm asking how would this make people feel, because it makes me feel like total trash.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Just called letting someone down easy.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

That much is obvious. I'm asking how would this make people feel, because it makes me feel like total trash.

I would move on quick because I don't waste time on people who don't want me.

 

[Job3315]

How would you feel in this situation:

Paraphrasing "You're a great person in my eyes and you've helped me a great deal. I really value your friendship and insight. You deserve someone great and I do too".

Now if I'm so great and we both deserve someone great...hello, I'm right here in front of you! This makes zero sense to me that someone would say this kind of stuff and totally miss that there is someone right in front of you that would make sacrifices for you and support you in your goals and dreams, and you're really great...but yeah just not you. GAH!

Some people don’t have the guts to say “I am not interested in having more than a friendship with you” or maybe people can’t take hearing those same words.

My question is, why waste your energy in wondering why someone took that decision? All I know is I can’t control others and their feelings so I respect what they decide. I prefer being with someone who wants to be with me instead of living my whole life entertaining a person so they don’t leave me.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[NW82]

Some people don’t have the guts to say “I am not interested in having more than a friendship with you” or maybe people can’t take hearing those same words.

My question is, why waste your energy in wondering why someone took that decision? All I know is I can’t control others and their feelings so I respect what they decide. I prefer being with someone who wants to be with me instead of living my whole life entertaining a person so they don’t leave me.

If they're not attracted to you, they're not attracted to you. You could give someone the world but if you're not the kind of guy/gal a person wants for whatever personal reason he/she has, then you get friend zoned. As frustrating as it is, it's how people work and reasons can range from being totally legit to extremely superficial.

When you live in a fallen world, you can expect friendships and romance to be based more on convenience and self interest than out of actual love for others.

Which is pretty much everyone it's making me VERY bitter and cynical. I'm tired of trying, helping and doing what I can for people (in this case started totally platonic) but then I get told what I got told, end up expressing interest and basically get crapped on. What's the point anymore?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Which is pretty much everyone it's making me VERY bitter and cynical. I'm tired of trying, helping and doing what I can for people (in this case started totally platonic) but then I get told what I got told, end up expressing interest and basically get crapped on. What's the point anymore?

The point is there are other women out there.

 

[NW82]

The point is there are other women out there.

Not in 9 years there haven't been. Ever had constant rejection over 9 years? Didn't think so.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[NW82]

Welcome to the club. I pretty much gave up on this life and spent the last decade trying to serve God to earn treasure in Heaven. Only in Heaven where our relationships won't be so superficial and our character on Earth won't go to waste. Bible does say to do your good works for Him and not for men because people in general tend to be very ungrateful jerks who see your kindness, generosity, and agreeableness as a weakness rather than a Godly virtue.

Just cling on to God's promises and He shall reward you. There's no use trying to gain money, possessions, and prestige in a world that's only going to be destroyed and remade without sin in 1007+ years.

God doesn't promise what I want, so what promise am I supposed to cling to?

 

[Danielwright2311]

Live for God, make your whole life about him and he will bless you when its your time.

And he knows your time.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

God doesn't promise what I want, so what promise am I supposed to cling to?

how about psalms 37:4? i was reading that one for myself earlier today.

 

[com7fy8]

Paraphrasing "You're a great person in my eyes and you've helped me a great deal. I really value your friendship and insight. You deserve someone great and I do too".

If you have helped the person to become more for real with Jesus and how to relate in love with any and all people, including ones who do not love you . . . you have helped the person a truly great deal.

And if you have been honest with the person, you have challenged the person to make sure with God about who the person really belongs with. And this means the person might not be guided to you. But be honest with her; encourage her to make sure with God about who she belongs with; and honor our Heavenly Father and how He guides her.

You say you would help her to have her dreams come true; well, she needs to have dreams which are God's desire for her. If you really help her and others, you have helped someone to have God's dreams for the person come true. And if you are real with God, like this, He will trust you with whomever you really belong with.

And appreciate what you really have with each person; trust God to manage all which He wants you to share with each one. And because you are trusting Him, you will be satisfied He knows what is right for you, now.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

Now if I'm so great and we both deserve someone great...hello, I'm right here in front of you! This makes zero sense to me that someone would say this kind of stuff and totally miss that there is someone right in front of you that would make sacrifices for you and support you in your goals and dreams, and you're really great...but yeah just not you. GAH!

Well, even if you are not the person's dream . . . support the person to find all which is really good for that person.

Be appreciative of all you do have with each Christian lady. Each one is your own sister in Jesus. Each one already is your own family! And our Groom Jesus loves all of them dearly.

But they are not perfect; so you can discover things wrong with them. And we need to have compassion and forgiveness ready. Or else, if we can't handle certain nonsense things, now . . . how are we going to be able to manage things which we discover about a lady later in marriage?

If we believe in unmerited favor, we don't get too concerned about who and how much we deserve. We want to do God's will . . . God's loving with each other person.

If the reality is you do not trust each other so you can make sense out of things > I would say we should not get too interested in anyone unless we clearly trust one another. If someone doesn't trust you, never mind why an imperfect person does to trust us. We need to pray and trust God to change our character so He is satisfied with how He wants us to be trustworthy. And do not have an attitude that anyone has to trust us, do not lord ourselves over people with expectations which we are dictating >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

A lady needs to be able to make sure with God about who she needs to trust in marriage. She needs to become able to obey how the Holy Spirit leads her. So, if the Holy Spirit is not satisfying and guiding her to marry you, this is all you need to know. Be good to her, trust her to God, enjoy however God blesses you to share with her.

 

[Job3315]

Which is pretty much everyone it's making me VERY bitter and cynical. I'm tired of trying, helping and doing what I can for people (in this case started totally platonic) but then I get told what I got told, end up expressing interest and basically get crapped on. What's the point anymore?

It sucks but it is part of the dating life. I dated a guy who out of the blue one day told me he wanted to end the relationship. I gave my time, money and energy to him and his family, but one day it just ended. God is always previous and He was already talking to me about it. I took it hard at first because I couldn't understand what I did wrong, but eventually realized the guy wasn't emotionally healthy (I also needed to work on myself) and we were going to have a miserable relationship so I was better off alone and probably was him aswell.

I suggest you work on yourself, define yourself and mature while you keep praying for someone who is mature as you to have a serious relationship.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Not in 9 years there haven't been. Ever had constant rejection over 9 years? Didn't think so.

If you haven't had one woman say yes to you in 9 years then you need to think about asking out some of those women you have overlooked.

 

[NW82]

If you have helped the person to become more for real with Jesus and how to relate in love with any and all people, including ones who do not love you . . . you have helped the person a truly great deal.

And if you have been honest with the person, you have challenged the person to make sure with God about who the person really belongs with. And this means the person might not be guided to you. But be honest with her; encourage her to make sure with God about who she belongs with; and honor our Heavenly Father and how He guides her.

You say you would help her to have her dreams come true; well, she needs to have dreams which are God's desire for her. If you really help her and other, you have help someone to have God's dreams for the person come true. And if you are real with God, like this, He will trust you with whomever you really belong with.

Exactly what I did.

If you haven't had one woman say yes to you in 9 years then you need to think about asking out some of those women you have overlooked.

If they are lazy, like the woman I just went on a date with (not the same one I referred to in the OP) who lives with her parents and strictly said she doesn't want any responsibility, or one who refused to better herself because she couldn't let go of the past, you mean those kinds of people? Because they're the only ones that said yes and it didn't last very long at all, and I knew it wouldn't. Anyone, like the one in the OP, who strives to be better, who wants to pursue God, and knows what a Godly relationship looks like...that's who I want, but I'm not good enough. So please tell me how I've overlooked women who were truly after God's heart.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

You have been given some good advice in this thread. I will give you the advice I gave to my sons, now they are happily married. Look at women somewhat older than you.I didn't say date an old woman..Someone who is a little older than you, beautiful, but have experienced the ups and downs, and difficulties that just comes with living this life.
But you want what you want. I was just making a suggestion. It worked beautifully for my sons.