I’m afraid to ask for advice because I’m afraid to lose whatever I have left of my hope.
I pray day and night for the restoration of my husband and our marriage. We’ve been together 17 years, married over 14, have an 11 year old son together. It hasn’t been perfect or easy but it has been worth it.
I apologize now for the length and possible rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
According to him... He was on a roller coaster depression with suicidal thoughts. The last weekend of July, he decided he was leaving me one way or the other. He contemplated overdosing on his pain & sleeping pills. Our son & I were away with my aunts. He did not reveal any of his problems while he was suffering. He was a wonderful husband and father the whole time.
The same weekend, he logs onto social media and is PM’d by a lonely recent widow going through problems in her life. They talk, he supports her. They start an Emotional Affair. Somewhere along the way, it becomes a Physical Affair. And then it turned into what people call an Exit Affair.
Sometime in early Nov, I started listening to my gut and seeing the signs of his affair. I started pulling out of my own depression (that he knew about) and focusing on him and our marriage more. He pulled further away. Nov 21 was a night I listened to my gut feelings that screamed “he’s gone” and repeated all the reasons suicide was the right choice. It wasn’t only him. I must stress that now. I had years of heartache, depression, and disappointment in myself that exiting life was right. I tried to kill myself. I don’t regret it because I got the help I needed. I was in a psychiatric facility for a week.
The day I came home was the worst day of my life. When I got home, my husband was still in bed, awake. I curled up with my head on his shoulder and tried to enjoy his presence, remembering that he was the man I loved and wanted to spend my life with. After a few minutes, he rolled over to check his phone and play a game. Somewhere in my mind I realized his phone was unlocked and I could check it. I grabbed it. I hadn’t seen him so upset and disappointed with anything as he was in that moment. He made threats to turn off my phone. I yelled that “You’re my husband and you’re hiding things from me”. He said “Yes. I’m leaving you.” I was in disbelief and shock. He started following through with canceling my phone on his tablet. I looked at his text messages for only a few seconds but that was all I needed to see her name and something about “when you get to the house...” I threw his phone. I asked when he was going to leave. He said i guess now, since you’re home. It technically only took him about 3 hours to pack essentials and walk out the door.
I went back into the psych ward for another week.
As cruel as that day was, he has been fully respectful to me since. We talked a few times about why. He accepted my boundaries for the protection of my emotions. He is extremely careful about following them without fail. He’s been paying our bills like usual. He set up automatic funds transfers that start mid Jan. When he comes to see his son, he talks to me as if he still lives here, just not about us, unless I bring us up. He’s careful about not taking too much of his stuff at once and only with my permission. I know he’s just keeping the peace “for our son’s sake” right now .
I’m doing so much to keep my sanity and working on self-improvement. I realized in the hospital that my failed suicide meant that someone wanted me around still. I began praying again and listening in return. The more I learn about affairs, relationships, marriage, abandonment, healing myself without my husband around... the more I’m drawn to accepting him back and wanting him to come home. I see our positive moments and know they outweigh the negatives. I see that we have been through too much together to give up this easily.
Every ounce of advice I’ve received so far has been to let him go and don’t look back. No contact with him except for our son and finances. Ignore him when he’s there. Contact a lawyer and file for the divorce now. I’ve even been told that I have enough motivation to hate him and act like it around him.
The only helpful advice has been to focus on myself, my son, and our healing. I’m doing that.
I still love my husband and I still want him to come home, back to his son and back to me. I know I’m holding onto only the most infinitesimal sliver of hope right now but it’s there. I’ve received messages that speak volumes to me during prayer and and random moments. The loudest came during a 3 day jealousy infused selfish rage culminating at midnight on New Year’s (That was MY kiss, not hers) and rage sometimes feel insignificant to express the depth of that emotion. He came to visit our son New Year’s Eve and then needed to pick up tools on New Year’s Day. Even though I was in this rage, I was guided to still be his wife and his helping hand, like I always was when his physical limitations hindered him. It was repeated the last 2 days when he showed up again for time with his son while school is on break. Last night I wondered again if showing him I’m still willing to assist in this way means that either it’s a way back into his heart or if his affair partner is not performing the same simple acts of love and support, or both. I don’t know.
I ask for prayers... for my son, my husband, myself, and our marriage.
I pray day and night for the restoration of my husband and our marriage. We’ve been together 17 years, married over 14, have an 11 year old son together. It hasn’t been perfect or easy but it has been worth it.
I apologize now for the length and possible rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
According to him... He was on a roller coaster depression with suicidal thoughts. The last weekend of July, he decided he was leaving me one way or the other. He contemplated overdosing on his pain & sleeping pills. Our son & I were away with my aunts. He did not reveal any of his problems while he was suffering. He was a wonderful husband and father the whole time.
The same weekend, he logs onto social media and is PM’d by a lonely recent widow going through problems in her life. They talk, he supports her. They start an Emotional Affair. Somewhere along the way, it becomes a Physical Affair. And then it turned into what people call an Exit Affair.
Sometime in early Nov, I started listening to my gut and seeing the signs of his affair. I started pulling out of my own depression (that he knew about) and focusing on him and our marriage more. He pulled further away. Nov 21 was a night I listened to my gut feelings that screamed “he’s gone” and repeated all the reasons suicide was the right choice. It wasn’t only him. I must stress that now. I had years of heartache, depression, and disappointment in myself that exiting life was right. I tried to kill myself. I don’t regret it because I got the help I needed. I was in a psychiatric facility for a week.
The day I came home was the worst day of my life. When I got home, my husband was still in bed, awake. I curled up with my head on his shoulder and tried to enjoy his presence, remembering that he was the man I loved and wanted to spend my life with. After a few minutes, he rolled over to check his phone and play a game. Somewhere in my mind I realized his phone was unlocked and I could check it. I grabbed it. I hadn’t seen him so upset and disappointed with anything as he was in that moment. He made threats to turn off my phone. I yelled that “You’re my husband and you’re hiding things from me”. He said “Yes. I’m leaving you.” I was in disbelief and shock. He started following through with canceling my phone on his tablet. I looked at his text messages for only a few seconds but that was all I needed to see her name and something about “when you get to the house...” I threw his phone. I asked when he was going to leave. He said i guess now, since you’re home. It technically only took him about 3 hours to pack essentials and walk out the door.
I went back into the psych ward for another week.
As cruel as that day was, he has been fully respectful to me since. We talked a few times about why. He accepted my boundaries for the protection of my emotions. He is extremely careful about following them without fail. He’s been paying our bills like usual. He set up automatic funds transfers that start mid Jan. When he comes to see his son, he talks to me as if he still lives here, just not about us, unless I bring us up. He’s careful about not taking too much of his stuff at once and only with my permission. I know he’s just keeping the peace “for our son’s sake” right now .
I’m doing so much to keep my sanity and working on self-improvement. I realized in the hospital that my failed suicide meant that someone wanted me around still. I began praying again and listening in return. The more I learn about affairs, relationships, marriage, abandonment, healing myself without my husband around... the more I’m drawn to accepting him back and wanting him to come home. I see our positive moments and know they outweigh the negatives. I see that we have been through too much together to give up this easily.
Every ounce of advice I’ve received so far has been to let him go and don’t look back. No contact with him except for our son and finances. Ignore him when he’s there. Contact a lawyer and file for the divorce now. I’ve even been told that I have enough motivation to hate him and act like it around him.
The only helpful advice has been to focus on myself, my son, and our healing. I’m doing that.
I still love my husband and I still want him to come home, back to his son and back to me. I know I’m holding onto only the most infinitesimal sliver of hope right now but it’s there. I’ve received messages that speak volumes to me during prayer and and random moments. The loudest came during a 3 day jealousy infused selfish rage culminating at midnight on New Year’s (That was MY kiss, not hers) and rage sometimes feel insignificant to express the depth of that emotion. He came to visit our son New Year’s Eve and then needed to pick up tools on New Year’s Day. Even though I was in this rage, I was guided to still be his wife and his helping hand, like I always was when his physical limitations hindered him. It was repeated the last 2 days when he showed up again for time with his son while school is on break. Last night I wondered again if showing him I’m still willing to assist in this way means that either it’s a way back into his heart or if his affair partner is not performing the same simple acts of love and support, or both. I don’t know.
I ask for prayers... for my son, my husband, myself, and our marriage.
