Separated and need help.

[Ghaleon]

Hi, I'm new to the boards and I really need some help. I have went through a living hell for the past 2 years or so. I met my wife 6 years ago at my old job. She was a little shy but fun to be around. She reminded me a lot of myself and we hit it right off. Well we dated for 2 years and then I proposed to her. Everything was going good. She came from a family where they all have some sort of mental disorder and there all like children, especially her parents and sister. She was very mature acting though and very good with money and such. Her family treated her bad at times in front of me. I found a note one day from when she was a girl and it said she had always prayed for a good husband with a family that would take her in. She found that with me because my family took her in and treated her like her own. She was crazy about my family, especially my mom. She loved coming around and doing things with my family. We had a LOT in common, almost everything in common. Then one night in December she calls me and says she has to tell me something. She had been cheating on me with 2 different men for almost the whole year. One of them was the live in bf and dad to the kids of her at the time best friend that she visited a lot. She told me she was in love with one of them. Well it went 2 weeks or more of me fighting for her to get her from this other man. Finally one night she calls me and says that she broke it off with him and that I need to come see her and that I better not have destroyed her chance at true love. This guy was a druggy loser that had nothing. We decided to go that week to spend a night in a hotel to get away and talk. I didn't know the hotel was renovating and when we got there she said "I'm sorry babe but I've cheated on you in nicer places than this" and smiled but then got upset went and got in the tub and cried and said why do I let other men come in between us. We got married that year. Things were going good but I couldn't let things go and at times I would argue with her about the past because it hurt so badly. Then she started talking to this man that was around during that time and she kept talking and talking with him but said they were just friends. Next thing I know shes making up excuses to go stay in the town he lives in. People at her job start telling of him coming in to see her. One night she comes home and she told me how much she loves me. I go in the kitchen and theres a new cell phone on the table I look in it and its his ex wife's phone he gave her to talk with her so I wouldn't know and I open it and its messages between them. She cries and tells me she thinks she loves him. We go through a time with that and then for her birthday I went all out and did everything for her and she cried and went on about how great I am. Then that night she gets a text from him saying " I love you angel". She says look hes trying to cause us marital problems. A month later she tells me she loves me and will never leave. That next morning I come home from school and shes packed up and gone. She went to her mothers. She came back and stayed for my birthday and she got sick so I took care of her. The next day I woke up and shes gone with the rest of her stuff and on her way to stay in the town that man lives. She said she was going to stay with a gf and wanted to go to school there and she just wants to be friends with me and needs time. I give her time and then she tells me she can't talk to me anymore and she can't tell me she loves me anymore. So I talk her into doing some therapy with my preacher. It goes for awhile and for Christmas she says I can't have Christmas with her parents because they are mad at me. She comes over and has it with us and I bought her an expensive ring and my parents got her something. She needed the rings sized and I asked her if I get them resized will she promise to come back and she said yes. I got her a tanning bed to help with her joint problems in knees and she said she would come back for that as well. I decide that I"m going with no contact. She stalks me that whole time on Facebook and then tells me she was. She still insists that she just wants to be friends but never mentions divorce. I then let it go for 3 months without any contact and she changes her status to its complicated. She starts calling this guy she was seeing her baby now and then sends me a messages on FB asking if she can come get her stuff because I have obviously moved on she said and then she changed her name back to her maiden name on FB and sounded mad and jealous. She comes and acts awful and says its over and that shes not mad, shes happy for me that I might have moved on. Now she acts like she has a chip on her shoulder toward me, has me blocked on FB and says she wants a divorce but doesn't want me to do it because it would cost to much, she wants to do it her way and its been well over a month now. Our anniversary come and she said it meant nothing to her and that we are just legally married. She has a student loan and they have been calling me for months now because she hasn't paid it but she lies and keeps saying shes in school and shes not. Shes lying all the time and says this guy is the guy for her. I don't know what to do because I still love her and I keep praying about it but I don't know what to do.

 

[drjean]

I would recommend couples counseling. ... putting feet on your prayers... go and seek professional advice, some churches offer same.

 

[Ghaleon]

I would recommend couples counseling. ... putting feet on your prayers... go and seek professional advice, some churches offer same.

Thank you for the reply. The problem is though that I am the only one wanting to work it out. She says she is happy with this man and is never coming back and I"m stuck here being faithful.