Hello everyone, God Bless you all
. Well let me start off with a little big of my situation. I am 19 years old, very very mature for my age since i was obligated to mature early and i do not mind at all. married (ill get back to that in a minute) and a christian. I am very much in love with God and i do everything he says. I have a very very close relationship with my savior, therefore he speaks to me very clear. So Ive been with my now husband for 4 years, and throughout the course of those 4 years numerous amount of things happend. OH BTW i am a newby! i recently accepted jesus as my savior about 5 months ago. anyways well, my now husband was very abusive , physically and mentally abusive with me about 2 yrs into the relationship and as some of you know, me being a really ignorant girl would just think "oh i caused it, he fractured my toe because i [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ed him off, he punched me in the eye because i yelled at him, he choked me because i dont want to have sex" get the point here? i would do what a typical abuse woman would do , put excuses for him, make my self believe i deserved it all and that he would change like he said he would. well making this story a little shorter , my husband enlisted in the army and left in march of this year. i was of course sad (oh i was living with him for a year before getting married) but i got over pretty quicly. well while he was in bootcamp, he would be the sweetest guy ever so i really believed the army made him change and appreciate me more. PLUS my mother was about to move with her new husband and i was already 18 years old so i HAD to stay behind, i was not welcomed into my mothers new family. I HAD to mature alot to be able to understand. Well my husband asked me to marry him while he was still in bootcamp, me being soo upset about my mother leaving and feeling like "wow, my life is really gonna change now, im finallly going to be happy and might as well, since im gonnna be left alone,i already lived with him, then why not get married." i said yes and married him july 3rd of this year when he came for a 4 day weekend. alright then i started to think of ALL the things hes done to me and become really upset i would even become extremly upset by just talking to him over the phone one of our main arguments was that i "was taking god too seriously" and i would get so frustrated with him by trying to make him understand that I WAS IN LOVE WITH GOD! i just wanted him to respect that but he wouldnt it, he would constantly put me down and call me a dumb b@#$# for believing so much and corny and all of that, i regreted getting married. and this started to happen when i started going to church! being a christian made me value myself more and realize this was not what god wanted for me! i did not deserve any of this and i did not deserve to be feeling this miserable with this man that i am not even living with yet! imagine when he comes back from his training HOW MISERABLE WOULD MY LIFE BE! so i fasted and prayed for like a whole week asking god if what was in my heart (emptyness, no love for my husband at all, no emotions towards him and this has been happening for about 2 years before getting married i would just force myself to believe i would get that love back) was it him ! "is this you god! are you removing all the people and things i dont need to give me something better? are you really going to be there for me?" gods simple answer was "TRUST ME, JUST PUT IT IN MY HANDS ILL TAKE CARE OF IT" so i did. and I ended up telling my husband i wanted to separate and that i wanted a divorce, and to my HUGE suprise he was not upset like i feared he would be, he was very understanding and I was very calmed as well, it was like a weight of my shoulders! i felt so awesome! well anyways, there is this guy at church that i did not even notice, i actually thought he was weird and did not want to be near him 
! well i started to notice after being separated feeling sooo good, that this guy is a really nice guy, and i really liked him and it was not even all physical, it was deeper than that, he is just so real. well, i feel guilty about liking this guy and i soon find out after that this guy has asked my friend in church " is it true shes married!, shes so beautiful and just an down to earth girl" so of course i get all exited i couldnt believe this i mean what are the odds! so i ask myself, is this what god wants? im sure he doesnt want me to get into a relationship while being married still! but is he putting this man so i could see i deserve better, and this guy is like really respectful to the fact that IM STILL married, and he doesnt want to even get too close to me because of that, but im just upset that we both like each other and we cannot even do anything about it. im so sure god wants this, he wants us both to have something better (and he has been thru hell and back himself) so i guess hes also scared. im just really confuse about the whole situation, i dont know what to do or say. im just thinkinq i should just not do anything at all, and not even talk to the guy too much because if god really wants this then he will come to me, but then again what if im the one thats suppost to make the first move. its all very childish to me,the whole "should i talk to him or not" . please dont judge and tell me im way to young, i understand this, but please trust that i am NOT the typical 19 year old girl nowdays. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING !
. Well let me start off with a little big of my situation. I am 19 years old, very very mature for my age since i was obligated to mature early and i do not mind at all. married (ill get back to that in a minute) and a christian. I am very much in love with God and i do everything he says. I have a very very close relationship with my savior, therefore he speaks to me very clear. So Ive been with my now husband for 4 years, and throughout the course of those 4 years numerous amount of things happend. OH BTW i am a newby! i recently accepted jesus as my savior about 5 months ago. anyways well, my now husband was very abusive , physically and mentally abusive with me about 2 yrs into the relationship and as some of you know, me being a really ignorant girl would just think "oh i caused it, he fractured my toe because i [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ed him off, he punched me in the eye because i yelled at him, he choked me because i dont want to have sex" get the point here? i would do what a typical abuse woman would do , put excuses for him, make my self believe i deserved it all and that he would change like he said he would. well making this story a little shorter , my husband enlisted in the army and left in march of this year. i was of course sad (oh i was living with him for a year before getting married) but i got over pretty quicly. well while he was in bootcamp, he would be the sweetest guy ever so i really believed the army made him change and appreciate me more. PLUS my mother was about to move with her new husband and i was already 18 years old so i HAD to stay behind, i was not welcomed into my mothers new family. I HAD to mature alot to be able to understand. Well my husband asked me to marry him while he was still in bootcamp, me being soo upset about my mother leaving and feeling like "wow, my life is really gonna change now, im finallly going to be happy and might as well, since im gonnna be left alone,i already lived with him, then why not get married." i said yes and married him july 3rd of this year when he came for a 4 day weekend. alright then i started to think of ALL the things hes done to me and become really upset i would even become extremly upset by just talking to him over the phone one of our main arguments was that i "was taking god too seriously" and i would get so frustrated with him by trying to make him understand that I WAS IN LOVE WITH GOD! i just wanted him to respect that but he wouldnt it, he would constantly put me down and call me a dumb b@#$# for believing so much and corny and all of that, i regreted getting married. and this started to happen when i started going to church! being a christian made me value myself more and realize this was not what god wanted for me! i did not deserve any of this and i did not deserve to be feeling this miserable with this man that i am not even living with yet! imagine when he comes back from his training HOW MISERABLE WOULD MY LIFE BE! so i fasted and prayed for like a whole week asking god if what was in my heart (emptyness, no love for my husband at all, no emotions towards him and this has been happening for about 2 years before getting married i would just force myself to believe i would get that love back) was it him ! "is this you god! are you removing all the people and things i dont need to give me something better? are you really going to be there for me?" gods simple answer was "TRUST ME, JUST PUT IT IN MY HANDS ILL TAKE CARE OF IT" so i did. and I ended up telling my husband i wanted to separate and that i wanted a divorce, and to my HUGE suprise he was not upset like i feared he would be, he was very understanding and I was very calmed as well, it was like a weight of my shoulders! i felt so awesome! well anyways, there is this guy at church that i did not even notice, i actually thought he was weird and did not want to be near him ! well i started to notice after being separated feeling sooo good, that this guy is a really nice guy, and i really liked him and it was not even all physical, it was deeper than that, he is just so real. well, i feel guilty about liking this guy and i soon find out after that this guy has asked my friend in church " is it true shes married!, shes so beautiful and just an down to earth girl" so of course i get all exited i couldnt believe this i mean what are the odds! so i ask myself, is this what god wants? im sure he doesnt want me to get into a relationship while being married still! but is he putting this man so i could see i deserve better, and this guy is like really respectful to the fact that IM STILL married, and he doesnt want to even get too close to me because of that, but im just upset that we both like each other and we cannot even do anything about it. im so sure god wants this, he wants us both to have something better (and he has been thru hell and back himself) so i guess hes also scared. im just really confuse about the whole situation, i dont know what to do or say. im just thinkinq i should just not do anything at all, and not even talk to the guy too much because if god really wants this then he will come to me, but then again what if im the one thats suppost to make the first move. its all very childish to me,the whole "should i talk to him or not" . please dont judge and tell me im way to young, i understand this, but please trust that i am NOT the typical 19 year old girl nowdays. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING !
